Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no visitors at hospital when I have my baby?

105 replies

teabags · 13/02/2007 13:09

My view is I will have 2 days to be by myself with my new baby in the hospital before I go home. I already have a DS. In laws presume they will visit me in hospital. DH says it is normal for family to want to do that, I guess he has a point.
(I hated having visitors last time)

OP posts:
dejags · 13/02/2007 13:36

I was discharged very quickly after both deliveries.

I did have a few visitors after DS2 and was delighted to show him off.

I don't like visitors at home after the birth so I don't know what I'll do this time round.

I am thinking that we'll just keep schtumm for a few days after. Less pressure that way.

Tommy · 13/02/2007 13:37

IME, it's pretty difficult to keep those grandparents away!

Hopefully this time, when I'm in my own bed, they won't all feel so comfortable about coming into my bedroom so they might stay away a bit longer.

robbosmum · 13/02/2007 13:37

no not unreasonable at all, be brave,, the couple of days in hospital are for you and your dh and ds to get to know your new addition,,and for you to re-cooperate, I am so sick of the belief that all and sundry can come and see you in hospital (childbirth or illness) who wants germs,over new baby, etc and well meaning visitors when you are bloody knackered and all to pot,,,just waiting for visitng time to end so you can get some rest..be brave, you can schedule visits when you feeling tip top at home
f course if you like visitors go for it,,just dont be bullied into doing something for everyone else

fruitful · 13/02/2007 15:45

I was really shocked by the number of people who turned up to visit when I was in with dd. Especially the way none of them phoned to ask if they could come (relatives and friends had my hospital number and my dh's mobile) - or even phoned to say they were coming. I hated the way I seemed to have no choice.

At home, if they were rude enough to turn up on the doorstep without phoning first, I'd have the option of not inviting them in. In hospital, they'd be settling down next to my bed before I'd said hello. And I'd be in my pjs with my tits out. It was intrusive.

sunnysideup · 13/02/2007 16:40

Yes I have to say I think hospital should be a private time unless you want it otherwise and let other people know this.

I had a great aunt of DH's turn up and two friends (not particularly close ones) when I had ds, and I had a traumatic birth and a crash cs under general so I was not at my best shall we say! Making small talk and being polite to people was exhausting for me during those few days in hospital and I think they should have stayed away unless invited!

I think stick to your view teabags. Let the nurses know and they can politely tell people you're asleep or not up to it or something.

VoodooWizbit · 13/02/2007 16:41

I had no visitors except dh. no way would I have let even close family be there, taking up my time with dd and wasting my energy!

hk78 · 13/02/2007 23:38

i felt really manky when in hospital in my nightie, had one shower the day after cs then not another one for days as couldn't face it, plus leaky boobs etc, so felt really self-conscious when IL's visited, so i stayed in the bed with the sheet pulled up to my neck or on the chair with the pillow in front of me. not having visitors would have been less stressful, but i don't see how you could get away with it though, it's not like at home where you can pretend to be out!!

HeartMarsLady · 13/02/2007 23:51

Nothing wrong with saying no!

bananaloaf · 13/02/2007 23:51

with ds1 had visitors as i was in 4 days and going mad. ds2 was born at night and out at lunchtime so no time for visitors. second time there was no way i was staying, being an older mother the other girls in the ward were young enough to be my daughters!Also only one bf and didnt enjoy all their visitors watching.

Quootiepie · 13/02/2007 23:59

I didn't want anyone there, I was mortified when my mum just turned up, winding me up. Next time I will definatly make it more clear! My mum will wind me up, and the whole of DHs side will just stink the place out

nearlyfourbob · 14/02/2007 00:02

As they (PIL) wanted to see baby and I presumed not me I told dh to take them and ds to day room for a short visit. I got a half hour nap - they got to see ds. A winner all round.

Unfortunately that was only after the previous day when they showed up at 8pm, when I was actually ready for bed.

8andahalfweeksandcounting · 14/02/2007 00:04

I have gone the other way and they have to visit in hospital but not when get back home with dh and boys. also - what really grates me is that when I get home after being away and dh having the boys and my parents/PIL having stayed - nothing will be in its right place or done how I like it! How anal is that?!!!! I know I will have to come in and spend 30 minutes sorting everything out or it will just bug me completely!

