To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

Chatty mummy we are spending over half our income paying off debts and the other half the mortgage. Any treats as such come.down to any overtime.we can get. We are trying bloody hard - we love our house and have been here 6 years. It's nothing special but it's ours.

No help to the Op (sorry) but thought I'd mention for anyone else that has very young children and have yet to set traditions, that our children have always just had 3 or 4 small gifts that they thought were from Father Christmas (they're all grown up now). Our thinking behind this was that so many kids get differing amounts that it is impossible to explain why Father Christmas favours some more than otehrs. So they always knew that most gifts were from us yet still enjoyed the magic of Father Christmas without disappointment when they might have felt slighted that he would arbitrarilly leave them small gifts and their friends a bicycle.

Charity shops can be great. I've consistently been able to buy for my similarly aged dc from charity shops/car boot sales. Dd always has a beautiful Monsoon dress from Santa, it's never coat more than a fiver. But this relies on having time to actually go to them regularly which you may not have. Can any friends keep an eye out? Join Facebook selling sites local to you, both to buy and sell. It can be done x

DNo have you had any debt advice? Stepchange are brilliant.

Oh and keep an eye out for NCT or similar toy sales near you. I have sold many once expensive and as good as new toys for pennies through them over the years (if I had my time again I'd have bought them from there in the first place).

£140 is loads! I know families where there is a rule that there's a max spend per child which is about £20.

you are in financial trouble. Get them a couple of cheap fun things and put the rest towards bills. Mushypeas mentioned what you do if there's an emergency like the boiler breaking down - exactly.

my local £1 shop has fun things in it. Please do not spend the money this way.

Buy less for the youngest as they won't notice as much, hit the pound store for sweets and toys to bulk up stockings, charity stores for books. iPods are nice yes, but I doubt most of the class at that age will be getting them, but even if they are make the Christmas memorable in other ways, lots of crafts and games to play together as a family

Wait for black friday sales too. X

Here's what we're doing:

• homemade stay up 30mins later and film 'vouchers'

• stocking with bubble bath, shampoo, underwear, hair clips etc (all things I'd buy anyway so no extra cost)

• sweets and chocolate from Lidl

• I'm a little crafty so am crocheting a gift for DD. I've got a fair few resources at home so no cost now.

• I'm buying a couple of card type games too, cheaper than board games and lots of family fun. We love Dobble and I'm buying Bohnanza.

• check out The Works or The Book People for cheap books (buy a box set and wrap them separately!) or cheap crafts and jigsaws in The Works too.

Kindle fire's will be £35 from Amazon or John Lewis on Black Friday that's Nov 25th buy the older two one. Spend £20 /£25 on a toy from home bargains for the three year old and that leaves £50/£55 for bits from Poundland the works b and m home bargains etc.

OP. I second other posters on saying go to Poundland, Lidl, Home Bargains, B&M etc. Also The Book People as someone suggested. I got DD a 52 book set for £25 and she will be thrilled with it. Sign up to their mailing list and you will get sent loads of offers for discounts and free delivery. You could easily do a stocking each for them from Poundland.

The Disney store were doing giant soft toys for £25. Look out for other discounts, last year I managed to get a giant Marie for £15 and my friend got a large Cars toy from £40 down to £25.

Also, charity shops are a brilliant idea, I have often bought Christmas presents from there.

Also, do you belong to topcashback for any online shopping you do? I have made over £300 using them for the past couple of years, and that has paid for DD's birthday and Christmas presents. Even if it's too late for this year, you could amass some cashback for next Christmas if you sign up.

Ooh, that's good to know about the Kindles, Seven

Have you sold off all of your baby stuff? Go round the house and do a Konmarie and get rid of all the excess in the name of minimalism - sell it for whatever you can get.
Kids are expensive, but thankfully you don't have long to go before your youngest is in school full time, which will reduce your childcare costs and you can get back to that higher paying job.
When you gave up your law career, did you do a cost analysis as to whether you needed to downsize your living arrangements? You prioritized dc3 and growing your family (all fine) but sometimes in order to be able to afford extra kids and give up work, we have to reduce mortgage costs etc - two well paid adults can afford much higher mortgage costs than a single earner with three kids etc.
Is there any chance to remortgage for a longer period to reduce your monthly outgoings? If you are already in arrears with your mortgage, the bank will be willing to discuss. You can then start making increased payments/ doubling up once you get back to work when dc3 is in school.
If your outgoings exceed your income to the extent that you are increasing in debt every month and unable to pay your mortgage, you need to either increase your income, or reduce your outgoings. You know that. If increasing your income is not possible for two years, then call the bank and ask to discuss your situation with a financial advisor with a view to remortgaging to reduce monthly payments.
There is no point being miserable and increasing debt for the next year or two, and you appear to have no other way out if you have reduced all non-essential costs.
Ignore Christmas. It's a red herring. Kids get plenty from grannies anyway, and fussing about not being able to afford iPads when you can't pay your mortgage is insane.
Good luck.

