To find "busy" people irritating?

[Spacereindeer]

I understand that modern life is very busy, with many parents (and those without children!) having a huge amount to juggle, but a lot of people seem to get a buzz from telling people how booked up and busy they are. People are almost embarrassed to admit that they are available when trying to organise a night out.

Is it just me who thinks this or do some people really have a social engagement every night?

Well, I guess I am one of those irritating people - I need to schedule everyone and everything in. I work 12-14 hour days, travel for work and have a special needs child who is struggling. Life is spent doing work, arranging and attending doctors' appointments and dealing with school. I sleep 5 hours per night and finding time to meet a friend or do something socially is a luxury.
I do not bother talking about it to anyone though, no time for that really

I will say on here how busy I am. In RL if friends ask me if I can make it for a meal or drinks and the date doesn't work I go back with when I am available.

It also isn't a stealth boast to be busy between now and NYE. I went back to work FT in September and its been a non-stop hell-ride of being unavailable because of personal, work, family and friend commitments. My next weekend of being available is April 2017. During the week, I don't have a night off until December 27th. Some might think that is fortunate, others not. Personally sometimes I struggle to manage friendships because I am just not available enough. It is better now that I prebook nights out months in advance and they go into my work calendar.

What drives me up the wall is DH who goes on and on about being busy. He isn't busy per se. He has a lot of things to accomplish and needs to organize himself to get it done.

Merinda I am the same. DS has autism and is in a special needs unit at school. I am dealing with the various therapists, the insurance company, the committees I need to get involved in to ensure he gets the right funding for the resources he needs etc.

However, don't underestimate how important it is to look after yourself. I do a pilates call each week and meet with friends 4-6 times a month. I am trying to incorporate running daily into my schedule. Right now I can't face running at 4:30am!

Want2bSupermom - Yes, yes! Ironically, I also do a once a week Pilates class, and also meet with friends (perhaps not that often). Running is not an option (bad back), but walking is part of the routine as well.
I suspect that our kind of "busy" is really hard to understand. It is almost impossible to explain to someone how much effort it took to get EHCP organised, and that daily battles with school take an extraordinary amount of time. And my DS, who sometimes responds only to me, and needs me 24/7 will always be priority, unfortunately

Merida I am so fortunate that we live in New Jersey, USA in a town that makes funding available for SEN. They can't do enough. They call me asking for a meeting because they see DS going into a development phase and want to ensure a smooth transition as this new developmental phase means a change in behaviour chart, routine and expectations. Just this next week I have four appointments with school, 50 hours of work, 3 evenings with friends, colleagues/client, a charity event and an information session I want to attend on raising autistic siblings.

If anyone asks how I am, I usually just say 'yeah ok, just busy I suppose.' Only because I just go to work, come home and look after the kids, sleep, and then go back to work to do long hours again. Nothing else interesting to report, so I don't know what else to say. It baffles me that people see this as a boast or trying to make themselves look important. If anything I feel like it illustrates how badly I cope with organising my life. I'm self employed and have two SEN kids, with neurological problems myself, and I find it hard to cope. I don't actually like being busy, it makes me very depressed. So yeah, all I have to say, is that it makes you sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder, and I'm a bit shocked at how certain people process fairly innocuous fucking adjective.

Funny how the thread about people who like to talk about how busy they are... has turned into a thread of people talking about busy they are..
Are the vast majority of us not all busy in one way or another?
Whether working full time, part time or sahm. Having tried every combination of those three..I have been no less busy with either one..just busy in different ways.
And I also understand the added pressure of having a child with medical needs too. But I never talk about it unless I am specifically asked. I like to give people the time and courtesy of day, and not some well rehearsed mantra on how busy I am.

Well, none of us appear to be too busy for a random bunfight on MN .

I tell people I'm busy to get out of having to socialise with colleagues. It is more polite than saying that I would rather stick pins in my eyes than spend a moment of my own time with them.

I am one of your loathed busy people. Not stealth boast. I'm sure if you ask socially 'how are you?" You dont need or really want to know all about the situation with my house, my relationship, my kids, my schedule..it's complex. So I reply "oh, you know..busy". I then take my next social queue from you. If you ask "so how's your job going?" I respond in detail. If you dont follow on I respond with " so what are you up to next week then?" It is a polite consideration, not intended to be irritating.

A guy at work has a list that's will add your question/task to, and then tells you how long the list is. In the time taken to do that he could have just answered the question!

Oh yes. This really annoys me. I don't work (because of health issues) and have only one child who is now at school. Therefore I do have lots of time to organise social events, remember birthdays, reply to texts. It really annoys me when I get people telling me how busy they are because they have two small children and a career. I haven't been able to have another child and I wouldn't have been able to work due to health issues. Moaning about how hard your life is due to what you have is totally lacking in empathy. They should bear in mind people who's life is hard because of what they don't have. Anyway, rant over.

I think you are right OP. Unfortunately I am one of those that say there are busy all the time.
The truth is that I used to be a lot busier, but since I developed mental health issues the thought of socialising makes me sick in my stomach. I can do on a day off, but I have my Mon to Fri routine and I cant face meeting others.
I suffer from terrible anxiety and yes I am on therapy before people jump in.
I know it is not right to lie but I dont want to tell others or people I dont know that well about it so I say I am busy. Sorry

I used to work at a place where, if anyone asked anyone how they were, they would reply "REALLY Busy!!!" while nodding and making their eyes all big and wide. It had sort of become the "required" answer. People weren't all that busy, it was just the culture in that office.

God, that was annoying.