What I do object to is visitors wanting to see the baby awake or trying to wake the baby up when they come and visit as my MIL did last time - kept kicking the bed I was sat on/he was asleep on gggggrrrrrrr

And why oh why does my mother buy the cheapest skankiest garage flowers she can find and always without fail points out that the sticker says they should last 7 days ffs! What does she think I'm going to do - take them back?

And why do I have to smile at the camera ffs? I've just had a baby ffs - in pain - hormonal and skin is shite.

oooh that was a good rant - feel much better now!

unknownrebelbang · 14/02/2007 00:39

Your baby, your choice, without a doubt.

Must be honest though, I would have been most upset at not seeing both my parents and PIL both at the hospital and at home. (and my bro/sil come to that...my brother and myself have a bit of a love-hate relationship, but I can still see the joy on his face as he held my baby for the first time).

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 14/02/2007 01:49

Hmm, I don't agree with the "if you want your mum/parents there, then you have to accept DH will want his" line at all.

DH hasn't just spent months on end waddling about like a giant egg on legs with backache, nausea, exhaustion, mortal fear, leg cramps, heartburn and all the other peculiarities of pregnancy. He hasn't spent hours in agonising pain. He hasn't been ripped up and sewn back up again, his genitals haven't been turned into ground beef and he isn't having his nipples friction-burned off by a ravenous fretful screaming baby.

So if he and his mother want their way, they can bloody wait

nappyaddict · 14/02/2007 01:50

no not at all. my friend refused to have people see her til a week after!

nearlyfourbob · 14/02/2007 06:56

Dh was really proud of ds and wanted to show him off, much better in the hospital day room than spending hours in the house and drinking all the milk up.

eidsvold · 14/02/2007 07:04

rather them at the hospital than when I am at home. Can be long day in hospital with a little one - having said that - I stayed 5 days with each and so that makes it hard when you would rather be at home.

At least in hospital - they won't be expecting you to cut the cake and make the tea and coffee as a couple of my visitors did - I had only been out of hospital for three days post c-section - newborn and 2yo with sn!!! Would have preferred those ones to see me in hospital.

eidsvold · 14/02/2007 07:05

unfortunately both times and no3 coming up - only one side of the family has been able to visit anyway - when we lived in the UK - dh's family, now we are in Aus - my family.

lazyline · 14/02/2007 08:00

Whilst you are NOT being unreasonable, I would be inclined to let them visit at the hospital as I would think that this would decrease the chances of a visit too soon at home when I would have to play host. At least in the hospital they have to play by someone elses rules.

8andahalfweeksandcounting · 14/02/2007 19:41

Yes and there are strict visiting times!

nearlyfourbob · 14/02/2007 21:01

And the beauty of visiting times if they are late, then they only get 5 minutes. if they are late coming to your house they would just stay longer to make up for it and bugger up your day.

Hulababy · 14/02/2007 21:12

I was desperate for visitors. I hated being in hospital and found the whole aspect of that horrid. Loved my visitors as it helped pass the time, and gave me 10 minutes for a shower, etc.

plipp · 14/02/2007 21:15

You do what you want! When I had my first, I was in a state, couldn't get BF right; I didn't want to see anyone other than DH. He went off to a wedding on day 3, and my neighbours took that as a chance to come over, despte being told that I wasn't wanting visitors. I've never forgiven them!!! - I was lying in the ward with my tits out, trying to get soem sleep, when they turned up, nightmare! You decide what you want, and STICK TO IT!

yomellamoHelly · 14/02/2007 21:25

You're bouyed up by adrenaline for a couple of days after the birth, so I'd say let them come. Then ban them. Once your milk comes in and the sleepless nights start you'll need the peace.

MKG · 14/02/2007 21:51

Go with how you feel then. Have your dh call people after the birth and say when or if they can come. I was very lonely in the hospital and wished more people came, most thought that keeping a distance was best, while I was dying for visitors. When I got home I was alone with the baby from day 1 and was constantly calling people begging them to come over.
I love that one of my best friends came over with pizza during that first week and just talked with me like I was a normal person and not a new mother.