Gah, I spent £100 on my two kids for Xmas and they are 11 and 8. Get onto Ebay! I bought several things second hand. Get to Aldi!

This was about all I had because they each have a birthday in November and December respectively. Get some perspective. Get the 3-year-old's stuff secondhand. Go on a FB selling page and place a wanted ad.

We're comfortably off (sorry if that sounds ) and yet we don't spend more than that on our three dc - usually much less.

Will get presents from other family members or friends, or is what they get from you the sum total?

Presents really aren't the most important thing about Christmas even though sometimes it might feel like they are. though as you sound really stressed out which is horrible.

Have you heard the thing about buying children "something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read"? A bit cheesy but quite a good idea, and the "need" and "wear" could be things you'd have to buy anyway - eg new pencil case and pyjamas.

Good luck - it'll be OK!

I'd get three year old really really cheap stuff. Bubbles, massive box full of balloons and sweets, big plastic tat. At three they will be overjoyed. Then the two older ones spend the money on one quality toy and then a few cheap and big looking extras. Once family presents are added they always have too much anyway. Then the imoortant thing is you have a fun Christmas and not stress about money. Well done for realising it is more important to not spend and protected your DC's future

We did what DementedPixie does. Santa picks the gifts but he could only bring what Mummy and Daddy could afford.

OP I'm in an IVA and I'm a lone parent on a low salary. Please explore this option again. Try stepchange.

Yes to cheap Kindle Fires or similar - I bought 2 last year, one for me and one for my son. I will say though that I don't find the Kindle Fires nearly as good as cheap Android tablets I've had in the past for the same price, they can be very limited regarding apps. You can pick up cheap Android tablets for about £30 a piece.

If they already have tablets what about a games console? I'm getting my son an Xbox 360 this year (rather than the Xbox One which is ridiculously expensive for his age). You can find pretty cheap bundles on Ebay or in local Facebook groups.

Charity shops are fine for presents, my son loves mooching about charity shops for toys and feels good about buying in them because he's giving to charity at the same time.

Freecycle is another option.

Tons of cheap bits in B&M, Poundland, Poundworld or similar.

Other than that I wouldn't let on to children about money worries. I remember my mum telling me she didn't have a penny (although she did it was just an off the cuff remark) but it really made me so worried for a long, long time and I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 yrs old. They're your worries, not the childrens.

When I was little and my parents struggled we had a small stocking, 4 or 5 things like bubble bath, a scarf, choc pennies and game. Never felt hard done by. Other kids had new TVs, games consoles, the fanciest trainers etc but I just didn't need all that stuff. We spent christmas playing charades etc with our cousins and always had a lovely time.

I have to say I don't rate CAB for advice. I've tried several offices in different areas over the years and their info is often out of date and sometimes downright wrong!

Stepchange, welfare rights, mse and shelter all MUCH more on the ball.

In fact I'm kicking myself I didn't mention shelter sooner, not only have they helped me personally I've also worked with them as a volunteer for another organisation with clients who faced homelessness and issues with landlords etc they can help homeowners too and they REALLY know their stuff

When I read OP and saw you thought a budget of "only" £140 meant you would have to cancel Christmas I was .

Then it seems the £140 is OP's budget just for Christmas presents for 3 and she's feeling badly done by. Now I'm .

Just as in previous years I can't afford more than £40 on presents for my DC and I would never class myself as poor. Poor is when £5 is a struggle. I'm on a fairly pitifully low income, but plenty of parents are worse off than me.

Do you not think, OP, that you've been very lucky financially for a long time, and haven't recognised this? Perhaps you need to absorb the fact that only having £140 to spend is far more than many MN posters have every year. You really don't know how the other half lives. I'm not glad you're having to find out, but you may be glad in the long-term.

Christmas isn't about money. It's about fun, love and community.

I agree with Semi, the older children can be made aware you can't afford some items but don't worry them with your financial difficulties.

I think at 8 and 9yo, the older ones are old enough not to believe in FC anymore. That helps. Otherwise it would be weird to them that they haven't got as much as other years. 3yo won't remember last Christmas anyway, so he can still believe. I have 8yo twins and they don't believe anymore. They asked. I was honest. I generally do a joint present between 3 kids from me and dh, and then bits from Father Christmas.