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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:

VeryPunny · 13/11/2016 19:58

I don't allow stuff at the table, and if my children (3 and 1) ask, I say because it's bad manners. Wouldn't cross my mind to answer differently in public TBH.

If one of them is getting fractious, one of us will get up and take them out. No, we don't go out much but have never had a problem entertaining the children when eating out.

CrowyMcCrowFace · 13/11/2016 19:58

I think it's fine, & don't see that it's materially different from colouring in or reading.

I'd agree headphones should be in your bag in case you're somewhere where the noise is distracting.

I take my kids out all the time to venues where other parents allow behaviour which I wouldn't - so I've taught my kids 'It doesn't matter what that little girl/boy is allowed to do, you know my rule is that no, you can't get down from the table/have more than one fizzy drink/drop food on the floor/hide under the table/interrupt unnecessarily when adults are chatting'.

If I need to remind them, I'd never be such a dick as to do so in a way audible to the family with different rules.

It's basic isn't it - not everyone is going to parent exactly as you would, but unless it's directly impinging on your own meal you wind your neck in & teach your children to do likewise!

HanYOLO · 13/11/2016 19:58

I think it's poor form to use tech like that in a restaurant. If I'm out for dinner I don't check my phone etc. If she's that close to a meltdown she needs to go to bed or to the room and chill out. It was also impacting on other people, sufficiently that a child from another family wanted to go and watch too. So YABU . I would not, however, commented on your parenting - that was really quite rude.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 13/11/2016 19:58

Not judging you or the other mother - she was just trying to reinforce her rules with her own family, but I'm snorting at the comment
"I think at age 2, there's not much else than an iPad that will shut them up". Well, as they've only been around since 2010 that's clearly nonsense.

When mine were little we found other ways, which mostly involved one of:
a. never going out to eat with a 2 year old (I cried the day my first child refused to get into the highchair in a restaurant!)
b. taking it in turns to eat cold food while we ran around with toddler or
c. carrying round a large bag of things that only come out in these situations.
An iPad is obviously a much easier option and means parents have warm food.

You should use headphones in public though. However noisy it appears to be, it's far more noticeable to other people, and especially enticing to other kids, making their parents' lives a bit harder.

We had good kids' headphones for our kids but it's a while ago so I can't recommend any now.

Original poster

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:59

keepsmiling no one seems able to answer the question of why it's different. I just don't get it.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2016 20:01

KeepSmiling83

Quite.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:02

Poor form is entirely in the eye of the beholder.

I don;t care if someone randomly thinks ipad at the table is Poor Form (what is this, the 1930s?)

However in my house Poor Form is passing loud and rude comment on other peoples' private lives.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/11/2016 20:02

Because it isn't different.

In terms of manners, it's no better or worse than books, colouring books or playing games at the table.

HugoBear · 13/11/2016 20:03

But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that".

That sounds quite matter-of-fact to me. I wouldn't class it as rude.

OP - I think you know you'd rather not do this, too. There but for the grace of God etc.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:04

What if they're colouring on a ipad? Does it suddenly become Infra Dig because it's a screen?

How about reading a book on a kindle?

What about doing a phonics programme?

The idea that the kid with the ipad is having its brain rotted while the one eating crayons is engaging in meaningful activity is utter pish.

pklme · 13/11/2016 20:04

I would not have been bothered by what you did, in that environment. I may have said what the neighbouring mum did, just to reinforce my families rules and make sure my iPad never got demanded by a sticky fingered toddler!! I wouldn't have I tend you to hear.

I had my children pre iPads, and we kept them busy at the table by playing games, singing rhymes, patacake, peepo etc.

KeepSmiling83 · 13/11/2016 20:04

I honestly don't understand the difference!

Original poster

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:05

OP posts:

pklme · 13/11/2016 20:06

We travelled a lot with DS at this age, so we're in restaurants a lot. I had a sling which I used to strap him to me so he could doze and snuggle while I had both hands free to eat.

CaesiumTime · 13/11/2016 20:06

She's working on her Sanctimommy certificate - loudly explaining to your own DC that another parent is "doing it wrong" is worth at least 10 Sanctimommy points. Bless her I hope she felt better for it.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:07

pklme I'm fascinated to hear how that worked with a two year old?! Please do tell!

ladyvimes · 13/11/2016 20:07

Who cares what other people do? Of course you weren't in the wrong and she was very rude.

Original poster

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:07

DD would go fucking apeshit if I stuck her in a sling.

OP posts:

MerylPeril · 13/11/2016 20:07

Wow I think with a 2 year old I did anything to be able to eat my own meal in peace!

She was being a cow. A long day and sitting with lots of adults who probably aren't rushing their meal - of course you find anyway to occupy them, making them sit and wait when they have eaten already is probably torture for them

DD now is 7 and likes siting and chatting to everyone - I wish we'd had iPads when she was 2 though! She kept running around a restaurant once because she had eaten and everyone was being really slow (boozing) and I hardly got my dinner chasing after her

StarryIllusion · 13/11/2016 20:07

A book doesn't make noise. If I had to listen to fucking peppa pig in a restaurant I'd have the right rage. I don't think she was unreasonable for saying it is bad manners. It is bad manners, as is a book. The only problem I would have with you doing it is not using headphones and making others listen to it, otherwise it is up to you what you let her do but if my kids asked why they couldn't then I would tell them it is bad manners.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:07

we kept them busy at the table by playing games, singing rhymes, patacake, peepo etc

I think I'd rather stay at home.

Quiero · 13/11/2016 20:08

FFS. People get hung up about the funniest things. Why anyone is passing judgement on what anyone else does is beyond me.

No of course YANBU. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid OP. Why people think children don't have the ability to tell the difference between different situations is beyond me. Just because you do this once or twice doesn't mean they'll have to do it at every meal time .

If, as parents, you want to make your own life harder just to ensure your 2 year old has perfect adult table manners then by all means crack on. Don't let The fact that it'll make fuck all difference when they're older get in the way of ruining your meal.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 13/11/2016 20:08

Sorry I really hate it! I wouldn't say it for anyone else to hear, but maybe she wasn't aware you did?

We do though sit at the table every evening to be fair, and are lucky our jobs allow us to so it's easier to expect the same when out.

I guess also I'd never take an over tired child of that age out either, take away, sitter or rest before dinner would be a preference. I'd find it too stressful to enjoy

baconandeggies · 13/11/2016 20:10

YWNBU. She's so wee and it was 10 minutes. Rude lady was rude.

Nicpem1982 · 13/11/2016 20:10

In practice we're a no iPads at the dinner table family and my dd (2) has limited screen time -

HOWEVER in a busy hotel where my dd had grown impatient with colouring and didn't want to sit with me or my dh I don't know what I'd do other than crack out the iPad and watch "that condescending pig 🐷 "

I would never judge another parent for their choices and inwardly id be thrilled and eternally greatful that my dinner wasn't being interrupted by a toddler in melt down mode :)

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