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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:20

Who are these toddlers who fall asleep in a busy restaurant in a sling or a buggy?? DD would have created merry hell if I'd tried either of those. She doesn't want to be tied down. She wanted to run free. She's far too bloody nosy to fall asleep in a busy place.

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 13/11/2016 20:21

We didn't have iPads when mine this age . Took quiet toys and colouring books or had to distract them ourselves.

She was rude and can see limited iPad use could be a help. But is abit sad to see kids plugged in as a matter of course.

allegretto · 13/11/2016 20:21

I explained that's what it's like now

Well, it's not though is it? I sympathise with the OP but if you have an 8 and 10 year old who refuse to take their headphones off and participate in a family meal, then yes I would judge your parenting "skills"!

UmmAandY · 13/11/2016 20:21

No you were not being unreasonable, enjoy your holiday

LookMoreCloselier · 13/11/2016 20:21

When my eldest was a toddler we didn't have ipads, I used to bring a bag of tricks - little cars, crayons and paper, books, raisins, sticker book. Now my youngest is a toddler and I will give him an iphone/ipad as a last resort, on occasions when I am not armed with the bag full of stuff that I still normally take with me for the toddler. But tbh there isn't much difference between a colouring book or an ipad (providing it is not loud) at the table as both means they are not engaging with the people around them, although the ipad will keep their attention longer! I would never let my kids get down and roam/run around in a restaurant so need to occupy them some way, whatever works I say!

Chrismino · 13/11/2016 20:22

I wish I thought of this today, my 2 year old was having an almighty paddi in a restaurant today, screaming throwing himself round, I ended up fighting him in his pushchair and leaving my dh and dd there whilst taking him out, which he had already thrown his shoes and coat off so I must have looked the worst mother walking round in cold trying to get him to calm down, after about 10 mins he calmed down we went back in and he sat nice eating his dinner. Def will be putting I pad in the bag for next time! By the way he had colouring pens already.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:22

What's wrong with babies having ipads?

I mean, presumably they're not yet able to google "dwarf porn"....

AskBasil · 13/11/2016 20:22

What an incredibly ill-bred woman, making remarks about someone else's parenting. You weren't being rude, she was.

I agree with those who say there is no difference between giving a kid an iPad (so long as the pictures and volume aren't irritating to other diners) and giving them a colouring book. It's just snobbery that says there's a difference, either it's bad mannered to do anything at the table apart from eat and chat, or it's not.

With the very important caveat that your table entertainment should not disturb other people of course and I guess you'd need to check that moving illuminated pictures weren't going to be in someone else's eyeline.

allegretto · 13/11/2016 20:22

For those who are asking what the difference is - no child has ever been tempted away from their own dinner by catching a glimpse of a colouring book across the room. An ipad with the sound turned off and half hidden under the table, on the other hand, can be spotted by a toddler at 50 metres away!

GabsAlot · 13/11/2016 20:23

its not her busniess she should have been quieter when telling her child

i dont mind what people do but can i ask what did people do before ipads/tablets

PterodactylToenails · 13/11/2016 20:24

I went to a restaurant recently and they gave my children and others in the restaurant iPads to use while we were waiting! I thought it was great! Who cares what other people think? Sometimes needs must.

allegretto · 13/11/2016 20:24

Also children who are colouring are not as shut off to the world as a child with headphones on looking at a screen - they are usually still interacting a bit.

oblada · 13/11/2016 20:24

We don't have an ipad and I definitely wouldn't give my phone to my two to play with during a meal (actually it would never have occurred to me!). I too find the screens at the table rude but again different families different rules, I may well have said something similar to my kids but more along the lines of 'we don't allow it' rather than 'no one should allow it'. I do think kids are spending far too much time behind a screen nowadays but that's a different story. Oh and I abhorr Peppa Pig so would definitely not want to hear this during my meal! :)

Nicpem1982 · 13/11/2016 20:24

My 2 year old doesn't have a sling or buggy she's refused a sling since she could walk at 11 months and a buggy 8 months after that!

And there is no way she would fall asleep in a busy restaurant 😂 What child does that?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/11/2016 20:24

I don't see what her problem is. 2 year olds generally aren't the most reasonable people, and don't get that other people are still eating so they need to wait politely for everyone to finish. If that's what you needed to do to stop her carrying on while you finished your meal then that's no one else's business.

Katy07 · 13/11/2016 20:24

How did children survive before electronic devices to play on in restaurants? Oh yes, I remember, we sat quietly and behaved Hmm I seem to recall we didn't run around in restaurants either because we weren't allowed to. Don't you love progress....

Randytortoise · 13/11/2016 20:25

What's the difference between reading books and colouring and reading stories on ipad and using a painting app? Genuine question not being goady. I let dc read stories on ipad if we're out and we've exhausted all conversation etc when waiting (what seems like hours for food) and I'm just wondering if that's frowned on too?

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:25

what did people do before ipads/tablets?

Mostly the kids got bored and fought, the parents hissed increasingly desperate and outlandish warnings about the kids getting a belt in the car on the way home, and by the time the food arrived everyone was heartily regretting ever attempting to leave the house...

Original poster
Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:26

She was colouring. But because she is not yet two, and has the attention span of a daddy long legs, she was fed up with it and was launching the crayons to the floor in rage.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 13/11/2016 20:26

The children who are distracted by someone else's iPad are presumably those for whom it's a novelty? Mine would barely notice another child using a tablet.

Italiangreyhound · 13/11/2016 20:27

Your child your choice, but generally while eating we would expect our kids not to watch tv or use devices at all, unless it was a treat and tea was in the living room.

Basically it is a very hard habit to break, like going to bed with the TV on, and if kids used to this as normal when they are teens and you only see them at meal times you may wish you had left peppa until later.

Someone said the other woman was a massive dick! I don't think a woman is a dick for having an opinion and sharing it with her child! I don't think she knew she would be overheard.

timeisnotaline · 13/11/2016 20:28

She was being rude given you could hear. I would never judge another person's parenting like that. However I don't let mine use iPads / phones very often at all, including restaurants. The difference between colouring books and books and then screens is neural engagement,devices forge brain pathways differently and I'd rather avoid that. This isn't 'outdated science' as some seem to think. I do let them use the iPad on long flights because every rule needs exceptions!

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:28

What kind of conversation are you going to get out of a two year old?

Serious question, I'd really like the non ipad brigade to answer it.

My two year old would have given you three minutes on Fireman Sam, most of which wouldn't make any sense. What do you do with the other hour and 27 minutes??

Natsku · 13/11/2016 20:29

It's more that before Ipads/smart phones kids would amuse themselves, chat, look around them etc and I think kids are losing the ability to entertain themselves and a lot of older kids and adults are unable to have a few minutes without entertainment

This is why I try to avoid using them when out and about with DD except as a last resort (like waiting room at the doctor's when she's too ill to play). Its perfectly understandable to use an tablet to keep a toddler happy while you finish your meal but it risks setting a precedent that they then get used to and lose the ability to entertain themselves.

vvviola · 13/11/2016 20:29

ow did children survive before electronic devices to play on in restaurants? Oh yes, I remember, we sat quietly and behaved hmm I seem to recall we didn't run around in restaurants either because we weren't allowed to. Don't you love progress....

I'm pretty sure that on least one occasion I was removed from the table and put to sit in the car in the car park while the rest of the family finished their meal. (And I was a pretty well-behaved child).

And we didn't eat out half as much as we do with our family now, so I'm guessing we were a lot older before we started going out for meals.