to be fed up at another visit from the in-laws?

[Fianceechickie]

My in laws live in Ireland and they left yesterday after a four night visit. Just before they left they booked more flights for 8th Dec to come for another five nights. I know they want to see their son (my DH) and their grandchildren (my DSCs) but its wearing me out. We only have three bedrooms so when they come, they have to be given our room. There is seven of us in the house when they are here as, understandably they want to come when the DSCs are also visiting. They are lovely people and I like them very much but I don't sleep well on the lilo in the lounge and I'm finding the planning, shopping and cooking for 7 people really hard. I'm a teacher so need to also try to work at home but with only a kitchen diner, lounge and three beds, its impossible when they're here and anyway I feel like all I do is prepare food with brief breaks. I can't ask them to sleep on the lilo as my mum in law has bad back and father in law is 6 foot 4 and about 25 stone and anyway they sleep so long every morning (11.30 ish) that they would be in the way in the lounge. They go to bed correspondingly late too. I did think of maybe putting the kids all in one room but my son is 13, DSS 9 and DSD 11 and its not really appropriate for them all to be in the same room. My DH is worried in particular that his DD shouldn't share with my DS. Just feeling really fed up. Have also posted on the meals page to get food ideas!

I bet if they were told that they have to sleep on the lilo, the visits would be much less frequent.

This isn't about your ILs. The problem here is your husband and his sense of entitlement.

What exactly are you getting out of marriage where your husband abdicates responsibility for all the shit work because he doesn't like doing it? And, don't say his stressful job is an excuse. Teaching is an incredibly stressful and time-consuming job. Teaching hours from M-Th does not mean you aren't working full time.

Please read Wifework bySusan Maushart and think about just how many more hours you already work than your husband - even without a full time job.

I think a pp could be right, you don't have a PIL problem, you have a DH problem. Can you be sure that your DH isn't telling his parents that they should come over as often as they like and money is now problem as you can put them up/ feed them?

It could be the case that they are under the impression that you love having them and don't mind at all being put out!

Don't know if it's possible, but do you know anyone who owns a touring caravan you could borrow? If you could park it up on your driveway or something? That way at least it would free up the space situation. They could use it as a bedroom & get up whatever time they want etc. Me & my OH have done this when we've visited family in New Zealand.

Did the in laws actually check with you guys before booking? Up to them if they want to buy tickets but they should not just expect you guys to put them up!

My parents come to visit once every couple of months for a week and they book somewhere to stay.

It is imaterial that the flight is only £10. They also have parking/transport to the airport. If they only came half as much, they could give a good chunk of cash to a cheap meal out each time they came (say £10 for transport so £50). If they only came about 3 times a year, they could pay for a bed in a cheap Airbnb. These can cost as little as £30.

"Nice cheap little holiday. Put your feet up love and let Fianceechick look after us. Same time next month?"

Agree with the others who have said that you have a DH issue not a PIL one.

I'd also like to add that you need to tell (not pussyfoot around it) your DH that this visit will be the last one for a while, perhaps the Easter Holidays (end of April 2017) or next summer unless you are all going to make the trip to Ireland instead.

Whatever happens, I hope you're able to have an enjoyable in so far as it's possible visit when then inlaws come to stay

yes your DH is BU. Not one of the 3 adults, 2 of which aren't working, are capable of sorting out a cheap dinner? No wonder they think you're one in a million...

To all those saying put the kids in the sitting room - how does that work when they go to bed earlier than everyone else? It means everyone has to go to their rooms at about 8-9pm?

Bloody hell, that would drive me insane.

You need to start 'having none of it' too.

I would insist on school holiday visits only.

Only read the first and last page, so sorry if someone else has already suggested this: i'm a teacher too, and I'd be moving in with a colleague for the nights of the 8th, 11th and 12th December i.e. those nights when you have to get up to go to work the next day - a sympathetic colleague is not going to keep you up until all hours and you might even get some constructive work done instead of waiting hand and foot on people who have more free time than you do.
Your "guests" and their son would then realise just how much you actually do for them.

