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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to be fed at a kid's birthday party?

208 replies

Lalunya85 · 14/11/2016 20:54

Took my two DC aged 2 and 1 to a birthday party this weekend. The party was for a girl turning 3, organised by her parents who are close friends of my DH.
First part of the party was at a playground in a local park, second half at home. We were invited for 11 till 4pm. It took us 1.5 hours each way to travel to the party.

Day before the party they rang to say that we should bring snacks for the park. Fine, we got some baguettes, humus, fruit etc. Around 6 families were there, all with one or two kids. Assumed everybody would share snacks in the park. Turned out that nobody was sharing, so we just ate our own snacks which we thought was odd but fine.

Then we all transferred to their home at around 2pm. It was freezing and everybody was cold. Kids were hungry. At their house they served water. And when I asked we got a cup of tea. But that was literally it.

It was a fun party otherwise, but is it the done thing to not offer ANY food at a kid's birthday party??

Disclaimer: both my partner and I are from different countries so are now wondering whether this is an English thing? Have we been overfeeding our guests at our parties for years???

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 15/11/2016 09:22

I would be very surprised by nothing being offered especially given that you have travelled at distance. If you're inviting people to anything around a time when one would eat then you either feed them or explain what the arrangements for food are - ie: you find your own

LizB62A · 15/11/2016 09:35

To be honest, the fact that you had a long journey is your issue, not theirs, and not relevant to whether you should have been fed or not. Should they check how far everyone is coming and feed people who have travelled for more than 30 mins? More than an hour?

You knew how long the party was going to be (5 hrs is a long party !) and how long the journey would take.

Personally I would have eaten before the party (if only so that my child wasn't starving and didn't just fill up on the expected party food, which turned out to be non-existent)
However I always provided food for the children (and drinks/snacks for the parents) when my son was young and we had parties for him.

And it's a bit odd that you felt the need to comment on how much you spent on the birthday present. Assuming that you're American then $15 is about £12 - that's not really worth mentioning (unless you're a DM reader and these things are important to you)

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 15/11/2016 09:58

Liz Somebody asked about the present, so I mentioned it. And the $ was a typo, I meant £. It doesn't really matter how much the present was, I agree.

I also don't think it matters how far we travelled, because even if we lived next door I would have expected food, although it would have been easier to nip home for a meal obviously. I just mentioned the journey to illustrate how long the whole day was for us and how inconvenient not to be given any food. We weren't the only ones travelling a long distance either.

Of course we all ate before we left the house Hmm. But given that we set off at 9:30 and then only had a few snacks in the park (they did NOT say bring LUNCH to the park), we were all really hungry around 2pm anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalunya85 · 15/11/2016 09:59

Funny comment about the single mums. I've been to a few parties organised by my friend who takes care of her DD entirely on her own, doesn't have much money, and her parties are smashing. And I've never left hungry!

OP posts:
Flumpnugget · 15/11/2016 10:00

At Kids parties I never gave any expectation of being offered anything, however, when hosting one, I always make sure there is shedloads of food and if it's at my home, everybody gets fed- hot food for the grown ups "party food" for the children. Nothing overtly expensive- often just jacket potatoes and a big chilli or stew- very low cost but easy for people to help themselves to.

The party you describe, OP, isn't the standard 2 hours in a hall or some such and it's very poor form that the hosts didn't cater for the length of time or consider the effort people would be making to get there. On the other hand, upon realising that you weren't going to get fed, I'm wondering what prevented you from ordering in a pizza Wink

BathshebaDarkstone · 15/11/2016 10:08

DS was invited to a party, it was held in the boy's family's restaurant, there were only sweets and cakes, most parents ended up buying food. The family were Peruvian, I thought it might be a Peruvian thing! Confused

Hygellig · 15/11/2016 10:32

That sounds a bit odd. I suppose you'd had a packed lunch in the park but would expect there to be birthday cake and then tea and biscuits offered for the adults.

Usually only children are fed at the parties I've been to, but if it's at a soft play the adults have the option of buying a drink and a snack, and there's usually loads left over at the buffet. The parties that have been at village halls have had drinks and biscuits for the adults. I am doing DS a party at home soon, and will just provide a party tea for the children, but will offer biscuits to the adults - it's at 3pm so I presume they will have all had their lunch.

Hygellig · 15/11/2016 10:33

Oh sorry I just read they didn't tell you to bring lunch to the park.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 15/11/2016 10:44

flump Pizza would have been amazing! Good idea.
But wouldn't that have embarassed the hosts? I would be mortified if it was my party! Or they might have felt that they should pick up the bill, which I wouldn't have wanted.

