To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

[DNo]

Jingle bells- we don't earn enough to do an IVA unfortunately according to citizens advice.

[JakeBallardswife]

We don't spend a huge amount on anything really and we're not on the breadline But my DC's and us don't expect new and that's how they've been brought up. We wrap everything that is bought for them fromm the beginning of October. If they need new socks, pants, pj;s then those are got for xmas. This year they are getting hoodies from FC as he always brings them something else. Really they are just part of their home clothes etc.

We will and do of course buy them stuff but not expensive.

[sj257]

Hope you're OK OP xxx

[DNo]

Yes I'm new to mumsnet as a poster but a prolific reader. Sorry if I've brought the antenna. First post and last post.

[dementedpixie]

I used to tell my 2 that although Santa gets presents for them, he uses money from our bank account to pay for them so the presents reflected how much money was available

[DNo]

Despite the troll posts I would like to thank everyone else for their very helpful suggestions. Honestly. X

[Meeep]

Maybe think about why you've taught your children that not getting an ipod for Christmas is unfathomable. Sounds rather like you are projecting a very spoiled mindset onto them to me. (Sorry.)

[Graphista]

Er not judgement from me!

I too have a degree and had a good career before becoming ill, my marriage broke down while I was doing my degree! Circumstances change but when they do you need to change your expectations and outgoings too.

I've gone from

Married both earning well before daughter, my salary going on big household items and holidays

To

Having my daughter and husband having to change to a less well paid job while I was pregnant

Husband promoted pay improves

We agree for me to do degree to help returning to work and improve promotion prospects (industry I was in used to be from all backgrounds but changed to preferring graduates)

Husband has affair and leaves me high n dry with a 2 year old and no money, car or home (house was tied to his job).

Gain degree get a new job all going ok

Become ill too ill to work

Develop a disability which makes things even harder and incurs costs

Daughter diagnosed disabled more costs

Each time I've had to adjust, it can even be hard to adjust up the way as you daren't believe things are ok.

[Maudlinmaud]

Op I am cutting back on santas toys this year, my dc get far too much and it's never looked at. Don't feel bad about spending that amount I'm sure you will find plenty of surprises and bargains. Christmas is far too commercial as it is.

[Witchend]

I don't spend that much on my 3 dc at Christmas that they don't already need.
Their stocking consists of:
Pants
Socks
Toothbrush
Another Item of clothes
Notebook
Pen
Box of chocolates
(at times the above have been the only new things-and even the other item of clothes often is second hand)
DVD
Books
Board game
Things they need for school
Toys from charity shops
Craft item

By oldest is 16yo and she's (nor the others) ever commented that she has a rotten set of presents compared to friends, nor does she have issues with 2nd hand stuff-she knows she gets better if it's second hand.

[Meeep]

Sorry, would have written that more nicely if I'd refreshed the thread, not meaning to pile on and bully.

[randomer]

I would say Father Christmas is not true. here is a voucher.

[Caper86]

Why tell them anything? Just spend equally on each.

[Crystal15]

OP is there anyway you cold add some vouchers for the older kids. Print out a cinema trip for February, a trip to McDonald's in march. For youngest a trip to soft play etc.

I also think check out hone bargains and Poundshop. Do they get much from relatives? That will bulk things out. Also any usual chocolates you buy wrap up as gifts for full family to open.

Poundshop do some bargain girly bits, dvds and cds. I would honestly buy 1 big gift for £20 for each child. Then raid Poundshop etc for the rest of it.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Spend less on the 3 year old who won't know the difference

The 8 and 9 year old will have seen some friends getting more than them and some getting less than them in previous years because that's what always happens! This year they might be at the lower end that's all.

Craft bits are great as they take up time and then have something to show at the end of it.kits are good but also odds and ends like loo roll tubes, pack of tissue paper, glue, pipe cleaners, paper and card, ribbon etc

Board games that you can all play together

Clothes that they needed anyway to bulk out the piles

Sweets/chocs from pound shop, don't get a big tin as "food", include them as Christmas presents to unwrap



Don't do presents for anyone else, just the kids. If you normally do then just explain in advance that you can't this year and that you have no expectations of them giving you gifts either (although people may still give things for the kids anyway).

