Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

I think you were unreasonable to have the sound on. If I'm out for a meal I don't want to listen to Peppa pig, it would be really really annoying.

I'm not sure either why reading a book at the table is perfectly acceptable but watching something quiet on an iPad isn't except for a kind of snobbery backed up by now outdated science

I would have done the same in that situation, OP - she's out of her normal environment and much more likely to be fractious, it doesn't mean she's going to expect a screen at every meal. The other mother was rude; she should be able to say 'no' to her son without loudly criticising another parent.

I used to look at families who let their young kids use ipads/tablets/phones at the table and inwardly think

"What lazy parents"

Now I realise that sometimes it's the only thing that can divert a full blown meltdown in public and while we don't allow TV at the dinner table we always have the ipads with us when we go out to dinner. Just in case it's needed.

Ignore the other mother OP and be thankful that you don't have to work so hard at being the perfect mother who feels she can make snide rude remarks about complete strangers.

I don't think it's a big deal for a two year old, but my nieces, age 6 & 9 have their iPads the minute we sit down in a restaurant.

If they're asked to switch them off they have a major strop. Last weekend we were away for two days, the 6 year old threw herself on the floor when her mum took the iPad when the food came.

A lot of people were looking at us and I was very uncomfortable with it all. At 6 & 9 they should both be able to sit, eat and behave without an iPad.

I don't allow it for my 9 year old and she just accepts it.

We have a just over 2 year old and usually take books, toys, colouring book and/or stickers, but always have the iPad as a last resort to keep him occupied after he finishes eating. Always would have it on with low or no volume and always as a last option. I don't see a problem with it myself. If you're not affecting someone else's experience in the restaurant, then each to their own.

She was really very rude.
I consider it worse to criticise another adult's decisions to a child than bring out an emergency peppa pig for ten minutes. Even if she thought you couldn't hear her it's a terrible thing to say 'that adult shouldn't be parenting like that'.

I would judge you but I wouldn't have said anything so you could have heard.

She will learn how to sit at a table as she gets older and able to deal with tiredness etc. For now she is barely a toddler so I would have booked a table earlier if possible! But there you go.

I wouldn't do it at home - but it seems like you were only doing this to prevent a massive public meltdown, which seems like the lesser evil.

My DS is a similar age & I would have done exactly the same in that situation. We so let him watch occasionally, not at meal times, but in a hotel after he'd eaten, I absolutely would have (and in fact, did so at a restaurant during lunch this afternoon!) YWNBU

I'll add - mine are 7&4. They don't have their own iPads and certainly would never let them play on my phone etc when in a restaurant. We play games (rock/paper/scissors works a treat), bring colouring etc, or talk to them which takes some effort or one of us will take the dcs for a walk if they're gettting restless.

believeitornot can you explain to me why you would judge? What's the issue?

Generally I'm a 'no screen at table' person also. However, I wouldn't have a problem with what you did. Better to be quiet and occupied, then causing a riot! The other mum was rude.

I don't think it was bad of you to use it but you should have had the sound off or used head phones IMO.

Do you think she felt you were undermining her? If you were telling her it was okay you might have been saying it loud enough for her son to hear or thought you were speaking to him - that would have annoyed me if I was her. Not saying you did but she might have seen it that way.

what would you do with a fractious, tired two year old who didn't want to colour or engage in chit chat?

I would have called it before the meal and not gone out or if I had to I would have ordered a starter/light bite to arrive at the same time as dc's meal and been ready to go as soon as the meal was over.

I am a nanny to under 3's and have often taken 3 2 year olds and a baby out for dinner - it is often a quick meal - and I am always ready to abandon our meal - we haven't had to do it. I aim for dinner to be less than 40 minutes ideally, so order asap/

If you intend to manage your child's behaviour in a restaurant long term that way then it is fine. Obviously you're not expecting a magical change of behaviour and are working towards that.
She was very rude to publicly point out that it is rude (to her) to use a device in a restaurant. She made it clear she's in the obnoxious cow camp.
If adults or teenagers are on devices I do judge them - judge them too boring / bored to make conversation. But I'd think they were having a lousy day and not say anything about what I thought - because that's worse than refusing to be social. That's trying to cause offense.

I used to have the rule no gadgets whilst actually eating but could use then once finished eating if adults hadn't or adults were chatting after food.

DS now 10 wouldn't dream of watching his ipad over dinner as I have conditioned him to think of it as a babyish thing and he is of course way too grown up for it now So it isn;t at all true that children never learn to sit through a meal nicely. My parents couldn;t afford to go out for dinner when I was small back in the stone age so I NEVER sat through a restaurant meal until my teens - I'm quite capable of sitting through a meal now though!

I agree with someone earlier who said its just replaced colouring or sticker books - I don't see its any worse (unless noisy).

I didnt actually say out loud that it was ok, I could see why that would be annoying. I looked over at her with the intention of indicating to her that I was happy for him to come over if he wanted to.

As for sound, I will invest in a pair of kiddy headphones for the future but the sound was so low that I genuinely doubt it was audible to the other tables.

I don't think it's great table manners. But she was rude to say it in your hearing.

I agree with her, we've survived meals out with kids with no devices.

Yanbu. We have a 2 year old . I have a used our tablet at cafes and restaurants countless times. We keep the volume low but not completely off. Also often on public transport. My dd really does not still for any length of time unless has a lot to occupy her. We use the tablet along with books, colouring etc.

If we didn't do this, we'd have no chance of ever eating out with her. Even with all that, she'll never sit at a table for a full meal, and hadn't done since she learnt to crawl.

Incidentally op, this is why we avoid hotels and do self catering. It's easier to occupy her in our own space when eating. But you have every right to go to a restaurant whilst you're on holiday if you wish.

The meals did come at the same time and we did order quickly. The big issue we had was that her soup was fucking nuclear hot and she was starving. That was fun. Generally not the most pleasant dining experience.

Is it nice up there on the moral high ground, believeitornot?

"I think at age 2, there's not much else than an iPad that will shut them up."

Now I do use a tablet sometimes, for instance strapped ds (just 3) into a buggy and put cartoons on loop for a recent gynae ultrasound that they couldn't book for a more convenient time.

But I find this statement funny. My oldest is only 10 but nobody gave their toddlers tablets or smartphones when she was toddler and somehow managed

I don't see the problem at all and often use iPad/my phone to occupy my DDs when we're out for a meal. I honestly don't understand why people don't like it or suggest using colouring/reading books etc. Why are they more acceptable than an iPad? The child is still engrossed in something and not being spoken to etc so why is that more acceptable? As a PP said, iPads etc are the new colouring books.

When I was a child I used to read all the time. I am an only child so when I went out for meals with family I took a book and would sit and read while waiting for our food. Is this better than an iPad? Why?

I don't let my DDs watch screens while they are eating and obviously I talk to them etc while we are out but I see no problem at all in what you did.

My DDs are 5 and 1.5 btw.