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AIBU?

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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
DollopofTrollop · 13/11/2016 20:11

We always take iPad out. They use before and after food but not with dinner .... That's a lie DS7 is severely disabled and doesn't eat so watches his throughout !!!
Ds9 had ADHD and ASD so yep he uses his too. Dd5 happy colouring.

Leave your judge pants behind unless you know the family dynamics !

Some people .... You got to eat your dinner without screaming !!!! No indigestion or stress. .. Lovely for a meal out !!

MissDuke · 13/11/2016 20:11

Personally I don't allow screens at the table. If I had been in that woman's position I would have said similar though less harsh, usually I say 'remember, different families have different rules, in our family screens are not allowed at meal times'.

allegretto · 13/11/2016 20:11

It's annoying because it DOES disturb others even with low volume. She probably wanted to get her own son to eat rather than watch Peppa Pig. I would have felt the same but not said that!

littleducks · 13/11/2016 20:13

And if you could hear her comment over the background noise are you sure they couldn't hear Peppa Pig?

I did recently have lunch (with my own todder in Pizza Express so nothat that fancy ) where the child had Peppa Pig on a phone with no headphones and it made me feel really stressed.

LittlePaintBox · 13/11/2016 20:14

No YANBU, you did what you thought was reasonable compromise so you could eat.

I wouldn't worry about what some random woman said, if those are the rules in her house that's fine for her. I don't approve of kids being brought up to be so judgy, but that's up to her as well. A simple 'no' would have sufficed!

treaclesoda · 13/11/2016 20:14

See, I find the idea of playing games at the table or playing peepo much more bad mannered than a child sitting quietly playing on an iPad.

Shellym13 · 13/11/2016 20:14

We had a family meal for me passing out and me and hubbie paid. My niece and nephew had massive over the ear earphones and their ipads on from the minute they arrived. Ate a slice of pizza and some chips each so they could get back to it . My mum was pretty unhappy but I explained that's what it's like now. We are ttc so I don't know how I will react but when we were wee we just sat and behaved, there was no ipads or tablets. I won't judge my sil but I thought it was pretty poor on their side too. They are 10 and 8!

Original poster
Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:15

...yeah because her comment was a good bit louder than Peppa Pig Hmm

OP posts:
user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:15

Love the fact that some judgypants posters think it's as easy as "oh we don't take ours out when they're tired/grouchy etc"

Doesn't life ever get in the way of your perfect parenting? Aren't you ever stuck in traffic on a long drive so end up eating out late at your destination just to get food? Does family life not sometimes mean that you're stuck in a Brewers Fayre (or something else spelled with a twee "y") at nap time with a squawking toddler when you'd intended to be home an hour ago?

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 13/11/2016 20:15

Not a comment on OPs situation but we went to a busy family restaurant today, 18 tables with children on, each had a personal device and about 50% of adults had a phone out. I would say we observed it to be the expectation and not just a last ditch offer. There was almost no chatter in such a busy place and we felt a tad loud as we were talking and making jokes etc (no shouting or squeaking but animated at times). So we may have been the annoying ones and not those on iPads...

mathanxiety · 13/11/2016 20:16

It wasn't a problem to use an iPad imo. If I had had one back when my DCs were small I would have too. This is a very small element in the overall life of your child and your family. There is no such thing as a single make or break element to bringing up children. Your child had a wonderful, busy, active day, and you made sure she had a nice meal at the end of it. You are good parents; do not apologise to anyone for fishing out the iPad.

In the restaurant you were doing your best to be considerate. You were not unreasonable, your decision was a sound one, and the woman you encountered should be ashamed of her rudeness. It is no business of hers at all what you use in order to get to eat a meal that you have paid for after your busy day taking great care of your child.

Flowers
Huldra · 13/11/2016 20:16

She was OTT if she knew you heard or not. What's wrong with teaching a child that yes, sometimes they will see other children doing things that they're not allowed to do. That's life.

"Darling Tallulhah, no you can't use a tablet. Why? Because we are all having a conversation. Yes, thats right Tallulha that child is allowed to. Now concentrate on our table and stop being rude staring at that family."