Get them involved in baking, again takes time and they'll enjoy it. Even get the older 2 to help with Christmas dinner so they feel grown up and involved

At 8 and 9 they're old enough to have their expectations managed in advance that Santa isn't going to bring them the entire contents of toys r us, but you're going to spend lots of family time and do lots of fun things regardlsss

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

MNHQ have to err on the side of caution with money worry threads, it's not personal OP.

As this thread demonstrates, there are plenty of families with a similar Christmas budget to you and plenty in a far worse financial position to you.
I appreciate you have been earning more and have become accustomed to spending more but you need to change your mindset. There's no point being bitter about the hand you've been dealt and feeling frustrated about how things could have panned out.
You need to look forward and make the best of your situation. A miserable atmosphere and a negative outlook in your home is what will spoil Christmas.
It will be ok

[paxillin]

£140 for presents will be ok. The 8 and 9 year old probably play along with the Santa theme for the three year old and possibly to humour you.

[Sipperskipper]

Our family had very little growing up. Dad made redundant - out of work for some time, and I know how tight money was for my parents. I can remember very few presents I recieved, but what sticks in my head is the magic - music, food, making things.... not gifts. That's stayed with our family, and we still buy each other very very little - but have the best Christmases ever.

[Chattymummyhere]

Not judging in a bad way purely trying to be helpful.

If you go bankrupt you will have to give up the house that's pretty extreme, how many debts are you paying each month? Are they still with the original creditors? Can you lower the repayments and get the interest frozen?

You've both clearly worked hard to the house and going brankrupt will ruin your credit rating as much as defaulting on credit cards for the sake of buying a few months to try and get back above water.

[VanessaBet]

Father Christmas has always 'paid for/made' the stocking gifts in our house (lego mini figures, chocolate, socks, small toys and stationery type stuff) and delivers gifts from the family, possibly with a Santa's sack gift between each or between my boys.

I hope you have a fab Christmas, would recommend looking on Facebook selling pages for good bargains, we have a local one called 'lots for tots' which is all kids' stuff.

[BarbarianMum]

No offense but you can do a perfectly good Christmas for £140 (assuming you and your dh don't expect gifts and you are not buying for other family members).

-Forget stuff like Christmas cards if you usually do them.
-Buy some nice food (although, in all honesty, the highlight of my kid's Christmas is the tin of Quality Street)
-Decorate the house to the nines (make paperchains etc if you don't have enough)
-Spend the same amount on each child (or less on the 3 year old) and spend it wisely
-Explain to the older kids that this year Christmas is going to be a bit tight (by 8/9 they are surely aware that poverty and Father Christmas can co-exist)
-Have fun, play music, spend time together. It's corny I know but this is honestly the bit that makes Christmas for them. Make a huge deal of going for a special Boxing Day walk then coming home to eat the mince pies you've made together (or whatever)

Sorry about your financial situation in general but don't worry about Christmas. You can make magic with very little.

[aprilanne]

op tommorow lidls have a wooden toy special the things are cheap really nice things for 3 year old nothing seems to be over £10 and little wooden cars £3 garage £10 if you have one near it would be a great buy lots of things for girls and boys just mentioning garage because i have sons .

[notagiraffe]

OP - I haven't read the full thread as it's almost 100 answers already.

But please don't tell your DC you can't afford Christmas. There's no need at all. Just don't encourage them to make lists of expensive stuff. Get them surprises. You can buy giant (big as your child) soft toys in Wilkos for £10 right now. Get them two youngest one each. Buy simple toys, craft stuff, bubbles and sweets from Poundland, Wilko and charity shops for a stocking (I know loads of very wealthy families who do this too.)

Get onto Freecycle to ask for an artificial tree and decorations if you don't have any put by. You could also see what people are offloading at this time of year. We have given and received musical instruments, good quality bicycles and brand new skateboards etc over the years on Freecycle.

Roast a chicken on the day instead of a turkey that costs £££, light candles, have a chocolate log for dessert, watch Christmas films and listen to carols, go to church for Christingle etc. You can do all that for half the money you set aside. It's not about big spending. They won't even know you're hard up.