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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
ChangingNamesAgain · 15/11/2016 06:42

Judoing by the current generation of adults your generation houmous fucked up well and truly, whatever you did to make all two year old son so passive they sat quietly through out entire meals and loudly judged other people may well explain alot of the mess we are in. It's about time paren't sure try meeting their children's needs and showing some compassion and consideration to children who may struggle for totally natural reasons, hopefully future generations will be a an improovent on our current rates of domestic violemce/child abuse/suicide rates/mh problems/scum sucking tory cuts/disabilism/sexism/racism/homophobia/general self entitlement and judginess.

OK so maybe not just your forcing a two year old to sit silent and still, but the general approach.

Or maybe so many parents these days take a more compassionate and considerate approach to their children's needs and feeling because they remember how painful it was to constantly be made to sit still and shut up.

But generally the well we all managed just fine in my day line of argument is fucking stupid at the best of times because for the most part the last few generations haveassuredly faI led to bring up decent human beings.

hazeyjane · 15/11/2016 06:49

POO

differentnameforthis · 15/11/2016 07:15

I was more wondering if it was generally frowned upon. Doesn't matter..if it works for you on occasions, where is the harm? I am assuming none of us here at at your dinner table, so what we think doesn't matter.

FWIW, I was always "no tech at the table" when out. Then we realised that my daughter has autism. Tech can be the difference between us all being able to eat in peace, or her melting down because she is overwhelmed. The tablet helps her regulate herself = little to no chance of a meltdown.

At home it is different though. You make your parenting choices on what works for your family, op. Not what random strangers in RL and the internet think

MsGameandWatch · 15/11/2016 07:22

A few mentions of being annoyed that someone at the next table whips out an iPad because it makes your parenting choice not to more difficult to enforce. Presumably you'd also be annoyed if the kid at the next table wasn't being forced to eat their veg or hold their knife and fork in the way you deem to be the "correct" way as well then or even if their child is wearing for example a character top that your kid might wish they had but you don't like those kinds of clothes? Or is it just IPads that are the issue here?

Agree with your post changing. All those lamenters of the old days make me laugh, my parents parented like that and I was a very unhappy and introverted child because of it. they're stuck in their ways and unpleasant to MY children these days trying to enforce those old attitudes.

TheStoic · 15/11/2016 07:54

A few mentions of being annoyed that someone at the next table whips out an iPad because it makes your parenting choice not to more difficult to enforce. Presumably you'd also be annoyed if the kid at the next table wasn't being forced to eat their veg or hold their knife and fork in the way you deem to be the "correct" way as well then or even if their child is wearing for example a character top that your kid might wish they had but you don't like those kinds of clothes? Or is it just IPads that are the issue here?

Just screens. They're bright and shiny and noisy and interesting. That's exactly why they're used.

I don't think most kids would give a shiny shite how yours are holding their cutlery.

MerylPeril · 15/11/2016 07:56

I don't see why people think it sets a precedence.
Sometimes you do things with a 2 year old because..... They're 2 and there is no reason with a 2 year old

When we did long journeys with DD we had peppa pig on a DVD player door to door - now she's 7, we don't have anything - she can amuse herself and has the language skills and concentration to do so.

When I was 2 I either wouldn't have been taken to a restaurant or a sibling would have been stuck 'taking me for a walk' - I really doubt my parents would have sat amusing me whilst ignoring their meal somehow

boddtm · 15/11/2016 07:58

Well, the only thing I think unacceptable about this is the explanation the other parent gave her child. There are plenty of other explanations that could have been given. 'Yes, they may allow that but every family is different' or 'but those are not OUR rules' without being judgemental and therefore setting up the child to be judged in later life. Is this why many of us are professionally offended by the smallest of things? I'm not sure, but as long as we teach other children that other parents are 'doing it wrong', then I think we're setting up the next gen of judges!

boddtm · 15/11/2016 07:59

*child to be judgmental

It's early Confused

Zippidydoodah · 15/11/2016 08:11

I don't understand why it took two of you to feed an almost two year old? Can't she feed herself while you feed yourselves? Confused

ZoeTurtle · 15/11/2016 08:13

What is this false dichotomy of "iPad or running around/tantrum"? If parents really can't see another option, I feel sorry for their kids.

treaclesoda · 15/11/2016 08:19

I find the vehement hatred of iPads very perplexing, because when I eat out I have no real awareness of what anyone at another table is doing, and my children aren't interested in what people at other tables are doing either. The only exception would be if someone was exceptionally noisy, as in screaming volume, or if a child was getting up and running round. I was out for dinner at the weekend and I can't honestly say that I have any recollection of who else was even in the restaurant, much less what they were doing at their table.

MsGameandWatch · 15/11/2016 08:28

Other parents aren't responsible for helping you enforce how you have chosen to parent whether that involves pile of broccoli or a shiny exciting iPad. It's rude and controlling to comment so they can hear with the intention of making them feel bad and to feel annoyed because your child is interested in their iPad in my opinion.

HummusForBreakfast · 15/11/2016 08:28

boddtm does it mean that you never say to your child that something is rude so they never come across as judgemental later on in life??

