Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

The alcohol at Xmas is very much part of culture and for many Christians taking wine at communion is part of their worship.
Are you really trying to equate the most holy part of Christian ritual with getting pissed at a Christmas dinner? Really?
And no, Christmas and Easter are not pagan, the dates for them are. It was convenient for the early Church to replace older pagan celebrations with newer ones, rather than finding another date for their main festivals.

All these suggestions for physical activities such as rock climbing, laserquest, bowling, etc, are no good if the team has someone with a physical disability who would find it difficult to join in. Wouldn't appeal to me much, either.

Nor me. Maybe it needs to be a cream tea somewhere with those who want to going to the pub after.

3 options - one without alcohol at all such as cinema , museum, art gallery, mug painting etc (trying hard to type those out with a straight face - sounds VERY exciting NOT) or whatever, one in a restaurant where you can bring your own alcohol (and if this idea wins ask the drinkers separately to be discrete) and the other one in a restaurant serving halal food and booze and an email:

"Hi all, decided to open this out to a vote as no-one can bloody decide where to go!! Options are xxx Get back to me by x with your vote and it will be set in stone and will let you know when its booked :)"

There is no way this one girl, whatever her religion/background/objections etc should be able to demand where everyone else on the team goes so open it out to a vote and then its sorted the good old fashioned way.

One person cannot dictate to that level for a whole other group. I'd explain that you are going to book for the majority and she is welcome to come or not as her choice.

We recently had a team
Bonding event at a go cart place which was excellent - after rhe event we all went out for dinner and drinks - perhaps you could do something first to include those who can't go and do something in the evening as a dinner / drinks thing that way no one misses out

Our Christmas do has been cancelled and reorganised to an Indian restaurant. I'm not happy as they're not serving traditional christmas food, not doing anything special and it just won't feel like Christmas...

Oh we haven't had a Muslim thread since Ramadan and the horror stories of all those bad fasting Muslims in the office.

Anyway, I'm Muslim. I don't drink or buy alcohol and I don't go to pubs where the sole purpose is drinking.

I am happy to go to a restaurant that serves alcohol and sit with people drinking alcohol. I won't pay for it however, and so when bill time comes, my (nice, normal, friendly colleagues) just whip out the calculator on their phone and work out the split so me and 3 other Muslim colleagues don't pay for the booze.

Absolutely no dramas.

My FIL is very religious and never goes to a restaurant that serves alcohol. He doesn't want to be in its presence or give money to an establishment which then uses that money to buy alcohol. He is a lovely, kind, decent man. He works in a very small office (only 3 people) with people he has known for over 20 years so this is a non-issue for him but I know in his case he would just bow out without making a fuss.

She is young and inexperienced. A little kindness and compassion goes a long way. You have lots of options:

get the boss to explain to her that the team isn't happy about halal/non-drinking whatever

or compromise and go halal with no alcohol and then a separate pub/place for drinking after

Or go vegetarian but with booze

Or a halal place with alcohol

or a tea

But it should be a consensus. Our office has taken to sending out a survey type form that everyone fills in and return to boss who then goes with majority rule with regards to dates/places. you could set up the same.

As an aside I am not remotely surprised at some of the comments on this thread. I used to engage and argue with every one of them but after 6 years of Ramadan threads, I can't bear it any more

Why can't she just choose a veggie option instead of needing a halal restaurant?

crystal This is not "a muslim thread" and I'm irritated that you're being so condescending when I've tried my best to keep discussion courteous throughout.

I'm sorry you're pissed off for whatever reason but I interact with others on the basis of their behaviour. Belonging to a protected group is not a free pass to behave as you want and have it excused.

Because the veggie option would be in a regular restaurant that serves alcohol. Her main issue (as I see it. OP?) is the alcohol aspect rather than the halal.

And the only places not serving alcohol would be a halal restaurant ergo it would have to be halal

cactus I wasn't referring to your comments on this thread actually. You're the one being chippy.

But actually I do wonder about the purpose of your post. Do you want advice or just have people agree that this woman is an entitled Muslim cow?

You've started this thread even thought it's not entirely clear what kinds of conversations have occurred with her. Have other options been suggested to her? What is the consensus among colleagues? What's your boss saying? Why doesn't anyone say to her actually this isn't very reasonable etc etc.

And yes I'm pissed off. Ffs someone suggested chucking bacon around the office. And this isn't the first time these kinds of comments appear off the back of a 'muslim' thread.

Also I gave you some suggestions too. I was trying to be helpful

Maybe you should read the thread rather than looking for reasons to get pissed off. I am not responsible for the chip on your shoulder. Your suggestions have been made by PP.

I am not posting on here just to get attacked by people who don't bother to read things.

Well in that case, if it's not a Christmas do, but a get-to-know you team-building type exercise then you can't team-build if someone is missing. Is there a posh cafe type place you could go to that doesn't serve alcohol?

If it was the Christmas do then I could understand but it isn't so why does everyone need to drink?

I struggle with these kind of things as I don't really drink so it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

A meal is a funny thing to do for team bonding anyway....usually it's something more physical

What's "ODFOD" mean? It's not on the acronym list and it's not one I recognize D:

Ok. I'm out. Good luck bonding as a team.

Thank you again for all the suggestions about a tea room, I have also cancelled the cheque and asked my babysitter about the calpol.

I agree with crystalgall

OP, do you really think you were courteous throughour the thread? I don't think your comment 'some bloke sat on a cloud checking whether I'm near alcohol or not' was particularly courteous. You then go on to say, somewhat ironically, that 'I don't think it's fair to say my beliefs are less valuable than someone else's.'.

I don't find that discourteous.I have no obligation to respect a god that doesn't exist for me. You're nitpicking at this point.

A meal is a funny thing to do for team bonding anyway....usually it's something more physical

I'd say the opposite. With a meal you're all sitting round a table and everyone can talk to everyone else. With an activity you don't really get an opportunity to talk. And not everyone wants to, or physically can, do an activity, whereas most people can sit at a table and talk.

why does everyone need to drink?

I don't need to drink, and I don't always drink when I go out, but I enjoy a glass of wine with a meal, and it's my choice whether I have one or not, same as I choose whether to have chips with my main course, or a dessert with chocolate - sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but I want to have the choice.

Do you want advice or just have people agree that this woman is an entitled Muslim cow?

Or how about just an entitled cow. Because thats what she sounds like, regardless of her religion.

But it's just not enough for some people to call her an entitled cow is it?

They have to insult her faith, her God, her beliefs, her values.

Listen I think she's being ridiculous to insist on no alcohol at the table. I've already said so. I would never do that nor would nearly every other Muslim I know.

They have to insult her faith, her God, her beliefs, her values

I havent seen that. What posts have done this?

To be fair to the op I don't think her posts have been anything other than balanced and seeking advice.

Personally I think a meal is perfect for a team build, contrary to some posts most people over 40 wouldn't fancy rock climbing or Go karting!

The young 18 year old woman in question is obviously enjoying being the centre of office attention and dramatising herself like some teenagers are prone to do.

Think the issue of religion is a red herring.

The majority should book where they choose and she can come or not as she likes.