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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find "busy" people irritating?

228 replies

Spacereindeer · 13/11/2016 21:24

I understand that modern life is very busy, with many parents (and those without children!) having a huge amount to juggle, but a lot of people seem to get a buzz from telling people how booked up and busy they are. People are almost embarrassed to admit that they are available when trying to organise a night out.

Is it just me who thinks this or do some people really have a social engagement every night?

OP posts:
GreatPointIAgreeWithYouTotally · 15/11/2016 08:10

I'm guilty of being busy this time of year. Although I won't say 'sorry I'm busy' more like 'I'm away/have got guests/concert that night'.

We live at a distance from extended family.

As it gets near Christmas we want to see family who aren't with us at Christmas so we either travel to visit them or they visit us.

To make the journey worthwhile that involves staying two nights, Friday/Saturday. So either way we are 'busy' for all those weekends approaching Christmas I.e. can't go to other social stuff as are away or have guests. Packing or preparing for guests would take up Thursday night (I also do sport that night after work) so Thursday is 'busy'.

I have work night out/dh work night out/sport night out/ School carol concert/other town concert/weekend concert (musical dcs) friends night out.

Plus the usual background stuff of job, running large household, dog, sport, dcs activities.

We also have a party for friends.

Not moaning, I enjoy it all, but I do feel quite busy.

QueenMortificado · 15/11/2016 09:04

Snape is there backstory to you two not getting on? I Skype my niece and nephews each week despite being single and having a cleaner etc (!) and would be really hurt if I couldn't talk to them because my SIL was too busy to set up the call

HmmmmBop · 15/11/2016 10:07

Did I read that right?

That you're single and have a cleaner and would be hurt if your sister was too busy to facilitate a Skype call?

QueenMortificado · 15/11/2016 10:12

I think the being single and having a cleaner is irrelevant actually

But yes, i love my niece and nephews and would be hurt if my sister held it against me that I was single and had a cleaner! And that I couldn't speak to them

MauiWest · 15/11/2016 16:15

I think the being single and having a cleaner is irrelevant actually

I agree, life doesn't revolve around your mop. I was much "busier" before I had kids frankly. (and I had a cleaner too).

HmmmmBop · 15/11/2016 17:28

It was you who said that you were single and had a cleaner rather than anyone else wasn't it? Why would she hold it against you?

Equally, you'd be hurt that you couldn't speak to them rather than thinking 'they must have had a busy week, they could do with some quiet time. I'll leave them to it and speak to them next week'? Confused

QueenMortificado · 15/11/2016 17:37

No Hmmm it was Shape upthread - that's why I asked her if there was back story and bolded her name out. She raised the being single / has a cleaner issue.

millymaid · 15/11/2016 17:48

YANBU, it's sooooo annoying. People act like there's some kind of prize for being the busiest. Or like it's the highest moral virtue.

mumto2two · 15/11/2016 17:48

Totally on board with this one! One of my top ten bugbears. Competitive busyness seems to be a must have badge these days. My days are often so busy I barely find time to sit, but I don't feel the need to burden people with that moan. One friend always greets me in the same way..cant stop I'm so busy busy busy...doesn't ask how you are..doesn't make conversation than to tell me how busy she is. And yes I find it irritating. Even when I've had the most horrendous of weeks with child in and out of hospital etc..I am met with the same busy busy greeting. Whereas I will take the time and courtesy to ask and listen..they just seemed wrapped up in their 'busyness'! Sadly seems there's a lot of people that way.

SooBee61 · 15/11/2016 17:54

I have a friend who has been retired since April (and only worked sporadically before that) but always says how busy she is. She's the type who would set aside a morning to close her Facebook account, which I'd have thought could be done in moments. I've never understood this cult of 'busyness' - on rare occasions I am busy I just get on with it rather than discussing it.

mumto2two · 15/11/2016 18:04

And then there's the friend who literally lists every single thing she has done that day in detail on the chat group...Just to say how busy she is..took the kids to club..took them home from club..cooked dinner..blah blah
As if the rest of us are letting our kids get to and fro all by themselves
All makes me want to sigh with boredom...

e1y1 · 15/11/2016 18:11

YANBU - they make my teeth itch.

"I'm so busy, I've got work/kids/shopping etc. Soooo stressful and can't fit it in".

