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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have turned the car around and come home?

115 replies

Peachypeaches · 13/11/2016 10:19

My DS(14) and I have been planning on going shopping today to our nearest big city (hours drive) to get him a new hoodie, trainers and football boots, have lunch at his favourite restaurant and do a tiny bit of Christmas shopping. We've both been looking forward to it.

We'd been driving for about 15 minutes when a song came on the radio that was playing when I had a really nasty car crash a few years ago. I said what the song was, and he laughed and turned the radio up so loud on purpose that he blew the speakers. It's quite an old car and he knows not to play music too loud as I was already worried about the speakers.

AIBU to have turned the car around and come home? I haven't shouted or anything, just told him that I was disappointed. He's upset and I'm upset and I couldn't imagine taking him into town for a treat day after he's done that. He's normally completely lovely, no teenage issues. I feel awful though, have I overreacted?

OP posts:

Coldhandscoldheart · 13/11/2016 10:22

Mmmm. No, actually I don't think you have. However, if he is usually lovely, and if he came and apologised unprompted, I might try to salvage the day by starting again.
But I might not. TBH, it was a thoughtless & mean thing to do and I also think, it's not about the speakers.

EdmundCleverClogs · 13/11/2016 10:23

What he did was wrong and utterly rude, but I think it was an overreaction to turn around. I would have cancelled the lunch (just bought what was needed and come home). I'd also want to know why he wanted to turn the music higher and thought it was funny, seems quite nasty behaviour on his part.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 13/11/2016 10:23

No that was just nasty, I'm sure it was a split second thing that was done not meaning to cause upset and done through lack of understanding of the memories that come with the song but nevertheless it wasn't nice. I can't quite decide though if the day should be cancelled, an otherwise good teenager without teenager issues that you obviously have a good relationship with is a lovely thing. Maybe a chat and just set off a bit later, he'll have gotten the message I think

OldBooks · 13/11/2016 10:23

sounds reasonable to me. At 14 he should know not to ruin your speakers, but more than that he should be able to understand that would have brought back traumatic memories for you. If it is a one off though I wouldn't make a further deal of it.

Chipscheesentomatosauce · 13/11/2016 10:26

Is he upset because the day is cancelled or because he realises he upset you?

Giratina · 13/11/2016 10:26

I think YANBU and I'd be using the money I would have spent on his hoodie and football boots to get new speakers.

GazingAtStars · 13/11/2016 10:27

What a nasty thing for him to have done. I'd have given him a chance to apologise, made him pay for the speakers and carried on with the day if he was sorry. If he wasn't sorry I'd have gone straight home

Foofer · 13/11/2016 10:27

I agree with OldBooks completely

Original poster

Peachypeaches · 13/11/2016 10:30

Well he's just come downstairs and brought me in a cup of tea. He's obviously been crying, and has given me a big hug and apologised. He said he didn't think and doesn't know why he did it.

I think I'll drink my cup of tea then we'll head off into town but not have nice lunch. I might make him follow me round Primark as a punishment!!

OP posts:

CrazyGreyhoundLady · 13/11/2016 10:33

My mom when I was a teen would have done exactly the same and she would have been in the right. I would do the same with my dd when she is a teen. YANBU.

Saying that I agree with PP that if he is upset over upsetting you not over the day being cancelled, and he came and apologised unprompted I might be tempted to forgive move on and start the day again.

Original poster

Peachypeaches · 13/11/2016 10:34

Thanks for all of the advice, he's definitely upset because of what he did and not because of missing his treat. He's offered to pay for speakers out of his savings.

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 13/11/2016 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WankersHacksandThieves · 13/11/2016 10:37

That sounds a good resolution OP. Teens have problems with impulse control, it's part of the changes to their brain. I'm not excusing what he did, but I don't think it was premeditated and he sounds sorry.

If he was exceptionally good when you were out, I might even throw in a macdonalds or something.

Chipscheesentomatosauce · 13/11/2016 10:39

Aw, maybe I'm way too soft, but he does sound like a sweetheart really. Have your day out and put it behind you. He's learned his lesson. But yes, I'd perhaps make him at least contribute to new speakers.

GnomeDePlume · 13/11/2016 10:39

He is 14 what he did was stupid and thoughtless. That is what 14 year olds do. Yes, make him walk round Primark but dont skip the lunch, it will be an opportunity to chat and get back onto a more even keel for both of you.

NavyandWhite · 13/11/2016 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparechange · 13/11/2016 10:42

navy
It very clearly says in the OP that they had been driving for 15 mins when the song came on. What are you confused about?

EmeraldIsle100 · 13/11/2016 10:44

He sounds like a pet. Teenagers aren't exactly the most brilliant communicators and he probably thought in some strange part of his teenage brain that he was being funny.

He cried because he knew he hurt you. Love him and take him out and get all the stuff and have a lovely lunch. That will teach him more about life than any harsh words ever will.

GazingAtStars · 13/11/2016 10:45

Ah he sounds like a good boy really. If you would struggle to pay for the speakers I'd probably ask him to pay half since they were on their way out anyway. Definitely incorporate primark in your visit now though! Don't be off with him today now he's apologised otherwise there will be an atmosphere

sparechange · 13/11/2016 10:46

Sorry Navy, x-posted

timeforachangeithink · 13/11/2016 10:47

I do not think ywbu at all. Having been in a nasty accident myself I've never properly recovered from the trauma of it and luckily neither of us were badly hurt. It sounds like he is very sorry for his actions though which is the main thing. I think making him follow you round primary sounds like a reasonable punishment now.

Topseyt · 13/11/2016 10:47

Navy, the OP said they had been driving for about15 minutes when the song came on.

OP, you did the right thing, and it does sound like he has learned from it. It is also right now to draw a line under it and start the day again. Get yourself a little treat too to calm down and enjoy the rest of the day.

We live and learn. Your DS has learned something this morning too - that feelings and associations are very real and not to be joked about.

PCDC · 13/11/2016 10:48

Maybe he didn't know how to handle the emotion of the moment and tried to alleviate it by doing something "humorous"? Obviously with hindsight this was a bad choice but teenagers' brains aren't mature yet and he possibly panicked.

I remember trying to make a friend laugh shortly after her father died and it fell very flat, I was a normally very sensitive 12 year old but just couldn't handle the enormity of the situation.

claraschu · 13/11/2016 10:48

Aw he sounds lovely.

Topseyt · 13/11/2016 10:49

Navy, sorry for cross posts.

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