To find "busy" people irritating?

[Spacereindeer]

I understand that modern life is very busy, with many parents (and those without children!) having a huge amount to juggle, but a lot of people seem to get a buzz from telling people how booked up and busy they are. People are almost embarrassed to admit that they are available when trying to organise a night out.

Is it just me who thinks this or do some people really have a social engagement every night?

Hmmm, not sure everyone is thinking along the same line as I am.

There's those that have a full schedule or a lot on their plate, and there are those that make a job out of being 'busy' (either by making much of little or ineffectively doing things). It's the latter group that tend to be the 'im sooooo busy' bemoaning sort.

I had that this was what the thread was about finding the not-actually-busy-I'm-so-busy people annoying - rather than finding someone who has a lot to do annoying because they need to organise a time to meet you!!

Agree Foxes, I didn't think this was about genuinely busy people who don't have enough hours in the day.

Someone upthread was complaining about people being all booked up so they can't meet for a coffee without 3 weeks' notice.

If we assume that they are booked up with "real things" (not just imaginary busyness) then are you expecting them to say no to some things and leave space, just in case you invite them for coffee?

I feel very strongly about keeping to agreements I've made, so if I've said I will meet someone at a time then I won't drop them to go for coffee with you, even if I would secretly prefer to go for coffee with you.

And I won't say no to that person on the offchance that you'll suggest coffee, because you might not.

So what are you expecting your friend to do, other than "have fewer offers"?

They could suggest coffee to you, but if they do it will be in 3 weeks, and that apparently makes you angry.

Do you want them to hold a space open, but not mention it to you until it's "this week"? What then if you can't make it?

FoxesOnSocks Mon Hmmm, not sure everyone is thinking along the same line as I am.

There's those that have a full schedule or a lot on their plate, and there are those that make a job out of being 'busy'

What's that saying about if you want something doing, ask a busy person? I guess all the people who are so busy saying they are busy would be so busy saying it, they wouldn't have time to do the thing!

Nope, I was referring to someone who specifically said something about not being able to meet for a coffee without 3 weeks' notice.

It can be a general point though. If you are a person who likes to do things spontaneously, and you are friends with someone who has a very full diary, how do you compromise?

Or can those two kinds of people never be friends?

As for the kinds of people who whingeabout being busy, and are incapable of doing more than one thing in a day - are you sure you want to be friends with them anyway? They sound annoying. If you do manage to arrange to meet them they'll probably just go on about how busy they are.

It's the people who make themselves busy by constantly going to visit friends for weekends or insisting on going to out of the way shops to buy things and then moan that they're 'so busy'. Well just do less stuff. That's what I do because I hate being busy so I'm not.

"Christmas is so busy though. Not all glam stuff. By the time you've done one works' dinner and two class mums' drinks and the school carol concert and the show you booked way in September because you thought it would be fun to see something in the run up to Christmas (WHY?) five nights in a row, you get desperate for some quiet time, even if it's actually closer friends who are inviting."

Not for me. One work meal out, and I'm done. OH is self employed so has no work do and we live too far away from both families to see them. As DD has loads of mocks and exams and for various complicated reasons we can't actually stay with either family there will just be the three of us over the festive period.

DD is at 6th form so no school related activities at all.

I think what's annoying is not when someone is genuinely busy. It's when they are quite rude about it. Another poster gave an example of someone who always needs plans to be changed to accommodate her and then cancels on the day due to busy-ness. I think it is that sort of rudeness that people object to.

I say I'm busy a lot because I cba to be sociable.

Oh yeah!
Trying to organise a weekend away for next year - everyone apart from me already has numerous engagements and I doubt we'll ever find as date to suit everyone.

peachesandcream I have the offshore DH type too. I have part-time work commitments and part-time MA study commitments.

It's not that having OH's working this way makes us busier, but it does make life more frazzled and unpredictable. I can't keep track of DH's on/offs in my head, even though they are so regular I can probably work out if he'll be around Christmas 2021 so I need to be vague to every plan until I check if he is available to watch the kids and wait for his phone call to check that he hasn't made plans.

At the moment - due to two financial commitments, the looming assignment for my Masters, my daughters birthday party organisation and a yearly commitment to a hobby - I am cancelling everything else this month and halfway into December.

Technically i should be writing my assignment now while DH takes DDs to their hobby. Ciao for now. I'm too busy to MN

Shotsfired I think you are being quite mean there. I think the poster who works full time with two children and her DH working away on an oil rig is definitely above average busy. I know it's not a competition but that would be really stressful busy rather than just trying to cram in a few coffee dates before Christmas type busy.

