Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To hate comments like this

104 replies

RaggyDoll1 · 17/11/2016 07:16

Am I being unreasonable

I hate it when people say its ok for you because

DH has a good job (he worked bloody hard for it, son of a postie and worked up to where he is now).

Your kids are so well behaved (erm.. they weren't born like that, its due to good old fashioned discipline, and believe me they are not always well behaved.

You are a SAHM (the grass is always greener on the other side, being at home all day with 3 under 4 plus 2 teenagers is not easy. I would much rather work and can't wait for the younger 3 to start school!

You have no money troubles ( its because Im a saver, it has been drummed into me and my dh by our working class parents. Asda clothes, hardly go to restaurants. Treats for the kids but we have 5 kids so its often something like movie night etc

I feel its really unfair when people just assume its ok for me and don't acknowledge how hard dh and i are working.

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

TheStoic · 17/11/2016 07:21

No, not really. What exactly is 'ok for you'?

Sounds like you've got a nice life. Is it important to you that everyone understands you work hard for it? If so, tell them.

No point seething that nobody understands, if there's no way for them to know.

RedHelenB · 17/11/2016 07:22

No, I am below you in all categories but I feel very grateful for my life.

A lot of people work hard and dont get the financial rewards, good old fashioned discipline unfortunately doesn't work on ALL kids and you have the choice to go back to work now presumably?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 17/11/2016 07:25

Sparklingbrook · 17/11/2016 07:25

Sounds like you need some new friends if that's the sort of thing they say.

Who exactly is saying these things? Jobless people with terribly behaved children?

Tanaqui · 17/11/2016 07:27

No , yanbu, I know what you mean.

Like when people say "you are lucky"- yes, I am very lucky to have my health, be born in a western society with clean water, access to a good education- but the people who say it have all that too - someone said it to a friend of mine who had a large house deposit when our peer group were all saving- she had it cos her dps had passed away- not lucky at all! Somethings are luck, and some are hard work, and sometimes it's nice to have the latter appreciated!

MauiChristmas · 17/11/2016 07:31

I get comments like you are lucky to be able to buy your own home in your 20s... From people who know i inherited the money from my parents who died. No, Id rather my kids have their grandparents here rather than a healthy deposit thanks.

Sparklingbrook · 17/11/2016 07:32

I used to think somebody was very lucky in being a SAHM and sending 4 DC to private school, huge house etc.

Turned out it was all funded by the husband's parents.

Some people that seem lucky are possibly up to their eyeballs in debt.

You can't really make assumptions.

SheldonCRules · 17/11/2016 07:34

They are right, you are lucky that due to your DH you don't have to work or worry about financing anything. If he wasn't there, you'd be in a very different situation.
Maybe your friends feel you take that for granted hence the comments.

m0therofdragons · 17/11/2016 07:36

Apparently I'm lucky my dc are so polite - obviously they were born saying please and thank you

Brokenbiscuit · 17/11/2016 07:37

Yabvu. And smug.

I have a really well paid job that also happens to be ultra flexible. Yes, I've worked bloody hard to get to where I am, no doubt. But what about all the people who work so bloody hard and aren't lucky enough to earn my salary/work my hours.

I also have no money troubles. Yes, that's partly because I'm very debt averse, I like to save/overpay my mortgage, and I make choices that aren't extravagant. But what about all the people who live really frugally and still have no money left at the end of the month because they're not lucky enough to earn as much as I do? And what about the ones who weren't lucky enough to have learnt basic financial capability skills from their parents?

And yes, my dd is one of those golden children who seems to be good at everything, gets picked for everything and is exceptionally well behaved. Yes, I think I'm a pretty good parent on the whole. But what about all those amazing parents who don't have kids who find it easy to behave/do what is expected? You can kid yourself all you like that it's simply about good discipline, but it just doesn't come to some kids quite so easily.

I think you sound really self-satisfied and a bit narrow-minded tbh. And incredibly lucky without even realising it.

Onthecouchagain · 17/11/2016 07:38

Masssive, absolutely massive number brag here. Get over yourself.

AyeAmarok · 17/11/2016 07:38

But it sounds like you are lucky.

