To expect to be fed at a kid's birthday party?

[Lalunya85]

Took my two DC aged 2 and 1 to a birthday party this weekend. The party was for a girl turning 3, organised by her parents who are close friends of my DH.
First part of the party was at a playground in a local park, second half at home. We were invited for 11 till 4pm. It took us 1.5 hours each way to travel to the party.

Day before the party they rang to say that we should bring snacks for the park. Fine, we got some baguettes, humus, fruit etc. Around 6 families were there, all with one or two kids. Assumed everybody would share snacks in the park. Turned out that nobody was sharing, so we just ate our own snacks which we thought was odd but fine.

Then we all transferred to their home at around 2pm. It was freezing and everybody was cold. Kids were hungry. At their house they served water. And when I asked we got a cup of tea. But that was literally it.

It was a fun party otherwise, but is it the done thing to not offer ANY food at a kid's birthday party??

Disclaimer: both my partner and I are from different countries so are now wondering whether this is an English thing? Have we been overfeeding our guests at our parties for years???

Maybe they don't have much cash? The cost of food can quickly add up.

Or maybe they are just completely wierd right fuckers. It would have cost a few £ to make pasta and sauce for everyone.

Yes and coffee (not bigger) feckin autocorrect

It was a 5 hour party and 3 hours in travel.

I think after 6.5 hours and a further 1.5 to go, asking for a drink is reasonable. Amd could never ever be ruder than fucking tap water and no food or drink.

Grr 'tea'

On a side note, do people really ask the hosts for a cup of tea when they visit? Why wouldn't you wait to see if you were asked (and if not, got one later)? I would never ask for anything in someone else's house except perhaps a glass of water

Yes I would ask for a cup of tea. But I can't think of any friends that wouldn't offer "tea, coffe, juice, water or wine"

It might be partly cultural differences if you aren't English .

Where I'm living (teaching overseas) none of my dd2 's classmates' families would dream of hosting a children's party without catering for parents - often bought in silver service with a separate party spread for the kids.

It's complete overkill really, but the culture is that once someone has crossed your threshold - no drop & run, parents always invited - it is hospitable & expected to feed them. Rude to let anyone leave your home without feeding them... stuffing them to the gunwales in fact.

In the UK I'd probably expect/provide a few crisps & carte blanche to Hoover up any leftovers from the kids' buffet tbh.

But 11-4 is a super long party anyway; obviously if you did that you'd factor in hungry parents, surely? Yanbu.

Glad that we are not the only one!

We went to an afternoon preschool birthday party (from 1-4 pm). Adults only had tea or cofee (which is fair enough) but the only food for the kids was the birthday cake at the end of the party.
One child asked if there were any "biscuits" but the bday mum just said , "No, darling"
Good thing I always have some snacks in my handbag to give to hand out.

A 5 hour party?

First part was in a park in the middle of November?

No food for the kids just water?

Completely bizarre

No YANBU but at 3 yrs old they maybe haven't had much practice yet at throwing birthday parties? I have just done DS party, 5 yrs old. I'm getting better at doing it each year. This time I left all the fruit at home, so no fruit on the buffet. Last year we did a sit down and eat part of the party, and ran out of fruit. This year we did it buffet style so kids could graze, but ran our of drinks. Will get better at it, and by the time I know how to do it well, he won't want be to come!!

Go easy on your friend, maybe they haven't been to many other kids parties either? I defo learn from other parties too.

I discovered a while ago that managing expectations is key. Last year, following a friend's example, I hosted a coffee morning with cake for DD's b'day - and told everyone what there would be.

This year for DD's b'day there will be party food - I was planning to have plenty, let the children have first dibs, and then invite adults to finish it off. This is for a 2 hour party where everyone is local.

I've seen parties at local parks in the summer, but the way I've been able to spot them is by the copious quantities of food - no idea what your hosts were thinking!

Homeshapedbox, my thoughts exactly!
I wouldn't visit again (if water is what they lay on for a party, what would they offer for a regular visit??).

YANBU. If a party is over lunch-time and the kids are small enough that parents are expected to stay (so under 7) then I would expect enough party food for the parents as well. I have been to a few where I didn't get even a sausage roll & was most
We tend to have a buffet & bouncy castle party at home - luckily both DD have summer birthdays. We always deliberately over-cater & have booze available too - just beer & wine. We find it means lots of the parents stay & therefore help with the child wrangling.

user1477282676 I really wish I'd never have to go again, but they are really close family (as in relation wise) and we're pushed into by other members of family who'd be livid if we said no to going (they also get treated the same way but don't seem bothered)

That's so strange and really quite rude on their behalf.

And to not even offer a cuppa? Odd!

We feed children and adults and serve adults wine/beer/whatever.

I think that if expected to endure a 5hr kids' party, wine would be mandatory.

Not sure what the anti-park sentiment is though. Do people only take their kids to the park in summer?

Of course its not a British thing.Its just an unsociable pair of arses thing.

Were you at my brother in laws house?

He's a tight bastard.

I wouldn't be anti park per se, but its the fact that it was a no cost option, people were asked to bring their own food and nothing was provided at the house as a combination for a party it's a bit .

So, in reality, they asked people to meet them in the park and then invited them back for a glass of water (children only), so I'm struggling to see where the element of "party" creeps into this scenario. Probably just the presents that other people brought...

...cos nothing says party more than a trip to the park and a glass of water...

and as for not being experienced in children's parties, surely they have experience of being human?

agree. Isnt the whole concept of 'party' = shared food?

People always bring up cultural differences..

I haven't experienced many but the ones I have I've never left hungry....in fact I've had food pretty much thrown at me from the second I got there...

Put it this way, you'd go round for half an hour to say hi, and leave three hours later stuffed full.of chicken rice and fifty kinds of potato

It was more the 'The park? the middle of November?' type sentiment I was querying.

Giles I agree, any time I've been to anyone's house from any culture, I've generally had to squeezed back out the door sideways :o