School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

Can you understand, though, zzzzz, that if schools have had that level of noise and disrespect shown to their pupils and their efforts in the play, and if parents won't keep the noise to a reasonable minimum, they are driven to imposing a ban.

I agree that it's not a good solution, zzzzz, but if the school have tried the other options, and parents simply won't keep their children's noise to an acceptable level, I don't see what else they can do.

What practical options would you suggest - faced with parents who let their little ones run riot and spoil things, despite being asked not to?

Who is more important - the children who have worked really hard on their performances, or the preschooler who wants to run around and shriek (and the parents who can't or won't deal with that)?

Is it fair that children are put off their performance or that they can't be heard because of excessive noise from preschoolers in the audience? I don't think so.

The last school play I went to was as a governor some years ago. The most annoying things then were the constant flashes from parents' phones as they took pictures.

The toddlers will have their own Nursery Nativity, zzzz. Your arguement that they'll be so scarred by the experience of being "ostracised" from their older sibling's school plays that they'll be overwhelmed when it's their turn in Reception is scraping the bottom of the barrel just a little, don't you think?
School is for school aged children. They're not obliged to teach pre school children anything. Not everything is a community wide event.
I'll bet you show up to parties with every single one of your kids too, despite the invitation being for just one of them...

What's changed is the new breed of parents who think it's their god given right to take their kids everywhere and other people should smile indulgently at their screaming and crying. they worship mathanxiety as their deity

zzzzz Mathanxiety is another MN user who thinks children should be able to go literally anywhere and nobody should ever complain about anything a child does.

I'm sure your children aren't at all annoying... to you.

But zzzzz, you must realise that not everyone is you and your children - some parents really do nothing to stop their children making a godawful noise.

I agree, I would hate for there to be a ban and I don't think it is ideal. But what are the school supposed to do when they already offer a massive creche from which parents can still see the performance? And when the noise is so bad that children who struggle are having to leave?

That's the sad thing - it is a really family friendly school, the church is really welcoming, a crèche is laid on - it just has hit a wall. I don't think they could do 2 shows - it takes quite a lot of preparation for some of the children to do one let alone 2!!

A 'family friendly' performance would be fine, as long as the parents kept the children fairly quiet - sadly some people would interpret 'family friendly' as 'anything goes' and would look on indulgently as their child climbed onto the stage, or hit the person in front of them repeat day on the head, or shrieked so much that some sensitive little performer couldn't do their part in the play, and got upset.

I doubt that Headteachers go for the Defcon1 option of an outright ban without having tried other options first - I suspect it is very much a final option, that they would really rather not have to choose.

It's my either 18th year of being a primary school mum. My children must be at a very different school. Never had any disruption to speak of!

Don't be ridiculous. Which bit do you find ridiculous?

Nobody has suggested they have dealt with "all our riots". All it takes is one baby to start screaming be another toddler to constantly whinge "I don't like it, I wanna go..mummy...mummy, I don't like it ...." and they then monopolise the quiet space... you know the quiet space that the children who have practised for weeks, deserve to have to perform. Can you really not see that as much as you adore your children and will tolerate just about anything from them other people really would like their children to be given some consideration during an event that is important to them? After all we all want fairness for our children don't we?

The goading, extrapolating and nastiness.

Primary schoolchildren who involved in a concert in my area do not use microphones. Hence their need for some quiet and respect. I would certainly not expect a toddler to sit quietly on a chair for an hour or more. Why does their parent(s)? Again, it isn't about the normal development of pre-school child. It's about the ineffectual parents who expect everyone to tolerate their little darling. It is these parents who have made it necessary to impose a blanket ban. If only they had it in them to take their child out if they can't display appropriate behaviour at an event that is important to many children