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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to be fed at a kid's birthday party?

208 replies

Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 20:54

Took my two DC aged 2 and 1 to a birthday party this weekend. The party was for a girl turning 3, organised by her parents who are close friends of my DH.
First part of the party was at a playground in a local park, second half at home. We were invited for 11 till 4pm. It took us 1.5 hours each way to travel to the party.

Day before the party they rang to say that we should bring snacks for the park. Fine, we got some baguettes, humus, fruit etc. Around 6 families were there, all with one or two kids. Assumed everybody would share snacks in the park. Turned out that nobody was sharing, so we just ate our own snacks which we thought was odd but fine.

Then we all transferred to their home at around 2pm. It was freezing and everybody was cold. Kids were hungry. At their house they served water. And when I asked we got a cup of tea. But that was literally it.

It was a fun party otherwise, but is it the done thing to not offer ANY food at a kid's birthday party??

Disclaimer: both my partner and I are from different countries so are now wondering whether this is an English thing? Have we been overfeeding our guests at our parties for years???

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 15/11/2016 19:15

The word party should not be used in relation to that afternoons events. YANBU.

iMogster · 15/11/2016 19:16

I took my son to a 2 hour soft play party. They had a cupcake per child and nothing else. My son (and other kids) were hungry and I had nothing with me. It was 12-2pm and he hadn't eaten since breakfast, we didn't have anything to eat before as I assumed there would be party food. It is the ONLY party we've been to without food included, so not the norm.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 15/11/2016 19:22

Every children's party I've ever hosted (don't go to other people's, just make MrZippy take them!) there has been a mountain of food left over and parents have been well fed. I sometimes forget to make the tea though and have to be reminded.
It seems to be popular now for the adults to have alcoholic drinks but that brings on my cat's bum face, so would never happen at a party for one of my kids.

Gilly12345 · 15/11/2016 19:33

That is terrible, the couple have no manners or idea on how to treat people, especially as you had a long journey to attend, I understand some people may be short of money but if you can't afford food and drinks for everyone then they really shouldn't bother have such an embarrassing party.

Next time (and hopefully) there won't be a next time I would find a good excuse not to go.

Nicpem1982 · 15/11/2016 19:34

What odd behaviour from the hosts op you are definitely NBU

I have never been to a children's party where the children have not been fed and usually there is food for the adults too!

At my dds first party we did a church hall type job and had mini French pastries for the adults with tea and coffee (no alcohol as hosted in a church) and a buffet for the children which the parents then helped themselves to

How odd

bunnyfuller · 15/11/2016 19:42

Feed everyone, FGS, it makes it all much more bearable and enjoyable for everyone. Full kids and adults are happy kids and adults. No idea why people miss this trick, especially with Iceland doing massive packs of little crappity things to gobble

nosyupnorth · 15/11/2016 19:42

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that YABU.

Maybe having parties where the host caters is more common, but I don't think it's at all unreasonable to ask guests to sort their own food. You were told to bring your own food, which clearly indicated that they were expecting you to feed yourself so why would you expect them to provide more food on top of that?

It sounds like you had a perfectly adequate lunch, with the food they told you to bring. With your travel time maybe you might have required a dinner for the trip as well, but that would be on you to sort out not them.

Corcory · 15/11/2016 19:44

Just the most ridiculous sort of party I've ever heard of. Sounds like they didn't really even have to entertain the children either as you all went to the park! What would have happened if it had rained? Far too long for a party anyway. 2 hours is the usual time scale.

LoisEighty · 15/11/2016 19:46

If I was close enough to someone to travel 1.5 hours each way to spend 5 hours with them, over a meal time, for a toddler's party, I am definitely close enough to ask for a cup of tea. Actually I would have asked them where the food and cake was!

LoisEighty · 15/11/2016 19:49

I wouldn't feed adults if it was a genuine kids' party (I mean children over 3/4 where you are inviting the child as the guest, rather than toddler parties where really you are inviting adult friends who have kids) and it wasn't over an adult meal time - 10am-12pm or 2pm-4pm party would involve birthday lunch/tea for the kids and tea/coffee for adults.

MaybeDoctor · 15/11/2016 20:06

I think it was a marital tiff leading to two parties. One of them wanted to do a full on party with lots of food (hence fridge full of quiche ready for the second party), the other wanted to keep it simple (hence doing bugger all).

I went to one like this. It was a barbeque and we were encouraged to bring some meat, expecting to arrive to a table full of side dishes and a BBQ of hot coals. The DH staggered in under carrier bags about 30 minutes into the party, then proceeded to light the BBQ. The DW (generally super efficient and hospitable) quietly mentioned that they had agreed on two parties and that 'hers' had been suitably catered for earlier in the week... Grin.

KatherinaMinola · 15/11/2016 20:11

I agree with Maybe. And this was my very first thought:

"I have a feeling that perhaps they had a fight over who should do the cooking for the party or whatever, and in the end both sulked and nothing was prepared."

