to be fed up at another visit from the in-laws?

[Fianceechickie]

My in laws live in Ireland and they left yesterday after a four night visit. Just before they left they booked more flights for 8th Dec to come for another five nights. I know they want to see their son (my DH) and their grandchildren (my DSCs) but its wearing me out. We only have three bedrooms so when they come, they have to be given our room. There is seven of us in the house when they are here as, understandably they want to come when the DSCs are also visiting. They are lovely people and I like them very much but I don't sleep well on the lilo in the lounge and I'm finding the planning, shopping and cooking for 7 people really hard. I'm a teacher so need to also try to work at home but with only a kitchen diner, lounge and three beds, its impossible when they're here and anyway I feel like all I do is prepare food with brief breaks. I can't ask them to sleep on the lilo as my mum in law has bad back and father in law is 6 foot 4 and about 25 stone and anyway they sleep so long every morning (11.30 ish) that they would be in the way in the lounge. They go to bed correspondingly late too. I did think of maybe putting the kids all in one room but my son is 13, DSS 9 and DSD 11 and its not really appropriate for them all to be in the same room. My DH is worried in particular that his DD shouldn't share with my DS. Just feeling really fed up. Have also posted on the meals page to get food ideas!

Ow I wouldn't like such long visits it's hard work being on top of each other especially if you aren't in same time zones and still have to get up for work and are expected to run round after everyone. I would suggest hotel stay or have a couple of nights out with girls or late finishes, ask them to prepare meal, order a take away or sort meal out etc. It's unfair landing you with all that extra work and people. A man I used to work with used to say guests are like fish you don't mind it but it stinks after 2 days. It's true Inn my opinion.

Tapandgo, oh I was making dinner while reading the thread, I missed that bit! Phew

What about the PILs staying with DSS and DSD's mum to see their DGC. I don't know if this is right or not, but your DS may be from a previous relationship and therefore the PILs are not his real GPs.
I do hope that your DS is included as part of the family when PILs are staying with you.
Your DH seems to be worried about what the ex will say about all the DCs being in the one room, he is worried about standing up to the PILs and he gets panicked about the supermarket! Does not seem to be very brave at all. Maybe he would be worried to be sleeping alone if you went in with the DSD.

You cant go on at this rate especially the frequency of disrupted sleep.
My ex PILs used to spend the winter abroad with family members because it was cheaper to pay for the flights than to heat their house all winter. The flights were long haul so not cheap. Maybe you are being taken for a ride by the PILs. It is likely cheaper to pay their flights that to heat their house and eat during the times they spend with you. Don't be MILs double and let your DH away with more unreasonable expectations.

Gingerbreath I think in many families, mixed siblings aged 12 and 13 could and would share a room on holiday, when relatives stay etc. Just on a temporary basis.

But if such siblings are permanently sharing a room once the teenage years / puberty kick in, then it would be advisable for them to stop sharing as privacy needs change.

But for mixed siblings or step siblings for a few nights while the GPs are there - no problem.

OP, why have you given up your bed? If there isn't room for ILs without someone giving up their bed then there simply isn't room for them. If MiL has a bad back she needs a proper bed - there are plenty of guest houses/hotels around.

If they can't afford hotels then they come less frequently. I'd begin with that point. As for all the running around after them, well bollocks! No. Just no. Even now you're planning and thinking about how you can accommodate them and help your DH do the shopping. Why?

The only advice I have is to refuse to give your bed up, refuse to do the shopping and preparation for their next visit; leave it all to DH to deal with. Let him step up and take responsibility. He might not be so keen to have them back if he has to do everything. If he even attempted to get me to relinquish my bed for them I'd be off like a shot too - that is a step to far for me.

Sorry OP, my sympathy just vanished - you say you have been assuring the PIL that you don't mind, that you love having them, please come again soon, etc?? And you didn't think they'd take you at your word, why? Are you known for lying?

FFS people, tell the truth, politely and kindly, and all manner of problems just go away.

What a horrible post Red.

I think redorange is right. You say they have debts so undoubtedly coming to you for 4 days at a time means they don't have to pay for heating, electricity or food. You keep telling them that you love having them, that it is no bother. They just see a win win situation. But it is a situation of your own making.
Start being honest and put some non-negotiable rules in place.
They are taking the piss but you have encouraged them to!

Somehow I knew it would end up all being the OP's fault

I wouldn't say it's the OP's "fault", but I would say OP has more power to change the situation then she might think she does.

If I was you op I would put in practice what you have suggested for their next visit. Then for their Christmas present buy them tickets for when YOU would next like to see them. Mention when they open the present how busy you are going to be between now and then and how you wouldn't possible be able to cater for guests.

'utterly panicked'. Oh dear. He needs to start pulling his weight now so that by the time his parents come over again, he is well versed in walking to a supermarket, choosing a range of items, putting them in bags and paying for them.

Utterly unacceptable. Utterly pathetic. Utter bullshit more like.

The OP has said that she knows this is a bit of her own making, but she also (very reasonably) didn't expect anybody to feel quite this free to impose on her life. No need to slate her for it - she seems very self-aware.

Instead of the them visiting you again why not suggest instead that you and your family will visit them in Ireland for a weekend instead. That way your DH would get to see his friends/family he may not see that often.

At the same time Invest in a good sofa bed and tell your in laws you love them coming to see your family but you also need sleep in order to work, so tell them they will have to go to bed by say 11 o'clock so you can sleep in lounge or give them option of sleeping in new sofa bed and you go to bed in your own room earlier.

If money's tight so takeaways/meals out aren't an option and you are stuck with cooking for 7 I wouldn't be doing time consuming meals from scratch. I'd put a few pizzas/tray of ready made lasagne in the oven and serve with a bag of prepared salad and cherry tomatoes or something. If the pils don't like cooking I doubt they'll be having anything better at home.

Hang on - he's panicked at thought of going to supermarket alone??

A - bull! I agree he's actually freaking out at the turning worm!

B - op what if anything does he do when his parents AREN'T Visiting?

I'm thinking you'll never get rid of them once you've got that extension OP.

I can't believe that they won't even take you out for dinner a couple of times. Do they contribute towards the expenses at all while they are there? I feed by father a couple of times a week and I notice the difference to my food bill from that. It must be costing you a fortune!

Oh, fuck him off! Panicked about going to a supermarket alone. Blows my mind how anyone can be attracted to such a pathetic adult.

Am i reading this right.....you have to leave one child at home when you go to visit them because 'there's no room'.
But you make the room for them everytime they come over?

No, don't mind we just don't take any of the kids that often. If we do, we take them all and stay in a cottage or similar. They would accommodate us after a fashion but would be v awkward. My DS has Aspergers so would be distressed if didn't have relatively normal sleeping arrangements. Some quite insulting comments about my DH. I should say, though haven't before as not relevant, he does do some of the housework...washing, ironing, bathroom cleaning, washing up, dusting, hoovering etc and when I taught full time he did the majority. He also buys me presents, flowers etc, takes me out, buys me tickets for stuff etc...he just doesn't often cook and only shops if I tell him what to get. He also makes sure the boys learn to do housework jobs so they dust, wash up etc. My original moan was about the frequency of visits, sleeping arrangements, food prep, shopping and cooking cos they are the things I do all of so it was me their visits were putting the most strain on. It is in some ways a situation of my own making but we have agreed now that next time will be different. He knows he owes me one. Has done all the washing that built up at the weekend and has cooked and cleaned up so hopefully has 'got it' now and I'm going to be a bit more honest in future and not be nice to everyone at my own expense!

All's well that ends well