OP posts:
Lollollollol · 15/11/2016 11:21

Might it be a misunderstanding? The OP was told to bring food to the park so maybe the hosts were thinking people would bring a proper lunch for themselves whereas the OP just bought 'snacks'.

Not offering a cup of tea or having a cake for the kids is not ok though. Misunderstanding or not.

user1477282676 · 15/11/2016 11:23

Bathsheba I've been to American children's parties which only have sweets and cakes too. Some have pizza and cake.

It's pretty British to have a big old buffet...but I love them! Sausage rolls, crisps, cakes and biscuits! Who wants sweets and cakes alone!?

paddypants13 · 15/11/2016 11:35

I paid for the children to eat at dd's party and I also paid extra for the adults to have tea, coffee and snacks. Some people were travelling from 1.5 hours away and the party was around lunch time. I didn't pay for uninvited siblings to eat but you could buy food at the venue.

Your friends behaved strangely.

bonbonours · 15/11/2016 14:11

If the party time covers a normal meal time then it should include food. However, I have had the situation a couple of times where DS has been to a soft play party where they have chosen the cheapy option of an afterschool party, two hours and the kids get a packet of crisps and a drink not a meal. Considering this is a party between 4 and 6 (ie normal child teatime) I think this is a really wierd option for the softplay to offer, or for parents to take up.

Since then I have always asked (maybe this comes across as rude but hope I make it polite) as to whether they are serving food so that I know to give my child something beforehand if not.

kids parties are kind of an exchange, right? The hosts offer to entertain and feed your child, and in return you bring a present for their child.

Taytocrisps · 15/11/2016 14:35

Seems very mean. If I was inviting older children to a party then I wouldn't expect the parents to stay and so wouldn't have anticipated feeding the children and parents. But your children are so small that you would have to stay with them so I would have anticipated feeding the adults too and I 'd have laid on a party meal accordingly. I would never invite people to my home for 5 hours and not feed them.

ginauk84 · 15/11/2016 14:41

Not been to a party where they haven't fed the children, adults have never been fed but children have always been.

mommybunny · 15/11/2016 15:31

I don't think it's necessarily rude for the OP to question if her experience was typical for Britain (though I know, and she now knows, it's not) - in the US, where I'm from, it's unheard of to go to a party and not consume cake there - that's the whole purpose of the party! I took some time getting used to the concept of cutting birthday cake to send it home.

When mine were at the age where parents might be expected to stay I always provided food specially for the parents, always provided tea and coffee and often provided wine as well. The cakes were always too big for the number of kids so I'd push slices into parents' hands to take home to their other DCs. But I was often in a minority - I've been to plenty of parties where there was LOADS of cake left and the parents were never offered a crumb.

I always saw the process as being about meeting and getting to know the parents of my DCs' school friends, as much as celebrating DCs' birthdays. It's definitely NOT about the presents!

I've never been to a party though where the kid guests weren't fed though. Shock

BeccaAnn · 15/11/2016 16:37

cheapskates! for my DS's birthdays I'd cover the children's food and drinks, tea and coffee for parents. I am lucky as my dad is a chef so he made up some more grown up foods for the adults which was always welcomed.

Iceland or Asda do cheap enough party food it doesn't sound like they had that many mouths to feed either!

Supermam · 15/11/2016 18:17

Weird and cheapskate.

JustDanceAddict · 15/11/2016 18:25

What???!!!! Never heard of or been to a party like this.

Trying321 · 15/11/2016 18:28

That's outrageously tight. YANBU.

Sparklyglitter · 15/11/2016 18:34

Very weird! If i had invited people travelling from a far and had them for that long i would feed everyone! Cheapskates!

Smooshface · 15/11/2016 18:53

If the party spans any usual food time (lunch or dinner) some food should be on offer, did they expect guests to leave for lunch then return?

Been to a party in a park before. The hosts brought a gazebo and packed lunches for all children. And this was just a 2 hour party!

I would not expect to be fed at a normal party, but if I had guests from afar I would make sure they were ok

Mumandthemermaids · 15/11/2016 18:56

Anyone else sort of hoping that the party hosts are on Mumsnet so they can see how weird we think they are? Grin
You might actually get fed at next year's party then OP!

Donatellalymanmoss · 15/11/2016 18:59

I don't think it's a British thing at all. I think it's a particular type of person thing.

I would always provide food and drinks for anyone coming to my house adult or child.

RichardBucket · 15/11/2016 19:08

I voted in the Twitter poll before I read the thread (rookie mistake). I thought the question was whether adults should expect to be fed in addition to the kids, so I voted no.

But now I've got the full story... lord no, YANBU. Very odd. At the least, the request to bring food should have been on the invite and not sprung on you the day before! How embarrassing for anyone who'd accepted the invite and was short on money Sad