School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

Oh shit thank you for this post, I took my toddler to my Dd's play once and toddler was a bit noisy. I lovingly looked on as my child performed and my toddler was a little bugger and was none the wiser that it would irritate others. I'd seen the play 3 times (helped backstage) so duh... Of course I didn't mind the noise. Stupid me.

I am oblivious, not an arsehole on purpose.

I think the rule is probably a good thing, dumbasses like me need telling sometimes.

"Professional actors won't be distracted" . I dare you to go to a london theatre , leave you phone turned on and ask someone to call you in the middle of the performance. Quite a few professional actors will stop the play and "speak" to you !!!!!

Some of those children will have parents who - for whatever reason - don't have childcare. Does their performing child have to accept that their parents can't be there?

The parents need to make arrangements. I'm a single parent without any other family, so I made sure that I have several babysitters that I can when I can't take DS somewhere. There are times in life that children can't be present, and it's up to each parent to make arrangements in case of that situation occurring. Not just saying 'oh the rules don't apply to me'.

MidniteScribbler Hear, hear!

The parents need to make arrangements. I'm a single parent without any other family, so I made sure that I have several babysitters that I can when I can't take DS somewhere

And there are plenty of people with no support network or cash to throw at the problem. What then?

I think I must live in a different world or maybe I just haven't ever been disturbed by small siblings in any of the school plays or assemblies I've been to over the years. Surely there must have been some? Children on stage don't ever seem to have been affected either.

But maybe they were and I just don't notice. Is a while since DD was a toddler and I really can't remember what happened when DS was at school and she wasn't.

Not being able to take them to parents evening is odd I think.

I've never been disturbed in a play, either. There was one time that a baby cried loudly during a celebration assembly. It was mildly irritating. I'd happily take a moment of mild irritation and an inclusive school which welcomes all family members over the alternatives.

I would take my youngest out if they hollered out of coutousy. However parents describing it as "devistating" to miss their child's lines need to get a life. Devistating is loss of a relative, displacement by war or significant disablement - not that little tiffany's lines were overshadowed!
Trouble is its this sort of over reaction ygat drives these silly rules. It's bad where we live because the expectation is that there is a sahp and grandparents on tap, we both work full time so blanket inflexible rules are a real pain.

Some schools see pupils and their parents as something of an inconvenience to the smooth running of operations, quite frankly. Whether it's making parents perch on chairs designed for five-year-olds at parents' evenings, banning various family members, making families buy silly 1920s fancy dress clothes to send their children to school in so that the school looks 'distinctive', or assuming each parent only has one PFB and no other responsibilities at work or at home whatsoever, these schools are not ones I am normally happy to send my children to, on the grounds that they are up themselves.

While I am posting, the BoffinMum unflattering and stupid uniform of the week award goes to a prep school in Liverpool, IMVHO, for forcing families to buy something that heavily rationed 1940s evacuees might have worn in a clothing coupon crisis. The school emphasises tradition but was actually only founded in the 1970s, which means if it was faithful to its roots the kids should actually be wearing flares and home knitted jumpers.

OMAG

Runner up is a prep school in Cambridge, for gaudy 1920s boating blazers and silly ties for tinies, that represent a style disaster and cause many a snigger as crocodiles of their unfortunate children parade the eye-melting combo in public.

OMAG 2

They're private schools, Boffin? People actively choose them and pay for the privilege; nothing is foisted on them at all.

Were you seriously unaware that your toddler "being a little bugger" would irritate others at a school assembly, MooPoint? Nobody has that little self awareness, surely to God?

However parents describing it as "devistating" to miss their child's lines need to get a life. Devistating is loss of a relative, displacement by war or significant disablement - not that little tiffany's lines were overshadowed!
It is not 'devistating' (sic) to the parent.It is darned disrespectful to the little performers whse school it is- they are the ones who have a right to be there and be heard.You and your tot being there is a privilege! Taking your child out if it starts hollering is too late! He has already disrupted the performance. Don't bring the little beggar in the first place!