To all those saying put the kids in the sitting room - how does that work when they go to bed earlier than everyone else? It means everyone has to go to their rooms at about 8-9pm?

And if they do, it might begin to dawn on the others that this situation is not sustainable.

Yet another woman married to a lazy, entitled manchild. 'He's having none of it'. 'He this' 'He that'.

And a thousand suggestions about what you can do about it all to make it better for you to put up with this.

Just NO.

No wonder his first marriage broke up. She probably got sick of his bullshit.

I'd arrange for you and your son to stay somewhere else for the next visit - a friend, a hostel, a hotel.

And do nothing. No shopping, planning, etc. LOL @ 'he doesn't like cooking' so he does FA for his parents visits but he's too tight to get a takeaway. Why would he? He has you to do it all.

I can't believe they're at your house sitting around all day, and then you come back from a long day at work, and you're the one who has to magic up dinner for 7!! :-0

I would be so tempted to book myself a cottage/B&B/anywhere for a few days not tell them where it is and leave them all to it.
You could then do all your work, relax, sleep in a bed and see them when YOU want to.

Seriously, stop dealing with them and let your DH do it all, only then will he see just exactly how much work their visits cause.

I was gonna say what worra said.

-whispers- just book yourself into a B and B

treat yourselffffff

As far as I am concerned frequent visits are ok OR extended stays are ok, but not both! There is no way I'd be sleeping in my front room for 5 days every month if I had to get up and go to work the next day, and hosting is tiring, I simply couldn't do it that much. A compromise has to be reached. If they want to pop over every month then it needs to be Friday to Monday only. If they must stay for nearly a week , then they need to come at half terms and other school holidays mostly- there are 6 holidays a year so that's still a lot of visits!

Since you find it hard to stand up to this bullying git, you're going to need to leave with your son for the duration of their next visit. And do nothing for it beforehand, no stocking the cupboards, etc.

Do you have a friend, relative or colleague who can put you two up? Or can you afford a Premier Inn?

I think leaving him to it might change his attitude.

Being so uncomfortable about your son and his daughter sharing is really quite odd. Could you suggest a boys rooms and a girls room? i.e. You share with DSD, and he shares with your DS and DSS? Your DH might not be keen as you get the better end of deal sharing with only one of the kids, but why shouldn't you? They are his parents!

Echoing PPs just because you don't like cooking or cleaning or any other domestic crap doesn't mean as an adult you get to stamp your princessy feet and declare you're above doing it! I agree they're all soooo happy with the situation because they don't have to lift a finger - of course your 'D'H doesn't want to change the status quo - it suits him down to the ground.

Also visiting Tues-Thurs during term time? I can't imagine they'd have much quality time with the DC? What do they do from 9-4pm? I'm suspicious that with cheap flights are they seeing it as a cosy 5 star holiday where they get to save money on food and heating as well! Or is that over thinking it? Also doesn't solve your DH problem.

They paid out £40 for air travel in December. Send them a cheque and tell them to rebook at Easter, bringinfg Xmas gifts then. Explain that you cannot do your job without a comfartable bed and somewhere to work.
Tell your husband after you have done this.
You need to care for YOURSELF as well as family.

Move in with a friend when you have work to go to the next day.

You need to woman up and tell DH to do half the cooking and chores - tough shit if he does not like doing these I'm sure these are not your idea of fun either. And stop engaging, stand your ground. Think about what the DC are learning from you both (as well as the in laws).

I would put pils in one bedroom , i would not be giving up my bed and three children could share or put girl child on a put me up bed in your room , as for meals i would come in from work and say ive got loads of work to get done and shut myself in bedroom with a nice cuppa , come down at meal time and say whats for dinner ? with four adults plus teens in house im sure they can manage , you are not a slave and need your sleep and rest