AIBU to have turned the car around and come home?

[Peachypeaches]

My DS(14) and I have been planning on going shopping today to our nearest big city (hours drive) to get him a new hoodie, trainers and football boots, have lunch at his favourite restaurant and do a tiny bit of Christmas shopping. We've both been looking forward to it.

We'd been driving for about 15 minutes when a song came on the radio that was playing when I had a really nasty car crash a few years ago. I said what the song was, and he laughed and turned the radio up so loud on purpose that he blew the speakers. It's quite an old car and he knows not to play music too loud as I was already worried about the speakers.

AIBU to have turned the car around and come home? I haven't shouted or anything, just told him that I was disappointed. He's upset and I'm upset and I couldn't imagine taking him into town for a treat day after he's done that. He's normally completely lovely, no teenage issues. I feel awful though, have I overreacted?

Aww, he sounds lovely and I think the way he apologised and tried to make amends says far more than his moment of inconsiderate behaviour. You must be parenting right to have raised him, so keep on doing what you're doing!

YABR! Maybe he will learn...

YANBU and I think that was the perfect level of punishment.

total over reaction by both parties.

From the info and background on this usually lovely DS, it seems he behaved in a very common reactionary way to a situation that was highly emotional, scary and he didn't know what to do. He deflected.

You then reacted OTT.

IMO, you were unreasonable. And he clearly feels really bad about this.

I hope you had a lovely day out and when you've both had time to reflect, have your special lunch.

I think you did the right thing OP. You're not just a mum, you're a person. What he did was thoughtless and cruel.

I think other people calling it s superstition don't understand how something like a song or a smell can cause you to relive a frightening of distressing moment.

My mum also has a trigger song which was what was playing the day she (as a child) saw abou killed in a car crash. We don't sing it or if we accidentally start we'd stop and apologise.

I'm glad your son realised how upsetting he'd been and hope he has learnt from the experience.

Hope u ended up having a lovely day together .... he sounded sincere to be crying and offer to pay for speakers .... good lesson learned and he got his clothes .... good result

He clearly is a lovely caring boy and didn't mean to upset you. He also feels bad about it enough to make him cry and bringing young cup of tea. Draw a line under it now he's learned his lesson

He sounds like a very sweet lad, and much more empathetic than most his age. If you haven't been through it, it can be very difficult to appreciate how upsetting a car crash (and associated memories) can be, especially for a non-driver who, like most 14-year-olds, probably thinks he's invincible.
Hope you both had a good day on the second attempt

He's apologised - he's been upset. Kids that age sometimes do things like that. He sounds a good lad , I'd let it go if it not his usual behaviour x

YANBU... But count your blessings OP. You have a lovely relationship with a smashing lad.

Just seen this and couldn't resist responding. I hope you had a good day out in the end - your ds sounds lovely.

My ds is a little older but I recognise your ds's behavior and your relationship with him. It sounds as though he wasn't thinking about the implications of his actions. One thing I've noticed is that sort of impulsive slightly aggressive behaviour is common among his age group (especially some of the football playing boys) - and it gets worse as they get older. I think it's quite hard for boys to resist taking on that attitude and sometimes it slips into the home.

When my ds oversteps the mark he quickly feels bad about it (like your son) and if I don't accept his apology and move on he's likely to feel brood. I think at this age they're treading a difficult path so really recommend moving on quickly (as you did). It sounds like you and your son have a great relationship. If he can trust you to be understanding he will feel he can safely confess other mistakes to you if he needs to. And make the most of these times you spend together. It sounds as though you have a great relationship.

He definitely sounds lovely. He's a teen, and he probably was trying to make light of the situation. We all make silly mistakes. Now he knows that it upset you so much, just let it go.

Agree with impossible Teens of that age do have poor impulse control-was seeking advice on it re my DS from fellow parent who is also a teacher. It's partly the hormonal chemical changes.
You have to call them on it, but keep talking and moving forward with understanding. YWNBU. Your DS sounds lovely.

Just reiterating what others have said, but he does sound lovely. Academic now, but I would've set off a bit later and started again. Draw a line and move on - he's obviously learned a lesson. My son is 12 so I'm storing all these type of posts up for future reference!

In my house a sorry and understanding of any hurt caused is enough for me to get a grip of whatever the upset has been about and move on. And that works the other way - if I need to apologise for anything too. I am not into dragging out punishment and putting my kid through a horrible atmosphere for the rest of the day just so that I can feel I got one up on him. It's a hollow victory that one.

I would have gone back home too as I can initially be a bit hot-headed, but I would of also dusted us off and got back out again after the apology and had a lovely day out.

Life is too short not to forgive your children when they are sorry.