Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

I work with Muslims, who would not come to a pub or bar, but would eat a meal in a restaurant where alcohol is offered. To me that is reasonable.

She sounds young.

I'm also (visibly) Muslim and don't feel comfortable being in pubs: I feel self conscious as I clearly don't drink myself and also like I'm making myself into a bit of a target. It's a horrible reality that people's prejudices are more likely to erupt if they're tipsy. Why make myself vulnerable?

So I choose not to go into pubs but do get a bit left out of work socialising which tends to end up down the local.

However, I personally have no problems going to a restaurant where my friends/colleagues drink. Why would I?

Husky we've had some differences within the team, so the point of the meal is for us to have fun outside work and get to know each other a bit.

So it's not really a Christmas meal, its for team bonding. You are being made to attend because there have been team issues?

Apart from the fact that is a spectacularly bad plan (I wouldn't socialise with most of my colleagues, if I was having issues with them at work) , can you not see why she's being awkward?

If for whatever reason she doesn't want to go, but feels she has to, then she's going to have a bit of fun controlling some of it.

Many posters only read the OP so that would have been useful info to include in your first post.

And do you mention your veganism a lot? Most vegans I know talk about it all the time. Is this her way of also having a dig about that?

reader77 a pub is only a problem if you let it be one. I've been out with friends on soft drinks or one alcoholic drink in a pub and if the atmosphere is right and not full of drunk people eg lively etc then it's just been an evening where we've had one drink or soft drinks but in an evening where we can drink if need be.

"Create a president" has given me a much-needed chuckle this morning, thank you

I don't agree with halal slaughtering, so where does that leave me? Do her views trump mine?

YANBU, she is, VERY. She's been intolerant with everyone else and I'd not do as she dictates tbh. You're trying to be kind but she's taking the piss.

Maybe if she's young there is a Mum & Dad in the background who on launching her into independent life reminded her about not drinking or being at places with alcohol. Probably not considering that she would need guidance on work events separately from purely social.
She probably really wants to come but is scared of disappointing her parents and family. I know this would have been my biggest fear at 18 and I'm not a Muslim.

As I understand it even the strictest observance may be respected by having a small separate table that is pulled up to the main table as the requirement is that no Muslim should sit at the same table where a liquor is served. Another non drinking person could sit on the other side.

"That you cannot create a president ..." sorry, but .

And I think we (or the US folks) did just create one....

And do you mention your veganism a lot? Most vegans I know talk about it all the time.

And do you mention your veganism a lot? Most vegans I know talk about it all the time.

Huge generalisation ! I'm vegan, veganism is not something I ever discuss unless it's relevant, like "do you eat steak? No, I'm vegan" convo done.

This just wouldn't happen where I work. She'd be told to politely fuck off.

Um... if she is a 'religious' muslim... why is she going on a Christmas meal?... and then wanting it done her way...

Why do 99% of Atheists celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are Religious festivals.

I think both originate from pagan holidays.

That might be the origin but Christianity 'hijacked' them and Christmas is the celebration of Christs birth and Easter his death and resurrection.

Sorry she is being ridiculous. Accommodating food options which she will consume, absolutely! What other people consume...

Why do 99% of Atheists celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are Religious festivals

Because virtually every society that has ever existed outside the tropics has celebrated a midwinter festival, and the fact that those festivals have been coopted by religions isn't a good reason not to join in. The same goes, to a limited extent, to Easter spring festival (but Easter doesn't correspond very well to actual onset of spring most of the time; also, most atheists I know don't celebrate Easter)

She sounds like great team member, nothing you come up with will be good enough unless it's exactly on her terms.
There's another Christmas party for you all to attend so I'd be tempted for the smaller team build to play her at her own game. Could doing something totally different work? We went sledging in an indoor snow centre once!
She'll find fault with anything so when she pulls out, you can all still go then maybe out afterwards?

Tragically - my post is in response to all the 'if she's so Religious why would she want to attend a meal at Christmas?'. I agree with you why most people celebrate Christmas and also think it's perfectly fine for people of other Religions to join in a meal at Christmas if they want to.

Why do 99% of Atheists celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are Religious festivals

I'm an Atheist, but the whole family (all Atheists) celebrate the time of year by getting together and exchanging presents and eating lots of food. Absolutely totally unrelated to any religion

Noone i know celebrates Easter.

Easter and Christmas were originally pagan festivals stolen by the church. They're older than Christianity.

All these suggestions for physical activities such as rock climbing, laserquest, bowling, etc, are no good if the team has someone with a physical disability who would find it difficult to join in. Wouldn't appeal to me much, either.

Do these alcoholophobes avoid petrol stations that sell bio-ethanol?