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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have turned the car around and come home?

115 replies

Peachypeaches · 13/11/2016 10:19

My DS(14) and I have been planning on going shopping today to our nearest big city (hours drive) to get him a new hoodie, trainers and football boots, have lunch at his favourite restaurant and do a tiny bit of Christmas shopping. We've both been looking forward to it.

We'd been driving for about 15 minutes when a song came on the radio that was playing when I had a really nasty car crash a few years ago. I said what the song was, and he laughed and turned the radio up so loud on purpose that he blew the speakers. It's quite an old car and he knows not to play music too loud as I was already worried about the speakers.

AIBU to have turned the car around and come home? I haven't shouted or anything, just told him that I was disappointed. He's upset and I'm upset and I couldn't imagine taking him into town for a treat day after he's done that. He's normally completely lovely, no teenage issues. I feel awful though, have I overreacted?

OP posts:

Inertia · 13/11/2016 12:01

I think you did the right thing . Despite their difficulties in understanding the perspective of others , teenagers are old enough to understand that their actions have consequences. It sounds as though he has learned from this, so starting the day again sounds like a good plan.

dotdotdotmustdash · 13/11/2016 12:02

Today was a very valuable day for him and well worth the upset. He's learned about how deeply others can be affected by things and what happens if he acts impulsively. Move on with your day and consider it a win.

One2another · 13/11/2016 12:03

Knee jerk reaction to turn round but that was so sweet of him to make you tea and apologise.
You sound like you have a lovely boy whose tried to make you laugh and forgot about the speakers being sensitive.
I hope you've had a lovely day, and do hope you went for a nice lunch, it'll save you cooking when you get home.

candybar007 · 13/11/2016 12:07

Peachy, if the speakers are door speakers, oval in shape and 6"x4" and you can pm your address I have a pair of good quality 50w speakers you can have.

EmeraldIsle100 · 13/11/2016 12:15

Candy that is so sweet of you.

Lollollollol · 13/11/2016 12:16

If he is not usually a mean boy then I think you were unreasonable. I've found that the loveliest 14 year olds can misjudge things. If you genuinely think he did it to hurt you rather than as a stupid misjudged joke then you have bigger things to worry about.

I agree he should pay for the speakers.

hmcAsWas · 13/11/2016 12:29

Have seen your update - glad that he has apologised and is genuinely sorry. All's well that ends well!

amazingamy09 · 13/11/2016 12:39

Aww I think he sounds really sweet. I think he acted badly, but it sounds like it was an awkward out of place thing for him to do. I think he sounds like he is genuinely sorry too, it sounds like you have a lovely son

DesignedForLife · 13/11/2016 12:50

YANBU, but it sounds like he's learnt his lesson. Hope you have a good time in town.

squiggleirl · 13/11/2016 13:07

I think it was very unreasonable to turn the car around.

He's 14, he will make stupid decisions, that comes with his age. An immature person (which is exactly he should be at 14) behaving immaturely is exactly what should happen.

I think you should have pulled the car over, had a serious conversation about how he'd behaved, and what he'd done, but then moved on.

What he did was symptomatic of nothing other than him being a teenager. He sounds like a nice boy, and he has to be able to make mistakes and move on.

I also think, that given his obvious and genuine remorse, it is petty to cancel the nice lunch, and I also wouldn't expect him to pay to replace the speakers. Accidents come with the territory of being a parent, and I wouldn't let him use his savings to replace the speakers that were already on their last legs.

HappinessLivesHere · 13/11/2016 13:11

That's actually really awful. Him, not you. It was mean, spiteful and hurtful. He absolutely didn't deserve a treat day. Hope you're OK op. Car crashes and the memories are awful. I avoid a particular road where I had one many years ago and still feel physically sick if I have to drive down it.

neonrainbow · 13/11/2016 13:18

Sounds like you've got a lovely boy there ... he did a stupid hurtful thing but it's what he did afterwards that shows his measure. Hopefully you're out now having lunch with him.

stonecircle · 13/11/2016 13:18

Happiness - he's 14. He realises he's hurt his mum and is remorseful. As teenagers move towards adulthood it's much better to appeal to their better nature and encourage them to behave like adults. Punishing them for being naughty is treating them like children and not helping to promote and develop a good adult relationship with parents.

One of my dcs has a tendency to laugh at unfortunate times. He can't help it - sometimes it's due to nerves. I've done it myself and certainly didn't mean any harm by it.

Poppypoochischristmascrackered · 13/11/2016 13:21

Aww have read your update and I cried have something in my eye, your son sounds lovely just being a typical teen with the music, genius idea with primark if it's not going too far drag him round m&s as well (my 2 hated that)

cdtaylornats · 13/11/2016 13:23

I think you did overreact and YABU. All he did was mock your ridiculous superstition.

JustSpeakSense · 13/11/2016 13:26

He's a 14 yo boy, they do stupid stuff without thinking...you massively overreacted and ruined the day, what a pity.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/11/2016 13:31

Aw I hope you don't cancel lunch.

He did a silly thing. He apologised. He made you tea.

Have your lovely day together.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 13/11/2016 13:33

YANBU. Sometimes a massive overreaction can provide a real learning experience. He now knows that a) your feeling are real b) there is some shit You Do Not Do. He has apologised sincerely. You have also saved him from being taught this lesson as an adult, when being a tit has real consequences.

Good for both of you.

gleam · 13/11/2016 13:42

YANBU. I don't think you overreacted.
You just reacted - to a nasty act by your ds.

Turning round and going home was the right thing to do, imo. He's had time to think, to realise that other people can be hurt and that sometimes the consequences of hurting other people impact on him.

I think it's very nice of you to still go. And I don't think the treat lunch being off the menu is too much either.

slenderisthenight · 13/11/2016 13:45

I would have said bygones after the apology. Teenagers aren't great at thinking ahead and it sounds like he knows how serious it was and has punished himself.

Topseyt · 13/11/2016 13:47

CD, it is not a ridiculous superstition. That is quite a spiteful thing to say.

The music was triggering for the OP due to the association with a traumatic event in her life. I hope you aren't implying that a serious car accident is insignificant. If you are then I take it that nothing that traumatic has ever happened to you.

I still get the collywobbles when I have to negotiate a set of traffic lights where someone rammed into my car several years ago now.

Trying321 · 13/11/2016 13:48

I think it was an overreaction. He sounds like he was just excited and being silly. Yes he was wrong but I doubt there was malice in it. It's too cruel to turn around without much warning and go home when he's been looking forward to it for a while.

RepentAtLeisure · 13/11/2016 13:55

I hope you have a nice afternoon

SuperPug · 13/11/2016 13:56

I teach boys your son's age- they can do silly/thoughtless things in the moment and it doesn't make them terrible people, far from it.
Your son sounds like he's genuinely sorry- he could have easily had a massive strop about missing his day out.
Go out, enjoy yourself, definitely make sure he goes around your shops as well and I think it would be good for him to contribute towards replacing the speakers.

haveacupoftea · 13/11/2016 13:59

I think you did totally the right thing and he has learned a valuable lesson enjoy the rest of your day together.

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