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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
Lua · 14/11/2016 20:57

I had my 2 year olds when tablets were only starting. So obviously we did not have them. The kids were bored, but is good for children to be bored and learn to deal with boredness.

We did colouring, drawing, rhyming, crying, etc. How is it different from a tablet? It does not offer an out. We did the colouring with them, and they continue to participate in the table dynamics. I believe is very different. I have teenagers now, and they would not participate if they were allowed a mobile on the table. It is considered ad manners in our house to do anything else at dinner table, besides keeping conversation going on. I know I am a dinosaur, but the kids ability to talk with anyone proves it is worth it.

In case Op, really want people's opinion, I think 10 min as a 10 year old will become the whole dinner time at 14, if you think it is ok for kids to switch off when they are bored. Up to you, of course. But I sympathize with the other mum. Is hard work to raise kids away from this ever encroaching technology, and it makes even harder when people around give in so easily.

craftycarls · 14/11/2016 21:00

YABU! We don't really let our kids play on our phones or iPads but if we are in a restaurant then too right! I'm sure people would rather that than screaming children having a tantrum! And if it means you can eat your food in peace then why not! Most of my friends who are very well mannered do the same.

MistressMerryWeather · 14/11/2016 21:02

What a pass remarkable twat.

I would have taken my phone out and started taking duck face selfies just to piss her off.

Higgywiggy · 14/11/2016 21:03

Gosh, I'd love to be blessed with an almost two year old who happily colours or reads at the table as intently as watching peppa pig!!!!! We have a no screens at the table rule at home but I fully understand a meal out with all the waiting and sitting in one spot that it contains is totally unnatural for a toddler and will happily hand over anything that provides entertainment!!
When my children are older perhaps we'll extend the home table screens rule to our and about but until then I'll use it unashamedly on the occasions we eat out as a family as required!
YANBU OP xx

MsGameandWatch · 14/11/2016 21:07

If my dd (6) sees someone with an electronic device at a table she says loudly LOOK pointing furiously THEYRE BEING RUUUUUUUUDDEEEE.

You must have modelled some really judgmental and obnoxious commenting for her to think that's ok. Or were we supposed to think it was cute? Hmm

Marynary · 14/11/2016 21:09

Lua OP's child is 2 not 10. 10 minutes on an ipad during a meal out at two will have no impact on what the child does at dinner time at 14.Hmm

ChangingNamesAgain · 14/11/2016 21:24

One of my kids loudly shouts that is soooo rude at the top of her voice. She picked it up from you tube.

But then she does have send, so her standing up for herself with her limited verbal and social skills is a huge relief, it's her own way of asking others to respect her boundaries and is a huge improvement on her head banging screaming melt downs with twaty on lookers muttering under their breath, so when she loudly declares that's sooo rude when yet another stranger ignores their child touching her or taking the crayon she's using despite her visable distress I have been known to loudly agree with her.

MistressMerryWeather · 14/11/2016 21:32

That's different, Changing as your daughter is 100% right to tell people off for taking her things/touching her. I would loudly agree with her too.

Making snotty comments at people who are doing absolutely no harm is much ruder than 10 minutes on an Ipad.

tazo5153 · 14/11/2016 21:38

I just want to say to the people on this thread that you should be putting head phones on a 2 year old, you need to shush! A small child listening to peppa pig is not going to ruin a meal, and if you think it does it won't ruin yours as much as your shitty comments will ruin the meal of the parent that chose to put it on. Do t be mean to other parents for their choices. What ever gets you all through!

frozenfairy123 · 14/11/2016 21:41

Not read all comments but I would give my child an iPad after his meal rather than him run around like a lunatic or have a tantrum. My boy is not interested in colouring in and has a very short attention span. We are trying very hard to work on it but it takes time. The other woman was rude! Xx

Starlight2345 · 14/11/2016 21:49

No such things as Ipads when Ds was 2 so never did it..I did however stop eating out at that age as it was a nightmare ..We now don't have technology at the table though and we can talk and eat out ( he is 9 now).

My DS made friends with a boy on holiday who had a ds and didn't even look up from his meals..My DS noticed so we had a chat about it...

Under these circumstances I would of let your child.. If I was the other mum I may of commented no we are having our tea not made a judgement about you

slenderisthenight · 14/11/2016 21:50

Sounds like a tired mum in a holiday dip. She probably regrets it now.

