To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

[toptoe]

Honestly I don't think they'll notice, as long as they get about ten pressies each to open, some large some small, they can still be cheap but bought carefully on offers/second hand and wrapped well they won't notice. Don't mention the christmas lists so they can't say 'but I didn't get ,,,'. If they do, just remind them it's a wish list and you don't ever get everything, just a couple of things. I wouldn't mention money to them at all.

[DNo]

Prawn I never said I'd have to cancel Christmas? Just that (admittedly our fault) our children expect £150 each for Christmas.

I'm really struggling with the fact that my first post has had so many helpful suggestions but then so many sceptical ones. Please believe that I've asked this question with sincerity.

[PopGoesTheFuckingWeasel]

Posting without reading the full thread, sorry.

OP, which area are you in? We are having a sort out at the weekend, and will probably have loads of toddler-shape stuff you can have.

We tell our kids we have to,set a budget with Santa every year, and it's worked up till now.

[YelloDraw]

How big is the house? Can you free up a bedroom and get a lodger in?

You're not going to be able to charge too whack 'market rates' as they be living with a gazillion children but an extra couple of hundred a month could save you here.

[thedogatemyzebra]

£140 is fine I think. I get most Christmas presents for the children from charity shops. You can get loads of very nice things for a few pounds each. Just start looking now. Last week my teenage girl picked up a lovely brand new jacket with price tag on for £99, paid £8.50. She is now converted to using charity shops too! Your children probably won't know or care that the items are not brand new. You can also get shared presents for the 2 older ones, as so close in age - eg they can share a game, or a dvd or cd or book. And you can get cheap decorations and wrapping paper from Pound Shop.

[LIZS]

Speak to Stepchange as CAB may well not be right about an IVA or the best way to handle your debt. However as a lawyer you need to avoid bankruptcy at all costs as it could affect your professional status. Do you still have a practicing certificate? Could you find work pt in a local firm or through an agency. If the mortgage is high and getting behind could you downsize longer term?

[happilyahousewife]

Do you have family/friends who will be buying for them?

[QueenOfTheNaps]

Honestly, £140 is plenty for presents. I feel that at their age its more about quantity not quality so as others have mentioned try pound land, wilkos etc.
Your food is all paid for so to me it sounds as though you can have a lovely christmas! Don't say anything to the kids about them getting less or anything as that could really spoil the magic!

[Stormtreader]

My parents always did a few small presents from Santa, but the big main one was from them - we always had a £50 big present budget and I never felt short-changed.

[winterisnigh]

Hi op,

when our dd was baby to toddler 4 ish I got presents for free from freecyle, or car boot sales. One year her best gift was a Disney princess set we got for free, and another year fancy dress costume that was pence at a car boot. I also supplemented with things from charity shops because that those ages they dont know if something is second hand or not.

Growing up, we had lean years and it never ever occurred to me my parents had less money, but I had never counted gifts or compared with friends ( private school by the way).

so I would aim for a few items that may be pricey and then join your local freegle group, be a hawk at christmas fairs, charity shops, ebay...local paper ads, and BULK out that way and they wont know any different. My older has no idea what we spend on her and neither does younger and they dont compare.

Good luck, if your not used to this budget it will be daunting but many people do it on a shoe string....and its fine

[LIZS]

Do you have any club card , boots or nectar points?

[winterisnigh]

Don't say anything to the kids about them getting less or anything as that could really spoil the magic!

^^ agree dont say anything

[LetsAllEatCakes]

How is your credit op? I know you said you had debt I wasn't sure how badly it effected your rating. Despite debt dsis was able to get a 1 year 0% card. She paid her bills on that and prioritised the debt so it was paid off within the year with no interest accrued.

[Grumpyoldblonde]

Well, off the top of my head, Primark sell 2 x pair fluffy socks for your daughter at £1.70, wilko have small selection packs for 89p each, littlest child could have character bubble bath from Poundland. Onesies or pyjamas from Primark, Wilko own brand board games are good. Horrid Henry books are in Poundland who aloo sell funky lip balms, colourful hairbrushes, character toothbrushes and for your daughter cheapie perfume (So) plus they have 'name' door hangers and rulers, plus art supplies.
If you have any spare time you could try Nectar Canvass and Panelbase for short surveys, I am very quick an earn a fair bit extra, e-rewards have given me £60 of Nectar points in 6 weeks alone, that's a lot of extra treats for Christmas.

[GreenPetal94]

I'd just buy what you can afford. Buy second-hand or cheapie so they do have the same number of presents each. Carry on as if none of this matters and enjoy Christmas.

If the kids do actually complain you haven't bought x, y or z tell them money is tight but also remind them of children in the third world who get no presents. Turn it around in to talking about how fortunate you are to have food to eat etc.

You could also try to add in some completely free "Family Traditions" such as playing charades, leaving carrots out for Rudolf, santas footsteps from flour, wrapping up the door-space to the presents (ok that costs paper). Really talk these up as if they are just soooo Christmassy.

[user1471950254]

The Works have an online only offer of 10 children's books for £10.

[SavageBeauty73]

You CAN afford Christmas. Just spending less on presents.

Mine got iPads last year. This year I'm skint so they are getting much less. 14 year and 11 year old twins. They know I'm a single mum, I don't get any maintenance and I'm freelance. Part of life is learning you can't get everything you want.

[DNo]

They will be getting presents from 5 family members yes. They'll get plenty I am sure but my worry was that there will be no "main" present this year. Previously they have had a bike/scooter but they are of the age where electronics are the top.pick.

Our credit is getting bad. We have one account with a debt management company but no CCJ's etc as yet. X

[AndNowItsSeven]

Re the kindle fires they are essentially an android tablet so you can easily sideload any android app as an apk file. You need to go into settings and tick/untick the allow apps from unknown origin or whatever it's called.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Thank you Seven that's one of my son's presents sorted hope the Amazon site doesn't crash on black Friday

[atticusclaw2]

OP I can't believe that your DC expect £150 each for Christmas. One of them is 3 for a start.

I have an 11 YO and a 9YO. There is no way they know the cost of everything. The 11 YO might have a bit of a better idea.

At 8 and 9 you can buy them a good few cheap but impressive looking presents.

Over the years I have bought loads from eBay for a few pounds each. They would never even know that things like dressing up outfits and books were second hand.

This afternoon I have bought

star wars electric toothbrushes - £1.99 home bargains
marvel shower gel - 99p Home bargains
DC tins full of chocolate crispy things for stockings (99p)
character memory sticks - £4
DVDs - £2
torches - 99p
disney key ring - 99p

You could also buy something like tickets for the Harry Potter Studio Tour in the summer and give yourself 8 months to save up (or buy tickets to somewhere like warwick castle and use tesco club card vouchers to pay a fraction of the cost).

[Chattymummyhere]

Won't help so much right this second but there are apps you can download and you earn points to trade to cash/vouchers.

Receipt hog
Swag bucks
Answer

Are just a few, receipt hog you purely scan any receipts you have from shopping the others are surveys.

[winterisnigh]

school xmas fair I got a huge car park toy for dd then 3. It was bulky and big and was £1, you need bulk under tree.

[winterisnigh]

Homebargins had some really good stuff in, paint your own russian dolls, £3 or there abouts, a gorgeous tea sets in lovely cases, £5

[winterisnigh]

tk Max of course to