Some people work very hard but don't earn much, for example.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/11/2016 07:38

Yabu

Your dh has worked had so you can be a sahm.

You're very lucky.

Onthecouchagain · 17/11/2016 07:38

*Humble brag

VixenLupin · 17/11/2016 07:38

I get you. I get told often that it's ok for me being a lady of leisure and not working. In fact I'm a carer for my son and any job I could possibly get would need to work around the fact that I have to drop off/pick up my 14 yo son from school and I won't be able to work school holidays as there's no childcare for 14 yo's with SEN.

AyeAmarok · 17/11/2016 07:39

What broken said.

CelestialLight · 17/11/2016 07:41

You just sound smug OP, it's a very unattractive trait in a person.

CelestialLight · 17/11/2016 07:44

Cross posted with everyone else it seems.

brasty · 17/11/2016 07:45

Yes you work hard, that is good. But you also sound a bit smug.
Lots of people have things happen in life that they have no control over, and so have a hard time in spite of working hard.

So my relative is in deep financial shit because her DP was murdered. Nothing at all to do with her DP, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And no insurance did not pay out for a murder. Others have health problems they did not foresee, or are unlucky with other things that happen. You sound as if you think if everyone worked hard, they could have a good life as well.

I hate to say it, but it is clear that having 6 kids was your choice. So a bit much to moan that it is hard work as a SAHM. I am sure it is hard work. But you are obviously complaining by comparing yourself to working mums who can not afford to be SAHM.

Most people who have a good life have a mixture of luck, and hard work and good choices. You need all 3.

w4nnabesahm · 17/11/2016 07:47

but you are lucky. Your DH has a good job because he worked hard.Well, so did mine but an accident changed it all.

My DC both have SN and are very challenging.

I have to work to make sure we can pay the bills despite have 2 children with SN (one severely) - also due to DH earning little after an accident.

we dont save because there is nothing left to save at the end if the month despite (both!!!) of us getting out and working.

You are very, very lucky. you are a Sahm, no money worries and you don't even work for it.

have a

Scooby20 · 17/11/2016 07:47

You can work hard and get nothing for it. So yes you are in a decent position.

I work hard and earn really well. Some luck has been involved too.

In the past I have worked as equally hard for very little.

TheUnworthy · 17/11/2016 07:47

Oh I understand I often get called lucky because....

Oh hang on I don't.

I get sneered at, mocked and reviled for working my fingers to the bone caring for severely disabled partner and dd.

Not everyone who works very hard gets paid for it, so in that respects yes your husband (and by proxy you) are lucky.

Agiraffeisnotacat · 17/11/2016 07:51

You're getting a hard time OP because anyone with a nice life who dares to have an issue is often slated on here.

I think you are saying you're fed up with people just assuming you have a nice life and that it all just landed in your lap? In that case YANBU.

As people say though, lots of people do work hard and don't get the same rewards so this sort of thread tends to bring out the sometimes bitter feelings when others work hard but get better rewards, if that makes sense?

For info, I am in a different situation from you but also have decent rewards and a comfortable life. Similar to you, DH and I worked bloody hard and studied for many years to get the rewards we have. It can be a bit galling when people just think you're 'lucky'. In reality it is a mixture of hard work and fortune.

MsGameandWatch · 17/11/2016 07:51

Well it is ok for you because however it happened, the chips that make up your life have fallen in a way that you're really happy and content with so your life situation runs smoothly. Realistically though, you're only one job loss or illness away from things taking a massive nose dive. Not that I am wishing this for you, just pointing out that many people are not ok and it's not of there own making. So your life is good but not all of that is down to you and the choices you made. Sometimes life just sends a huge pancake to splat down all over you and your hard work and good choices mean very little then.

ThePinkOcelot · 17/11/2016 07:58

Well, bully for you! My DH worked hard too, but due to an accident at work he can no longer go out and earn money. So when my dds were little, I had to go back to work, which I wouldn't have had to had my DH been able to work. So you are lucky!! Lucky that shit hasn't happened to you. Don't be so smug though, because you never know what is around the corner!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread