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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find "busy" people irritating?

228 replies

Spacereindeer · 13/11/2016 21:24

I understand that modern life is very busy, with many parents (and those without children!) having a huge amount to juggle, but a lot of people seem to get a buzz from telling people how booked up and busy they are. People are almost embarrassed to admit that they are available when trying to organise a night out.

Is it just me who thinks this or do some people really have a social engagement every night?

OP posts:
Funnyoldworld · 14/11/2016 11:26

The80'sweregreat interesting point hearing it from both sides of the fence. Yes probably best to let it go, I really try and most friends don't judge just the one and I am really fond of her so tricky!

BigGrannyPants · 14/11/2016 11:47

I often think that they are not busy and would just rather spend their time doing something other than spending it with me. That's fine, I have learned over the years just to let go of these people. If they can't make time for you, then they are not really your friend, and your energy is wasted on them. People who care about you will always make time, no matter how busy they are.

Poppiesway · 14/11/2016 11:49

I get moaned at by a friend for being so busy, so much so said friend of over 20 years has cut contact with me Ignoring messages and Unfriended me on FB lol.

I work full time doing 6 days a week (over 50 hours). Full time in NHS and 3 Sundays a month privately. im a single parent with no financial help from the ex dp so I need to work to pay for everything (left with a lot of debt from ex)
I am also a scout leader which I love but does also take up time (my dc are involved with scouts too so is time with them also). So that's two evenings a week gone. I also work till 7:30pm twice a week. So I have one evening a week at home. I'm loathe to give that evening up away from my dc.
Saturday's are catch-up with housework shopping etc, dc swimming lessons and general family time.

Yes I'm busy but it won't be forever.

bumpetybumpbumpbump · 14/11/2016 11:54

Everyone is busy.

Sometimes busy doing nothing.

What's wrong with that? It means they are doing something other than seeing you. Maybe that's the root of why you're bothered.

paxillin · 14/11/2016 11:57

I used to work with a competitively busy brag, we were all doing the exact same job for the same hours. "I am sooo busy. I don't know how I will do it all." One day another colleague said "Oh dear, is your day shorter than ours? That must be hard."

BraveDancing · 14/11/2016 12:01

Ummmm…I seem to be booked up most of the time, unless I work quite hard to keep nights clear. Not sure why – I guess that with a combination of DH, hobbies, friends, kids etc time gets eaten up. My sisters are the same, so I think I thought that was normal – I recently emailed DSis1 and got told she wasn’t free until January.

I don’t think I’m being narcissistic about it. I just can’t exactly magic time out of nowhere if someone asks me to do something and I’ve promised someone else. I do always reply to texts and emails though.

Redpony1 · 14/11/2016 12:02

I'm busy but very organised. My busy isn't in a social sense though, but it does prevent doing social stuff on a week day evening.

Work full time
Have 3 horses on DIY livery who i see to before work, and after, where i also ride as well as the associated chores. Monday & Weds eves i also run with a running club after i have done the horses.

Weekends i am just as busy catching up with stuff that i've not had time for in the week. Saturdays I run Parkrun at 9am , then on to horses. Sunday mornings is shopping time with DP. I only have Sat/Sun eves to do social stuff but normally too tired!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/11/2016 12:16

Just read OP so far.

YANBU. It iritates the shit out of me. I find some people have to have something booked in to every available time slot they have and are incapable of just keeping some free time so something like meeting for a coffee either doesn't have to be rushed or planned 3 weeks in advance.

I had a friend who was always so busy. She would book whole weekends up a month in advance, it drove her DH mad. She would always go on about how busy she was and how she had been too busy to spare 30 seconds to reply to a text. It's quite annoying is is almost like saying you are just another person to fit in their busy schedule.

I now have another friend like this but it's even harder to meet up with her. We either plan something, then I remind her and she looks at me blankly, she will have forgotten and invariably booked something else in. Or she'll book me in then cancel, or sbenwill double book and i'll be binned off, a better offer will come up and she'll change me, or we will actually meet and I'll have to go shopping with her after our quick coffee or she'll only come over for 45 minutes because she is meeting someone else after. In the 6 week holiday we planned to do an activity for out DCs. We couldn't find a time in 6 weeks that she could do. She eventually chose the 1 weekend I had already told her I was on holiday and the 1 weekend out of the whole 6 weeks that I couldn't do. I really like her but it feels like a very part time friendship.

peachesandcreamdream · 14/11/2016 12:34

I work full time and my husband is offshore and we have two kids....I am busy all the time!!

Bumpsadaisie · 14/11/2016 12:36

Ah, I see someone has already linked the Oliver Burkemen R4 programmes. They are great.

I now actively stop myself from saying "Oh, you know, busy busy!" when someone asks me how things are.

But I am blimmin busy but I don't need to tell everyone about it and up the general societal busyness ante!

CazY777 · 14/11/2016 12:41

I used to work with someone who would book herself in to do a presentation, and then a few days before would say she was far too busy to prepare for it and could I go 'in her place'. She did this loads of times, to the extent that she even expected me to do one when I'd planned to be off, and was very miffed when I insisted I couldn't do. She had plenty of time to have long chats with everyone in the office, while I spent my time getting on with my work. Very glad I don't work there anymore, gloriously unbusy now looking after my 2 year old.

ShotsFired · 14/11/2016 12:41

peachesandcreamdream I work full time and my husband is offshore and we have two kids....I am busy all the time!!

This is exactly my point (and I don't mean to pick on you especially, just read your post last out of all the similar ones).

You are just "average busy" for an adult working woman with relationship and domestic commitments. It's not some extraordinary, cruel and unusual level of busy. So really, you are just the same as the rest of us - normal. It's a bit like saying you are super brown-eyed compared to other brown-eyed people.

MsGameandWatch · 14/11/2016 12:42

I'm so busy I could honestly cry with it most days - single parent, children with additional needs. I am definitely above averagely busy.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2016 12:43

You are just "average busy" for an adult working woman with relationship and domestic commitments.

And a partner who is often not there. Thus not necessarily "just the same as the rest of us'

overthehillandroundthemountain · 14/11/2016 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 14/11/2016 12:44

Competitive Busyness or non-busyness is really tedious.

Seriously, who cares and what does it matter?

SoupDragon · 14/11/2016 12:45

If someone tells me they're busy. I assume they are busy and just move on.

It's far better

Me2017 · 14/11/2016 12:46

It's probably more likely they don't want to see you. My ideal week involves meeting no one. Sadly it never happens, day in day out things are going on. It never seems to cease. Hopefully it will when the children leave home.

I don't drink coffee and my ideal time is spent in silence alone so the thought of meeting someone for a coffee when I have about 010 things I'd rather do first before that is just how I am. So I might say too busy or may be next year when the children leave or something like that but the bottom line is that I am lucky enough to like my own company.

HmmmmBop · 14/11/2016 12:46

Or perhaps Harry, your friendship is really important to her and she is trying to maintain that amongst hundreds of other things, hence the rushed visits or the catching up whilst shopping.

Why assume the worst?

FockerFun · 14/11/2016 12:46

Yanbu I hate this. My sil does it all the time (even though shes retired)
Im going to pop in but only for 5 minutes as im sooooo busy as if I should be grateful for her 5 minutes. I literally coukdnt give a shit if she popped in or not.

She also assumes im very busy oh you must be so busy ill only have a/quick cup of tea' Confused no. I time manage well so I can have a lengthy cup of tea

SoupDragon · 14/11/2016 12:49

I time manage well

Ah, so busy people are only busy because their time management skills aren't as good as yours.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/11/2016 12:50

Ha yes I know what you mean.

I am more than happy to wait til all people are available however of you are going to flake out of replying to messages or being awkward with regards to when you are actually free...please remember these things...

  1. That you have actually told people you are busy. Posting pictures of your bacon sandwich whilst "checking in to home" or the fact you are watching a film just drops you in it.
  1. No good telling someone you were to busy to reply when your WhatsApp and messenger has you active til the early hours of the morning and we can see when you get/read said message.

If you don't want to go just bloody say I'm not holding a gun to your head

catlover97 · 14/11/2016 13:07

My sister presented me with a load of Xmas bubble bath the other day because she's "too busy" to have baths Confused I've no wish to be competitive - we both have full time jobs and DH's...one of us has a child...it's kind of a martyr thing with her though - she wouldn't want to be caught doing something relaxing
Equally Christmas is not something to look forward to or enjoy - it's all so busy and stressful (no one in either our family or her DH's family aside from her makes it stressful - I don't know how she manages it).

CruCru · 14/11/2016 14:02

Gosh yes, I know about this. I have a friend I don't really see any more who is a bit like this. The last time I met her, I'd really put myself out to see her and when she turned up she announced that she could only stay an hour because she was just so, so busy.

I think I put a thread on AIBU at the time and got told that I was massively unreasonable, I should be grateful that this very busy person met up in the first place. Humph.

SeaEagleFeather · 14/11/2016 14:39

ah okay 5moreminutes. I see what you mean about that post :)

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