Marynary · 15/11/2016 08:33

Actually I do think that giving an iPad at 2yo will impact on the ability to have a meal wo a device aged 14yo.

Not because that one off will mean that they will never be able to sit still ever again.
But because a pattern is created. One that says it's OK to have an electronic device at the table. One that says an iPad is ok, then a phone will be OK too etc... because it's just for a few minutes etc...

Don't be ridiculous. Apart from the fact that a 14-year-old has no memory of what happened when they were two, children accept that things change as they get older.Hmm If not 14 year old would still expect to wear a nappy for example. Parents can easily say "no, we don't do that anymore because you are older". If you are unable to stop your teenagers doing things because you allowed them when they were two perhaps you are the one who needs to improve their parenting skills.

Sleepybeanbump · 15/11/2016 08:34

Did the other women really say it for your benefit?
Hard to know. If she did v rude. And bad parenting on her part. But maybe she just said it and you happened to hear?
Obv iPads are not great at tables. Who thinks they are? No one wants their kid to grow up thinking it's ok to look at screens at table but as long as it's not an everyday thing it's unlikely. And sometimes everyone needs a break and needs must. A long abnormal day needs different methods than you would normally user.
That said how much do we know about the other lady? Maybe this is a big issue and it was a 'normal' day for her and she feels she needs to make her child do without the iPad and watching someone at another table with one not only watching it but starting to invite him over just seemed like an annoying hassle for her she really could have done without. Maybe she didn't deal with it great? But then that's the thing, us parents don't always deal with everything amazingly!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 15/11/2016 08:45

Colouring books aren't seen as 'noisy' I think. DS has SNs, he's allowed my phone whilst waiting for a meal ans sometimes afterwards. Only with headphones though and on a low volume, because I'm sure the other diners won't appreciate a DanTDM video whilst tucking into their pie and mash as much as DS does. Grin

Even he knows that phone goes down when the food is brought to us and he cant have it back until hes finished. Trust me, this is better than the alternative where he bolts off everywher and screams blue murder (and before anyone says it yes of course I take him out to calm down when it gets too much from him). Phone isn't always needed either, I took both DCs out for tea jn a village pub a month ago, I'm still Shock that DS sat there quietly colouring whilst waiting for the food to come.

I seriously wouldn't think too much of it OP, as I said before, I dont think either of you are being unreasonable. A quick 'no' to my DS would not suffice. Explanations are needed in order for him to process it correctly, I'm suspecting this is what other lady was doing, explaining why she said no, just a bit tactlessly.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 15/11/2016 08:47

differentnameforthis that's what happens with DS. He 'zones in' on the video and the surroundings aren't so overwhelming to him then.

TheStoic · 15/11/2016 09:06

Other parents aren't responsible for helping you enforce how you have chosen to parent whether that involves pile of broccoli or a shiny exciting iPad.

That's right. It's up to each parent to enforce their own rules. Which also means that you don't then get to complain that the way they do that has hurt your feelings.

MsHooliesCardigan · 15/11/2016 09:13

Zoe Lucky you for being blessed with perfectly behaved children. DS1 was an utter nightmare as a toddler and hell would have frozen over before he would sit still quietly in a restaurant which is why we just stopped going.
I briefly attended a private school where we had to eat in total silence and would get whacked round the head for talking or not sitting up straight. Some people on this thread would have loved it.

MistressMerryWeather · 15/11/2016 09:37

That's right. It's up to each parent to enforce their own rules. Which also means that you don't then get to complain that the way they do that has hurt your feelings.

Nonsense.

Do you really think a toddler having a tablet for 10 minutes in a restaurant is in the same league of bad manners as making rude comments about the other diners within earshot of them?

What lesson is that teaching a child?

Parents should enforce their own rules but don't try to shame people in the processes. A simple 'No, come finish you meal' would have sufficed here - There was no need to be a dick about it.

ZoeTurtle · 15/11/2016 09:41

MsHooliesCardigan Your post has nothing to do with what I said. My point was that the choice isn't iPad or tantrum. There are a hundred other options.

MsGameandWatch · 15/11/2016 09:49

Can't add to that mistress. Couldn't agree more.

Megainstant · 15/11/2016 09:56

Do you really think a toddler having a tablet for 10 minutes in a restaurant is in the same league of bad manners as making rude comments about the other diners within earshot of them?

I think having a tablet with the sound on for 10 minutes is actually far higher in the 'bad manners league' than a pissed off parent being overheard by an entitled one, yes.

differentnameforthis · 15/11/2016 10:04

but if you have an 8 and 10 year old who refuse to take their headphones off and participate in a family meal, then yes I would judge your parenting "skills"!

Judge away. That says far more about YOU, than it does my parenting.

Believe me its far easier when you have a child who has autism, and who everyone, except one of her parents (me, because dh is always in deep convo with everyone else) ignores, because she is "too difficult" to interact with (she isn't, they just don't want to listen to what interests her, and they can't be bothered)

MistressMerryWeather · 15/11/2016 10:09

The only entitled person in this situation is the one who thinks they can say whatever they like about people because they believe they are right.

I can imagine the type.