Saying you're busy, is just really neutral small talk. I think if anyone sees it as anything else, they're just projecting their own shit onto the situation. People have enough stuff to be anxious about without having to worry about making really inoffensive comments about being busy in response to someone asking how they are and what they've been doing. If you're busy wtf are you supposed to say? Lie and say that you're lying around in your own shite all day just so people dont snark behind your back? People see so called 'stealth boasting' in places where it doesn't even exist, and that just smacks of bitter insecurity to me. Please enlighten us as to what the appropriate concise response is to be being asked how work is, so we can be the perfect f**king human being.

I've realised that people who are genuinely super busy usually don't have time to go around telling everyone how busy they are.

Hahaha, I know exactly what you mean OP. Even worse is 'I'm sorry I can't make it because I double booked'. I mean how do people find so many things to get invited to anyway? but then I'd rather be on the sofa reading Mumsnet then socialising in RL.

Maybe that's the case with some people P00p..but I think while there is the type who are genuinely busy and respond as such in a neutral inoffensive way, there is also the other irritating type who like to bleat their busyness from the rooftops day after endless bloomin day.
That's what annoys me, there is no transferred s* in that annoyance.
I ask a friend how are they..and time after time I am reminded how busy busy they are...and then they're gone. No time for reciprocal conversation, they are just too busy. It's all about them and how busy they are. That's not busy..that's just rude. What is it with the world if we can't give someone the time of day for a simple exchange of pleasantry...no matter how busy we are.

Totally get this! I enjoy having things to do but it's so stressful when you're so 'busy' you can't fit family/friends into your time.

At the moment I'm on mat leave with my 3rd & since September, I have only been home with the youngest. Which is obviously time consuming but a lot easier than the summer holidays. I do have friends who were on mat leave at the same time as me and are now back at work & seem to rub it in my face that they are extremely busy, whereas I can find the time to remember birthdays, go to play groups etc. I just don't see why the superiority?! I LOVE being off work but financially (& tbh for my MH) I will need to go back to work. I'm enjoying having free time while I can. What the hell is wrong with being available?! I love it

Well firstly, when you are an employee or a business owner, you're expected to pull your weight, do the job to the best of your ability in some cases that means getting through your day with no time to eat lunch because of client/boss expectations. Having to answer emails through the night and on your days off because 'I'm the customer, and if you are a good worker/businessperson, you should be grateful for my custom, and it only takes a little time.'

Then you have your kids, and the relentless feeling that you might not be spending enough quality time with them/oh shit I haven't ironed the uniforms/are their packed lunches good enough? /oh shit I forgot I have another school meeting/senco meeting/speech therapist meeting/ oh fuck all of their friends have about 50 after school activities scheduled and I don't, am I harming their social prospects? Am I a terrible parent? Bollocks, I forgot to go to the supermarket, better just pick up a McD's on the way home - 'what you feed your kids that shit? My kids eat organic from-scratch visual fucking masterpieces from Pinterest every day in between horse riding and tutoring, what are you doing with your time?'

Get to the front door and your garden is like something from Jurassic Park, and you know the neighbours are tutting in disapproval, because they are retired and out scrubbing their monoblocking with zoflora every p*ssing day. 'I mean really, what effort does it take to run the mower over a couple of times a week, pure laziness.'

And then being obese is apparently not setting a good example for your kids, and puts a strain on the NHS, so shouldn't you really take a little time every day to exercise y'know? And being overweight won't help your relationship with your partner, because you're already not spending the time you should with them to nurture the relationship, so hell mend you when your relationship fails, because it'll be all your fault, because you haven't put enough time into it. And isn't your carpet looking a bit grubby, how many times a day do you Hoover? Next you'll be telling me don't boil wash and line dry your bedsheets and towels every day, I mean really, how much time would that take out of your day?

And did you forget to wish your friend good luck on starting her new job? You selfish cow, when was the last time you made time to have a spot of lunch with your mates? Wow you must be so self absorbed, to not be able to spare a little time somewhere. What, you're busy? Well aren't we all sweetheart, but we don't go around whining about it....here have some Prozac and just get on with it, you narcissist.....

Busy, busy, busy is a bit like crying wolf. The danger is that sort of "busy" won't be taken seriously and nobody is going to plan around it.

I am really busy in September. Deadlines, new students, lectures and exams all pile up. So if you ask me in September I may well say I am busy, can we schedule it for next month.

But people who use "busy" as a stock answer just look not busy or not coping. Nobody is equally busy through the week or year. What are people like that saying a month before they submit their PhD or on grant deadline day?

none of us appear to be too busy for a random bunfight on MN

well, quite. If I have time to come on here and comment, I am not busy.

People see so called 'stealth boasting' in places where it doesn't even exist, and that just smacks of bitter insecurity to me

You are probably right. "I'm busy" = "I'm so loved and wanted and have so many amazing friends and am out every night and the kids have amazing social lives too and and we therefore certainly haven't got time to spend with pitiful friendless specimens like you and your kids".

Also irritating are those people who say "I'm too busy to..." in response to something. Eg "Do you watch Only Connect?" "Oh, no," (small trill) "I'm far to busy to watch television." Or, "Have you read x?" "Oh, no," (smug smile) "I don't have time to read books, I'm so busy." Slap down! What a loser I am for having time to veg out in front of the tv or - goodness gracious - read a book.

The thing is, people are only busy (for the most part) on what they want to spend time on. People seem to have oodles of time to stab at their phones, brag on FB, beautify themselves etc etc - but admitting that you watch a lot of telly or read is seen as rather shameful. I wonder who on earth watches all that Netflix? Hmmmph? Clearly not busy people...

Oh I so agree Rhoda! I used to work with a lady who was always far too busy to watch television as she was always off at her latest Mandarin or Russian Art History class - it made me think that most of us do have some sort of leisure time but that we just spend it in different ways. There is a definite snobbery towards watching tv for sure.