AnnabelC · 14/11/2016 22:02

Perhaps self catering until children are old enough to sit. It's hard for a little one to sit for a long time. Usually before the meal arrives and then after! perhaps you could have taken it in turns to eat.

HummusForBreakfast · 14/11/2016 22:06

Actually I do think that giving an iPad at 2yo will impact on the ability to have a meal wo a device aged 14yo.

Not because that one off will mean that they will never be able to sit still ever again.
But because a pattern is created. One that says it's OK to have an electronic device at the table. One that says an iPad is ok, then a phone will be OK too etc... because it's just for a few minutes etc...
And you end up like a family I saw in a restaurant where mum and dad were there with their teenage dcs. Both teenagers with a phone in hand, never talking to their parents or looking at them. Phone hardly down when food arrived etc...
So yes. I do think you need to think ahead with these things because otherwise they creep up on you before you've even realise they have.

Besides, I will repeat again. The entire humanity has managed to survive wo tablets and iPads. Children have sat still at the table, yes even aged 2yo, during all these years and there was no iPad. They aren't necessary to entertain a 2yo. There are other ways. And these ways are working, just as they have been working for generations before hand.

HummusForBreakfast · 14/11/2016 22:11

Btw, I will say to my dcs that playing in a table whilst at the table is rude.
Because it is.

If that means that said children will then comment on others and said so and so is rude because they are playing on their tablet, then so be it. Because the comment would not have been directed to you but to me as a parent. In a 'look I have taken notice of what you said' type of way.

Maybe the start is to not feel offended by comments which aren't directed to you whilst you are eardropping on conversations that you have nothing to do wi th.

MistressMerryWeather · 14/11/2016 22:28

I'm sure past generations would have been shocked at the idea of colouring books at the dinner table. Times are changing.

I couldn't imagine begrudging a couple of parents 10 minutes peace to finishing their meal.

Saying a comment isn't directed at someone is a cop out, if someone is sitting there with a tablet and your family are having a jolly conversation about how rude it is well, that's bloody rude.

Far ruder than the family whose child is sitting quietly watching some Peppa Pig and keeping her opinions to herself.

pixie32 · 14/11/2016 22:36

Mistressmerryweather hear, hear.

alexhurton1994 · 14/11/2016 22:38

I'm sorry bu I do agree with the other lady. It's not right to be sat there on an iPad. Personally when my child does that, I explain the we have to sit patiently and wait for everyone else to finish and Ben ready to leave, have done since she was about one. It's not very nice when other people are eating at home and is just rude in public.

honkinghaddock · 14/11/2016 22:43

I think people who pass judgement on what others are doing with no idea why they are doing it, are rude.

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 22:45

So pretty much the entirety of mumsnet

honkinghaddock · 14/11/2016 22:55

The ones who don't want to think beyond their box.

HateMrTumble · 14/11/2016 22:55

No iPads or tv at home when we eat.. if we're out and it's a question of ten mins of iPad/iPhone or a screaming child.. (bored,hungry,tired..) then iPad all the way!

BananaThePoet · 14/11/2016 22:59

I'm in my fifties. I wish we'd had iPads when my sprog was tiny. I think they are much better than colouring in and books at the table. Much more hygienic as you can wipe them down if food gets on them. I was never allowed to read at the table when I was a youngster and I was addicted to books just as much as youngsters are to devices these days.

Well done for working out a strategy to enable you and your child to have a reasonably stress-free evening at the end of a busy day. The other person was being very rude to comment out loud like that and any imagined damage done to a child using an iPad at the table (which I don't think is likely at all) is far less than the damage done to a child who grows up thinking it is acceptable to comment on the activities of other people whom they do not know in front of them and while they are in earshot.

supermoon100 · 14/11/2016 23:32

I think it's a bit lame to carry an ipad around just to entertain kids. I understand giving them the phone mind but that's already on you and also a lot smaller so far less likely to distract other children. It would annoy me a bit if I was trying to keep a toddler in check and the next table lobbed out an ipad!

user1476178356 · 14/11/2016 23:53

In a perfect world our kids would only eat organic, never ever eat an ice cream because it contains sugar, be screen-free in their formative years and only engage in the type of play which stimulates their senses. Well, we can certainly aim for this kind of parenting, but in the real world sometimes we have to compromise - such as allowing this child 10 minutes on an I Pad when she was fractious in a restaurant. This mum did absolutely nothing wrong . And the parent who made that remark was a sanctimonious pillock.