Or there is a competent person who said "Your turn darling" and left everything except the shopping to the incompetent person (hence the full fridge).

I am intrigued to know how it was "a fun party otherwise" though Grin !

zoemaguire · 15/11/2016 20:13

Not only would I definitely cater for any adults that I knew were coming (if only encouraging them to help themselves to the kids' stuff), I'm Shock at the idea that somebody upthread wouldn't offer food to any extra children that turned up! I even make spare party bags just in case we get unexpected siblings. I'm half not English though, if that makes a difference Grin

Elfieselfie · 15/11/2016 20:17

Nice spot of stereotyping about single mothers on this thread. I have been a single mum for many years, my earnings have varied wildly from 12k to six figures. I can assure you that even when struggling financially, my children have always had parties and all guests - children, siblings, parents have been well catered for. If I was unable to feed our guests then I would simply not host a party.

Op - not normal, even for 'single mothers'.

LunaLambBhuna · 15/11/2016 20:18

We went to a toddler's party once. There were a few families invited to the host's house. She served up a few small sandwiches to the kids, along with a couple of cocktail sausages, etc.

The hilarious part was when she invited any hungry adults to eat up the left over crusts from the kids sandwiches. My husband was absolutely horrified! We always feed everyone - probably too much.

falange · 15/11/2016 20:24

Mean. But I wouldn't be going to a party that took me 1.5 hours to get to.

bluebellsparklypants · 15/11/2016 20:28

Oh my no food and only at a push a cup of tea! I would of been starving let alone my kid!

Well maybe your right they had an argument over cooking arrangements if they only called the day b4 to say bring snacks
Just had my DS 1st birthday catered for 40 adults & children, I wouldn't want anyone coming to a party im hosting and not offer them some kind of food & drinks
And tut tut for them not even having a cake what's the party world coming to!!

expatinscotland · 15/11/2016 20:30

Lalunya, they are not 'good friends' they are cheap ass mother fuckers. C'mon! If you're hosting a party that long, you know it's expected to offer at least something to your guests unless you specifically tell them to bring all their own food. If you're so short of cash you can't lay on a few sausage rolls and sandwiches, you don't have a party or you have a bring and share and specify no gifts, please.

But you know, I've never met anyone that short of cash who would even host a party because they'd be fucking mortified to be so inhospitable.

Not even offering a hot drink is ridiculous.

Please, stop considering tight arses 'good friends'.

SoftSheen · 15/11/2016 20:33

YANBU. Absolutely no excuse for this, even if you can't cook or are on a tight budget. A cheap packet of biscuits costs 30p. If you can't manage that, don't have a 'party'.

trappedinsuburbia · 15/11/2016 20:46

Any party i've had i've told the adults to help themselves to food as well, the usual fare of sausage rolls/sandwiches/crisps/cakes. If it was in my house I would be offering tea/coffee as well even if it was only for a couple of hours.
Im certainly not rich, I think your 'friends' are either tight or just plain mean.

NoFucksImAQueen · 15/11/2016 21:01

Nothing about that party was a British thing. Parties are usually at a venue not the local park, unless it's summer maybe. They usually last a couple of hours not 5 and there is definitely food and cake. The hosts were cheap beyond belief.
I once went to a birthday meal for my sons friend and everyone paid for their own meals (as in the kids meals too not just the adults which I would totally expect to do). Even that made me raise an eyebrow as they knew everyone would bring presents so it seems so cheap. Funnily enough those same parents were tucking into the buffet at my sons party Hmm

StrawberryLime · 15/11/2016 21:12

I was coming on to say no, I'd never expect food at a children's party as an adult, (even though it's lovely when we are catered for! Smile )
To invite everyone other and not even feed the kids though?!
That's definitely not the norm, and with two school age kids I've been to loads over the years!
I don't think the food in the park thing was particularly weird, bring your own picnic to the park is always a nice thing.
On going back to the host's house though for a party I'd definitely have wondered whether there was going to be any food and a bit Confused Hmm if there wasn't any for the kids!
A buffet type picky thing at the very least, surely?! Otherwise that's a seriously strange "party."

StrawberryLime · 15/11/2016 21:13

everyone other should read everyone over. Grr.

Mom2Monkeys · 15/11/2016 21:23

I think if they'd clearly said "Bring a picnic lunch for the park", and everyone then sat down together to have their own picnic, it would have been acceptable.

If they only said to bring 'snacks', then you'd be expecting something to be provided at some point. Also, you can't have a party over a meal time, and not think about the adults. If you don't want to provide food for the adults, then you choose times like 3pm-5pm or 10pm to 12pm, thinking that the adults can eat after or before the party. You'd still provide kids food though.

ohtheholidays · 15/11/2016 22:01

No that's very strange!

Any partys we've done we've always provided lots of food and puddings for all of the children invited and we've always served seperate food for all the adults as well,it was what my Mum and Dad always did so I've always done the same.

There's nothing worse than being at a child's party over lunch/dinner time and your really hungry but there's nothing there for the adults even though they've asked adults to stay.