Same for the single parent with the child with additional needs, very stressful I would imagine and bloody relentless. I would have absolute understanding for someone in that situation saying that they were too busy/knackered/stressed and didn't have time to meet up.

Really busy people never say they are in my experience.

I have a couple of friends who have a very good disposable income and they spend almost all of it on concert tickets and weekends away. It can lead to me not seeing them for months at a time. We used to try and wait to schedule stuff when they could make it (would recommend Doodle Calendars as a way to do that with groups of gebuintely busy people)"but now I have accepted they will rarely be able to make it, or to commit in case they would rather do something else. The rest of us just organise stuff and they pop along if they can make it, and we try and have the odd more informal "cuppa and cake" catch up. It can be hard not to take it personally, and i could not live like that, with no unstructured, unscheduled time but I value the friendships and truly believe a lot ofIt is just due to fundamental differences in our schedules, priorities and personal circumstances.

I'm really busy I guess, but I believe you can always find the time if you want to. I'm better at spontaneity than long forward planning though. I find the busier I am the more I get done! I seem to get an extra level of focus and can fly through things, whereas when I have time things take ages.
Plus I've learned to priortise. The washing/cleaning/meeting/report really can wait. Seeing friends is important to me, so they get seen even if it means a late night bit of cleaning.
I never say I'm busy. I do say I'm tired sometimes!

trills you seem to have picked 1 bit out of my post. I did say we have to arrange a coffee 3 weeks in advance. I also said we will arrange something, I remind her nearer the time, she forgets and has already booked something else in. Or I'll end up getting bumped for something else. It annoys me that I get squeezed between 2 things or we try to make arrangements that never happen because she is busy but if we do make firm plans, 50% it doesn't happen because something else will come up and I'll get bumped. It isn't purely the fact that it takes weeks to arrange a cup of coffee. In the 6 week holiday she couldn't give 1 day that we could all take our DCs out, and when she finally did it was the 1 weekend I'd already said I couldn't do.

So yes, I find the whole busy thing irritating.

It's not being busy that people are taking issue with.

It's a) banging on incessantly about being busy, and b) using that busyness, real or imagined, as an excuse to be obnoxious.

Yesterday 23:52 HopeClearwater

When did having a family dog count as 'busyness?' I don't remember anyone mentioning their dogs when recounting their busyness before the last couple of years or so.
People chose to have dogs, they enjoyed walks with them, fed them, patted them and took to vet's as needed... now the dog is just another thing on the list of things to Be Busy About. confused

This! When we adopted a dog earlier this year, the general reaction was "As if you aren't busy enough with 4 dcs." This genuinely confused me as dogs aren't particularly hard work IMO.

I agree that it seems to be a badge of honour. I am pretty much always free and then somehow the week fills up with appointments and i often end up being busy against all expectations.

I can see what you mean, some people genuinely have busy lives. I am always sympathetic in this situation.

On the other hand 2 people we know do make being busy into a bit of an art form.

One rushes about trying to do 2 things at a time, and not doing either properly and having to re-do. They make everything urgent rushing around, constantly rushing and cajoling everyone to hurry, getting involved in all the children's activities, volunteering for this and that. Then every so often their mental health suffers. I wish they would do less and enjoy the moment.

The second person always has so much to do and is so busy. But they make one little job take forever. Such as holiday packing, they pack and unpack over three weeks before departure. Cooking a simple stirfry can take a good hour & a half of faffing. Frustrating to watch, & if you ask they won't have sat down all day.

*It's not being busy that people are taking issue with.

It's a) banging on incessantly about being busy, and b) using that busyness, real or imagined, as an excuse to be obnoxious.*

Exactly this. People are busy, fine. Lots of people are. It's the people who go on about being busy like it's a badge of honour, or who think they're superior to everyone else because they're just so busy who are fucking annoying.

I had a job recently where I wasn't busy and was actually bored. Now it's different and I am busy, genuinely - so often it's the workload not the person or how they're dealing with it.

It's kind of an irritating word in its own right, though. It's also put Hairdresser On Fire into my head for the whole day...

I am busy, full-time working mum with 2 under 6. I once told my SIL that I was too busy one week to Skype, and she said " sorry you are so busy" with such contempt. She has no children and plays golf 3 times a week and has a cleaner too that even dies her ironing. It enraged me no end. Even if I have down time, I would rather watch mind numbing TV to relax than get dressed and go for a coffee. It's not personal but part of loving yourself and sometimes saying no. Everyone knows their limits.