to be fed up at another visit from the in-laws?

[Fianceechickie]

My in laws live in Ireland and they left yesterday after a four night visit. Just before they left they booked more flights for 8th Dec to come for another five nights. I know they want to see their son (my DH) and their grandchildren (my DSCs) but its wearing me out. We only have three bedrooms so when they come, they have to be given our room. There is seven of us in the house when they are here as, understandably they want to come when the DSCs are also visiting. They are lovely people and I like them very much but I don't sleep well on the lilo in the lounge and I'm finding the planning, shopping and cooking for 7 people really hard. I'm a teacher so need to also try to work at home but with only a kitchen diner, lounge and three beds, its impossible when they're here and anyway I feel like all I do is prepare food with brief breaks. I can't ask them to sleep on the lilo as my mum in law has bad back and father in law is 6 foot 4 and about 25 stone and anyway they sleep so long every morning (11.30 ish) that they would be in the way in the lounge. They go to bed correspondingly late too. I did think of maybe putting the kids all in one room but my son is 13, DSS 9 and DSD 11 and its not really appropriate for them all to be in the same room. My DH is worried in particular that his DD shouldn't share with my DS. Just feeling really fed up. Have also posted on the meals page to get food ideas!

Another thing OP, I think you mentioned that you will be building an extension at some point. I would be wary in case this should lead to the in-laws 'visits' becoming an almost permanent fixture.

If your DH can hold down a full time job then he can prepare a meal. Don't accept No. Any idea why his first marriage broke up?

Hang on. So the lovely ILs get a free holiday with your kids, while you slave over a hot stove and sleep on a cold lilo. Oh, and they invite themselves whenever they feel like it. Definitely something wrong here. They are DH's parents - he should show a bit of support for you. Either he mucks in, or they can shift for themselves.

I'd also have a sit down and agree how often and when is reasonable for them to visit. Oh and visits shouldn't be booked until they are agreed by you and them.

I am surprised they can afford all of these flights seeing as they are in so much debt!

Cost of flights between uk and ireland are really low at the moment - 20 quid last paid by DH last week - cheaper than train to London from here

If they dislike cooking so much, they probably eat ready meals at home. You shouldn't be having to cook every day, but you don't have to get an expensive takeaway either. I would be getting piles of v cheap Aldi/Lidl pizzas and ready meals in, and thinking quick and easy - e.g. pasta and jars of tomato sauce. If they really want to see you, they won't mind what they eat for a few days.

The OP said at one point that the flights can be as little as £20.

Still, it stacks up if they come over to freeload as often as she describes.

Exactly sassy - from the updates it appears as if OP is a bit of a gourmet chef, but ready meals are much cheaper ( and easy for others to heat up/microwave) than a takeaway.

If you have the means, could you put a log cabin in the garden with a futon? Your kids would love it and use it as there own sitting room. the in laws would be out your hair when they visit.

The kids should share. Sleeping in a living room is just hideous.

Ergh! You have my total sympathy! My ILs come every 2-3 months but we have a terrible relationship and I dread their visits. They always want to come for several days...we invite them for a weekend and they have been known to turn up on Thursday and leave on Tuesday! 😱 It is so hard when they want to spend every minute of their visit "doing something" as if all the shit I need to get done every day just stops. I don't think they realise how hectic our life is with 2 small children.

On their last visit they invited (without our permission or knowledge) dh's brother and his wife to stay at our house too!

We had to tell the brother no as we had too much going on but DH never brought it up with his mum.

Wtf? Any way, I ended up siting drinking wine stewing in my anger and then absolutely lost my shit. It was awful. 8 years of pent up fucking anger over every little comment or visit came spewing out my mouth in literally the worst way possible!

Consider me a cautionary tale. Do not let it get to the point where you get so tired or being angry you just end up loosing it in a completely disasterous way!

Now I have to kiss her ass for (I would say 6 months will do) to make up for my appalling behaviour.

not read all of the thread However is a sofa bed not a possibility?

I would be so tempted to book myself a cottage/B&B/anywhere for a few days not tell them where it is and leave them all to it.

This is what I was going to suggest - or perhaps a small local hotel. Then you can have a break - work when you want, put your feet up with a bottleglass of wine, watch what you like on the telly, read a book - the world is the aquatic mollusc of your choice!

It will also let your selfish git of a husband see just what you do every day that he and the rest of them just take for granted. When he has to do everything from sorting the beds, cooking the meals and picking up after the children to ensuring homework is done, getting the shopping and changing the loo roll, he will realise how much graft is involved.

Haven't read all of it but what about putting DSD in with her grandparents? The boys in together. You and dh get the other room.

Sorry but screw that for a game of soldiers. That would be far too much visitation for me! Maybe you just need to be direct and risk them being a bit put out because it doesn't sound like the nicey nicey approach will get results and if you don;t over time resentment will build. Plus you don't want to end up knackered over your xmas break.

I am an ASD mither though. My house is basically a no-go zone.

Could you not just be straight with them and say you loved having them and are looking forward to seeing them again but would they mind it if they could stay in a B&B temporarily just until the extension is done as you both slept terribly on the lilo and was really tired for work plus you work at half me to do which is very important for your job as you have school marking to do and find you don't have the space to do it. Also maybe suggest just until the extension is done that you are happy to contribute to a B&B plus they could maybe come to yours for dinner. Maybe one night they could babysit whilst you and hubby go out. Cheap and very easy meal ideas are pizza/salad, jacket potatoes cheese/coleslaw and salad, fish & chips, chilli con carne and rice. Let them sort their own breakfast and lunch out. I'm sure they wouldn't want you and your husband not sleeping well and being uncomfortable plus it's only a temporary measure until you have more room.

He looked "quite panicked" about going to the fucking supermarket?????
How old is he?

Don't know why I'm still so surprised to hear that there really are men out there who behave like this. I presume he manages to wipe his own arse and get himself to work each day, without you helping him?

If MIL and FIL 'don't like' cooking and so won't when they're over at yours, what the hell do they eat at home? I'd get a load of microwave meals in and when you come home after a long day at work, announce there's some meals in the freezer, you're welcome to pop them in the microwave whenever you're hungry! No wonder they like coming over - £20 in flights and they get accommodation and meals all for free, nice little cheap jolly for them!

So why exactly can't the inlaws sleep on the lilo?

They are royally taking the piss OP. I would on reasonable times rent them a room at the local premier inn anyway, but not 1/4 of the time...!

Regardless of the cooking/shopping etc - these visits would be far too regular for me. Apart from inconvenience of sleeping arrangements etc, the rest necessary after work isn't the same when you have visitors imo.

Surely they can come during your school holiday times and stay in a hotel where at least you'd get your own house back and not have to do breakfasts etc.

Just have to tell them you both are having issues sleeping and finding an over full house stressful at this point in your life that is affecting your working and home life.

I cook every night. Even when he is has time I come home from work then cook. With a lump in my throat. My kids need to eat so I do it. So unfair
Put a stop to it all. You will end up as resentful as I am. Not good for any relationship.

Would it be easier for you if they came in the school holiday time instead? Then you wouldn't have the stress of working too whilst they are over.

My 13 year old ds and 12 year old dd share a room. I'm worried I'm doing something wrong now

Ginger - I'm guessing it's the step relationship that is being questioned potentially by the other mum