I think its a bit sad if you can't bring your child who is in the performances siblings to see them. Its all part of watching a school play. I agree that toddlers shouldn't be let into a professional or an am dram performance, unless its for that age group, but in a school play! Maybe schools could allocate seating at the back of the room for parents with toddlers and babies who can easily nip out if they start to make a lot of noise, that might help?
I will say a lot of my kids school plays which I went to see, I couldn't actually see due to the seating being all on the same level

I will say a lot of my kids school plays which I went to see, I couldn't actually see due to the seating being all on the same level

Well, the hall floor tends to work better for PE if it's flat.

toddlers shouldn't be let into a professional or an am dram performance, unless its for that age group, but in a school play

Adult/professional actors are able to focus in the face of minor distractions and to project their voices - infant school children generally can't.

Erm, I know that hecantbeserious

a7 I understand, but the audience aren't and they are the ones paying, which was the badly made point I was trying to make.

One scene that springs to mind is in the Steve Martin film Parenthood where their small child goes to the defence of a sibling. Im not saying its a good thing, but it was very funny, and it created a warm feeling of family love (yes, I know, its a film, its meant to create these feelings)

Probably, in addition to leave any young children at home, parents should state their height on the ticket booking form, and members of the PTA will arrange seating by height. The shortest relatives will sit on mats on the floor, the next group on tiny children's chairs, the next group on adult chairs, then bar stools, and the tallest members of the audience will stand on benches at the back.

Any audience member who coughs, sneezes, fidgets, cries, blows their nose, drops their programme, uses a mobile device, waves to their child, makes any noise whatsoever which can be heard by the headteacher or communicates either verbally or by gesture with another member will face a fixed fee fine and a lifetime ban from all school productions.

Children don't know whether they have been heard or not
No, but they know if they can't hear their cue

It is crazy - at the village primary where I am a governor all are welcome. What do they expect you to do with the babies and toddlers?

broomstick

Well that was an eye-opener! I read the full thread expecting most people to sa that OP was right and it was an unfair rule. I cannot believe the sheer number of people on here who are so selfish that they don't think other children should attend their siblings events.

I have never, ever felt that someone's child has ruined a performance - so what if there's a little bit of noise? At least they are there, and their child feels supported and loved. Both myself and my husband work full-time which means that there are a lot of in-school events that we have to miss, much to our children's disappointment (although they understand). We do work for a family friendly employer though and do our best to attend their class assembly and sports day every year (Xmas show is in an evening as well as afternoon so no issue there). If though, our school had said no children at all (or only children allowed at the afternoon performance) it would have potentially meant we would have to miss one of the few things we are actually able to attend in a year. Now I have always tried to make arrangements for the younger boys when they weren't school age (to my parents surprise - in there say it was expected siblings would go along and if they made a noise so be it) but a couple of times I could not get anything sorted. Funnily enough, we had no problems with noise because carefully timed snacks (quiet ones) or a little colouring book worked perfectly well. I had no issue whatsoever with getting them out of there if they even started making a disturbance. A carefully worded threat works wonders though too!!

ALL of our kids are important. A lot of the arguments on here against kids being allowed say that they are thinking of the kids on stage but they're not when you read what they say - it's all about yourself. You are the sort of people I always wonder why the hell you even had kids if you feel this way about them! Children make noise. Shock horror. But they can also be very good & well-behaved too. It's the whole "children should be seen and not heard attitude. I think it's horrid and isn't teaching our children to be tolerant of others. It's also not teaching our children to be respectful of others. You will just end up with the next generation being the same - not wanting to experience the joy of having young children around.

Sorry if this isn't making much sense - I'm running a fever that's making me unable to concentrate properly!

Oh and on the filming front - I try to film my kids events. I have an elderly grandma in a care home that can't get out anymore and has to miss these otherwise, me filming them means that she doesn't miss out. However I always stand against the wall at the side, or go to the back. I check around me to make sure that I'm not obstructing anyone and then ask those anywhere near me to make sure everyone can still see. People may be filming for any number of reasons (maybe even for their friend who can't come due to having no childcare....) so don't be so bloody judgey all the time! I don't think there's a problem as long as it's not shared on social media (except possibly to a private group just for parents of that class and then only with the parents and schools permission) and people don't block others view when filming .

BroomstickofLove and zzzzzz - you're posts made great reading. Well said both of you!

I don't see what is wrong with allowing pre-schoolers and their parents to attend the dress rehearsal but not the actual performances.Everyone's a winner!