Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to be fed at a kid's birthday party?

208 replies

Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 20:54

Took my two DC aged 2 and 1 to a birthday party this weekend. The party was for a girl turning 3, organised by her parents who are close friends of my DH.
First part of the party was at a playground in a local park, second half at home. We were invited for 11 till 4pm. It took us 1.5 hours each way to travel to the party.

Day before the party they rang to say that we should bring snacks for the park. Fine, we got some baguettes, humus, fruit etc. Around 6 families were there, all with one or two kids. Assumed everybody would share snacks in the park. Turned out that nobody was sharing, so we just ate our own snacks which we thought was odd but fine.

Then we all transferred to their home at around 2pm. It was freezing and everybody was cold. Kids were hungry. At their house they served water. And when I asked we got a cup of tea. But that was literally it.

It was a fun party otherwise, but is it the done thing to not offer ANY food at a kid's birthday party??

Disclaimer: both my partner and I are from different countries so are now wondering whether this is an English thing? Have we been overfeeding our guests at our parties for years???

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 14/11/2016 22:59
Grin
Lollollollol · 14/11/2016 23:02

Not sure what the anti-park sentiment is though. Do people only take their kids to the park in summer?

There's nothing wrong with going to the park in winter. I've lived in places where we would go to the park when it was minus 25. However, half of this five hour party was allegedly at the park which is a long time on a cold damp November morning when there are babies and little toddlers.

It would be way too long for me.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 23:04

I'm never too shy to ask for tea. And yes, I did make it myself. I have no shame! Grin

I'm learning a lot here! Seems like feeding the kids only is definitely acceptable to most people then. I wouldn't dream of doing that! Anyone who comes to my house gets fed, party or not.

Some people have also mentioned being from the north and hence offering more food. All very, very interesting. I'm switching on my internal anthropologist.

OP posts:
neveradullmoment99 · 14/11/2016 23:05

Did the children have food?
They could have at least served some biscuits, crisps or something like that. Definetly offer a coffee/tea.
Its NOT normal.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 23:07

The park was fun by the way. I'm from a cold country so used to dressing warm. Kids were much more manageable as a result.

But some mulled wine wouldn't have gone amiss once we got to their home! It's part of the fun of being out in the cold. And some beef stew perhaps... And warm Apple crumble. But I'm getting greedy now. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 23:08

No food for the kids either never

OP posts:
ThisIsReallyNotMyName · 14/11/2016 23:12

Very odd. They should have provided food a d drink.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 23:16

bobgoblin im with you. We are also still learning how to make them as fun but stress free as possible. They are good friends and will remain good friends. They just threw a party that really baffled me! I won't be holding it against them Smile

definitely stopping at a pub on our way to their next party though! Grin

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/11/2016 23:18

How long have you been in England, OP?

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 23:21

A long time worra (more than 10 years) but I've one had children for 2 of those, so not very experienced in kid's parties etiquette...

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/11/2016 23:27

Ahh right.

Your average kid's party tends to have more food than Sainsbury's. It seems your first experience was just unlucky and a strange one.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 23:30

No, no, it wasn't my first. Previous versions were quite different. TheI have probably been to at least 3 parties where both parents were British and I have been fed and drunked beautifully... ).

I thought that not feeding was somehow acceptable though. But it seems mn agrees that it really isn't.

OP posts:
ohdearme1958 · 14/11/2016 23:36

Disclaimer: both my partner and I are from different countries so are now wondering whether this is an English thing

I understand what you're saying but I found that my very Scottish background and my husbands ARAB background were on exactly the same page when it care to sending everyone home with very full bellys.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/11/2016 23:37

I have been to and hosted my fair share of children's parties. All of them have involved feeding dc. The norm for a 2 hour party at the age parents stay is a drink (tea , coffee, wine) for the parents and a go at the leftovers.
They had a group picnic but billed it as a party.
Unless they're proper broke, they could do a cheap load of jam sandwiches, value crisps and basics choccy biscuits. A fridge of quiche suggests mean or rubbish.

Butterymuffin · 14/11/2016 23:39

Going to the park is good! But it's going to the park. It's not a party. It's an everyday / every weekend occurrence. And a party should be an event where those who've been invited get fed. You the adults haven't been invited as such, you're just the chauffeurs Wink

avamiah · 14/11/2016 23:45

I'm sorry but that's not a party.
A party is were you invite people and provide food and drinks for everybody to enjoy and share together.
Not give them a glass of water.

avamiah · 14/11/2016 23:48

Giddyon,
I'm quite partial to a slice of cheese and onion quiche from time to time. Lol.
But yes I wouldn't give it to the kids.

PleaseNotTrump · 14/11/2016 23:55

You know this this isn't usual OP. Why ask the Q?

Perhaps they are really hard up. Perhaps they are saving for IVF. Who knows.

oldlaundbooth · 15/11/2016 00:01

It's bloody ridiculous.

If you invite people and their kids over to a five hour party in the park you should provide food once you get home, preferably hot chocolate for the kids, Irish coffee for the adults and then simple stuff like pizza or sarnies for the kids and as a PP said beef stew and crumble for the adults.

Food doesn't have to be dear.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 15/11/2016 00:14

ava I think the point OP was making was that they aren't on the bones of their arses because they had a fridge full of quiche. A fridge full that didn't appear at the 'party' :) I would be happy to shove cheese & onion quiche at you if it were my fridge :)

cantmakeme · 15/11/2016 00:15

When I paid a party venue the adults got no food (except if they paid at the cafe) but that was a short 1.5 hour party. When I hosted partied for the little one anybody who came into the house was offered food, drinks (hot, cold, alcoholic). Would've been weird not to have done that in my opinion! Esp if people have travelled.

avamiah · 15/11/2016 00:53

Giddy,
Cheers.
🤔

Ldnmum2015 · 15/11/2016 01:03

Normal for single mums, as they tend to be seriously short on cash, so have often taken food along to share and never said anything, but invites with a two parent family are usually a bit more generous so is a bit weird.

BratFarrarsPony · 15/11/2016 01:13

no it is not 'normal for single mums' do you mind? How rude.
If I couldnt provide food, then I wouldnt have a party.

avamiah · 15/11/2016 01:19

Ldnmum,
Are you being serious?
Maybe the "single mum" has a Job?, and chose to be single.?