I feel like saying, so you're living your life like us all? We all have things to do, but they act like they're the only ones doing it.

e1y1 · 15/11/2016 18:12

I've never understood this cult of 'busyness' - on rare occasions I am busy I just get on with it rather than discussing it

This ^ is exactly it. If you have time to moan how busy you are, then you're not that busy.

PurpleMinionMummy · 15/11/2016 18:32

It's the people who are soooo busy had a lay in they are late who enrage me. Or the ones who need to 'schedule you in' I'm not a client Hmm or the ones who don't know if they can make it until the last minute because they're sooooo busy don't want to commit but don't want to miss out so piss you around instead

caitlinohara · 15/11/2016 19:01

I am guilty of pretending to be busy to avoid doing stuff I don't want to do. Maybe that's it. For years I did shed loads of PTA crap because everyone knew I was a SAHM so obvs I had the time Hmm. I actually have more time on my hands now that I work part time and the kids are at school, but I cultivate an air of busyness so that people feel bad to ask me to run a stall/make a cake/sell raffle tickets. What the heck, I've done my time. Oh - and no one on here can be THAT busy if they can find the time for Mumsnet AIBU threads.

HmmmmBop · 15/11/2016 19:11

I think that was about her rather than you wasn't it? Unless I'm missing something Confused

QueenMortificado · 15/11/2016 19:18

Obviously it wasn't about me. But when she said that her SIL plays golf, is single and has a cleaner my question was basically why would that make a difference? As a single person with a cleaner I'd be hurt if i couldn't Skype my nieces - is that because the SIL with a cleaner couldn't possibly understand true busyness? Etc etc

bunnyfuller · 15/11/2016 19:50

I'm busy....busy hibernating and not doing silly 'stuff' because I love my sofa and b d more than other people

bunnyfuller · 15/11/2016 19:53

I remember now...when I was on FB...a sahm mummy to 2 full time school kids who listed household chores as her FB status, ending with 'I need to clone myself'. Fuck me, luckily I've got some house elves who do mine while I'm out at work.

Armi · 15/11/2016 20:00

I have a 'busy' friend and an awful lot of it is because she considers herself to be the only person capable of doing anything properly, so teenaged kids do no household chores, husband does no shuttling kids about, chores, cooking or food shopping. Friend works FT in a position of responsibility yet can`t delegate anything and can't stop herself interfering in everything that doesn't concern her.

It gets irritating.

HmmmmBop · 15/11/2016 20:17

Oh, OK.

I think the number of people on here who take someone else's 'busyness' as a reflection of how their relationship is viewed is surprising. I would never assume that someone else's schedule was a reflection on their feelings towards me (in the absence of any other sign), and if my sister was so busy that she couldn't call as often as usual my main thought would be 'hope she's OK' rather than 'poor me'.

AllotmentyPlenty · 15/11/2016 20:36

I have said "please plan a date and I will see if I can come" to a couple of friends this year. I have guests coming to stay plus have a few practise sleepovers for my niece, ahead of her baby sister arriving, so need to be home for her. But my friends are planning lovely, lovely nights out e.g. to the theatre to something I really want to see with them.

I don't want to make them plan around me, as they may miss out altogether, but if the rest of them pick a day I can go, I would love to go. Is that so very wrong?

QueenMortificado · 15/11/2016 20:43

Maybe if she was judging you for playing golf, being single and having a cleaner then you would feel differently

Tamesa · 15/11/2016 20:43

I would never admit to being "busy" it's pathetic and I wouldn't want to seem so unable to manage. People in my area (including me) don't know what busy-ness is. Fake busy people are just Pah I have had enough of them (one ) this week. Bloody arrogant and assume that it's ok to tell me (yes actually tell me as in instruct) to pick up the commitments that they have volunteered for! Then tell me that I am finding it difficult to cope because I wouldn't do it .... I had already said I may be painting my nails, which is as good a reason to be faux busy as any to my mind.
We are talking PTA here... How on earth can anyone be so bloody self important in their very "busy-ness" to think that they can tell another parent what to do. Exceptionally irritated on this one.

hoddtastic · 15/11/2016 21:03

i am with hmmmbop on this one. I have loads of friends that don't all know each other- if i say I am busy it's cos I am. Not because I hate you, or am pretending to be important when reality is I am sat at home watching telly? What level of barking do you need to be at to think that people are constructing stuff to appear better / avoid seeing you?

and if they're avoiding seeing you, do the decent thing and bin them off, madness lies the way of chasing someone you used to see who clearly doesn't want to see you any more surely?

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