There is no need to give a critical explanation just because others are doing things differently. Personally I want Tallulah to have lesrnt some tolerance when she is all grown up.

bumsexatthebingo · 13/11/2016 20:16

Well I agree with her but she was bu to be making comments about someone else loud enough for them to hear and slightly hypocritical since she was talking about bad manners.
Incidentally it's nothing t do with manners that I don't allow screens to be used to keep kids quiet. It's more that before Ipads/smart phones kids would amuse themselves, chat, look around them etc and I think kids are losing the ability to entertain themselves and a lot of older kids and adults are unable to have a few minutes without entertainment.

Potatoooooo · 13/11/2016 20:16

Honestly some of the people on here saying it's bad manners.
We only get one life, are you really going to spend it berating yours and anybody else's child for having gadgets at the table?

It winds me up these sanctimonious mums who think everything should be done perfectly and proper, fuck off.
If I want to give my child an iPad at the dinner table, I will and fuck anybody who thinks differently.

People can make their own choices what they would like their children to have, that lady was a massive mob to you OP, she could have simply told her son, we don't watch gadgets at the table but she decided to add in the "and that mother shouldn't be doing it with her daughter" nobody gets to dictate what others should do, just because they do it differently.

Smartleatherbag · 13/11/2016 20:17

OP, you did parenting right. Nothing to worry about. Different families have different rules, fine. The woman sounds rude, though probably accidental.

Original poster
Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:17

Thank you mathanxiety 😩

OP posts:
Oddbins · 13/11/2016 20:17

I've never done and and never will
It's passive rather than active and I genuinely believe that's not great for mental development.

If a child is tired after a long day and following a meal then the last thing they need is stimulation.

We've taken a pushchair with us in similar circumstances and put our children in and they've generally fallen asleep.

I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't think that giving a toddler an iPad was a great idea and playing cartoons with the sound on would distract other children.

baconandeggies · 13/11/2016 20:18

and anyway, you can do what you like on your own table as long as is doesn't disturb others..

littleducks · 13/11/2016 20:18

Ok then, if you are sure. I just wondered how her son knew what you were watching to be interested and as you said you thought maybe she didn't think you heard the comment that she wasn't speaking that loud. But sounds like it wasn't how I pictured from your description

dementedma · 13/11/2016 20:18

Am so glad mine grew up before babies had iPads!

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 13/11/2016 20:18

User... nope, we are more of a happy meal in the back of an ancient estate class ;)

MGFM · 13/11/2016 20:18

We do this all the time! We have an 18 month old and once he has finished his food he will. It sit still. He just wants to get out of high chair and run around and explore. I see other toddlers of a similar age sitting nicely and wishing my son will do the same. Before we discovered post man pat we would order quick, eat quick, get the bill whilst eating so that we could get out of the restaurant before he started having a melt down. Now, we all eat together and for the last bit of the meal when we are still eating he gets post man pat on one of our phones. I don't care if I am judged. My son will literally only sit still as long as it takes him to eat. We would never be able to eat out otherwise.

baconandeggies · 13/11/2016 20:18

*it

user1477282676 · 13/11/2016 20:19

Potato being aggressive about your choices just makes you seem defensive. There's no issue with what you do as a parent to anyone else...of course nobody can dictate.

But those who don't think it wise have the right to say so as much as they like.

treaclesoda · 13/11/2016 20:19

Actually I used to be the parent who was a bit horrified at seeing children at the dinner table unable to sit still and wait patiently. My first child just behaved as you would hope a child would - sat quietly, didn't get down from the seat, people would remark on the impeccable behaviour and how nice it was to see.

Then I had a second child. Who has never had any interest in colouring in, drawing, doing word puzzles, reading quietly, chatting to us or any of the things that well brought up children are meant to enjoy. We rarely eat out with him because of that, but sometimes we are out, it gets late, and we are hungry. If it takes an iPad for us to get ten minutes peace to gulp down some food and for him not to disturb everyone else, that's fine by me.