To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

[VixenLupin]

Board games to share are a good idea - charity shops often have them in, as well as jigsaws etc.

The Book People are really good for cheap sets of books. I've bought a load and only spent £30.

You could even get them a tablet to share if you look around for a cheap one.

I've always told my kids that we have to pay for the presents, that way they've understood when we've said stuff is too expensive. Father Christmas is just a courier really!

[YelloDraw]

So far:
-Evening and weekend hours in shops or bars whilst the other parent stays home

• Paper round in the mornings whilst other parent looks after children
  
• Babysitting in the evenings whilst other parent stays with children
  

Reckon you could up your income quite significantly if you tried.

Also for gifts - buy cheap, plentiful tat.

Standard disclaimer - first time poster posting a begging story....

[givemushypeasachance]

I don't mean to be harsh OP but if you're a month behind on the mortgage and maxed out on credit cards with no plan to rectify that situation I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about how presents are going to be distributed under the tree - you need to look a bit more long term. What would you do if the boiler broke down tomorrow? It's not a sustainable financial position to be in. Can you seek advice from somewhere like CAB?

[Grumpyoldblonde]

Christmas is all well and good but what is the big picture? have you spoken to the mortgage company? Spoken to Stepchange or similar to get a proper repayment plan in place. You say you are facing bankruptcy, is that a figure of speech for being broke or are you actually going to go bankrupt? Can you get some shifts stacking shelves in the run up to Christmas? Can family help?

[kiki22]

Wait for the sales you have already missed a smyths event but there will be more join hotdeals on facebook that kind of thing plenty of people have an Christmas budget similar to your every year I've only spent £160 on 2 kids that includes a jumperoo which was the most expensive thing. I think you need to readjust your thinking and planning if your not going to be so well off. I start buying in August and wait for sales and events and save for food all year on my Iceland card.

[FlopIsMyParentingGuru]

That's plenty of money on presents for the children. We budget £40 per child for main present and normally about £15 on a stocking. Thins year we've spent a bit more on stockings (maybe £25) to get some more practical presents because I'm tired of tat BUT they would love a stocking filled with tat!!

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Why on earth would you even think to tell children that they haven't been good enough to get nice presents? Are you serious? I am sorry, you get my first ever . Totally questioning this post!

[SilentBiscuits]

We were in this position as kids. My mum told us that Father Christmas had had a bad year and didn't have much money for presents. We accepted that without question. We still had a nice day - kids don't actually need much.

[KatherineMumsnet]

Hi all,

We have no reason to doubt the OP, so this is no way suggesting they are not genuine but as you know - we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are and we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We hope you have a wonderful Christmas, OP.

[ButtonBoo]

Lots of good suggestions above.

My ex-P is out of work and struggling financially but he made some of DD's presents one year - story cards (cut out pictures from magazines, drew some and printed photos of family onto paper, stuck them on cards) like the story cubes do you have 8 themes eg animals (cat, giraffe, elephant), objects (magic wand, treasure chest, key) places (beach, iceberg, city, moon) and she picks 5 cards and makes stories up. Great for the imagination!! And he made her a cd of her favourite songs, things we hear on the radio etc. Little expense but personal and she loved them!

Have you looked at Tiger stores? And Argos 3 for 2 is definitely a good idea.

[Bubbles1986]

£140 is a fine amount, I've spent just over that on my 2 and I feel I've really spoiled them this year. I think you old job has given you a slightly warped sense of money. There are people who have literally no money to buy their children anything, you have £47 per child

[DNo]

Oh dear no. My post didn't read properly whatsoever. They would think that they haven't been good is what I meant! I would never tell them they've been bad to deny their gifts! Sorry if that's how it came across!

Thanks so much for the advice and tips. X

[Chattymummyhere]

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Your a month behind on the mortgage, maxed out al your credit options these have to be the priority.

If your children get presents from other people I think you would be better off keeping your £140 if they don't then you need to get on the fb freebie sites etc.

What changed to make it so hard right now? Your youngest is 3 so you where clearly managing before. They get 15hours free childcare now so if you had a 30 hour job you would only pay for 15 if you got your 3x salary back I don't see how you could be worse off.

What's your out goings vs incoming.. if your not tied in on contracts to things like sky/phone etc cut them, check that you couldn't lower your payments on gas and electric until you've dug yourselfs out of this whole a bit.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

You have no choice but to share out the budget you have between the children. There are lots of great suggestions on here. I second buying second hand, EBay is excellent for bargains.

There are plenty of families in the same predicament as you. I suppose the difference here is that you have become accustomed to a certain income and the lifestyle it affords and the shift is now hard to adjust to. I sympathise. I've had many sleepless nights over money worries. It's an awful position to be in and it very easily gets worse if you start to build up debts.

I don't think you need to make a dramatic announcement to the children. Just let then know you can't afford an expensive gadget if they ask. They will not be emotionally scarred if they receive less presents this year.

Do you have family that buy for your children? Mine will often ask for a voucher or money from relatives to put towards a present which they buy after Christmas. Grandparents, aunties etc could club together to buy a larger gift?

Bulk out the stockings with treats as well; a chocolate Santa, pens, pencils, gloves, colouring books, chocolate coins. You can buy all of those in a pound shop.

[Floralnomad]

I've never really found that children discuss what they got for Christmas , they may discuss what they want before school breaks up but I don't think a lot is dicussed when they go back at that age as the tech gifts don't get taken into school . Your budget is similar to lots of other people's and they manage to survive and honestly I think I'd be spending as little as poss and concentrating on paying the mortgage . Do they have GPS , aunts , uncles etc that will buy for them as well ?

[sj257]

Yello, I'm sure she's embarrassed so made a new name

[Emmageddon]

£140 is more than enough for presents, you've just got to be imaginative. Go to all the Christmas Fayres in the area, (primary schools usually have one, so do most Scouts and Guides groups) visit the local charity shops (ours sells children's books 3 for £1) and stock up on cheap and cheerful bits and bobs from Poundland, Home Bargain, The Works, Poundstretcher etc.

When my kids were little, it was quantity over quality every single time.

Happy Christmas!!

[LadyDeadpool]

I have £100 to spend on presents for a 13 year old and 3 year old. They're doing OK out of that, £140 for 3 kids really shouldn't be a problem when you have food covered already.

Ebay, Wilko's, Poundland and Amazon have all been useful each year when we have the same budget. Amazon will have Kindle Fires on sale on Black Friday you could get the kids one of those each and still be under your budget so get some poundland goodies for stockings

I know it seems hard but you only have to do it once, I and many others have to do it each year.

[DNo]

I feel sick with the suggestions that I am a fraud.

Thanks to all with the helpful advice and to the others who have suggested that I focus on my mortgage etc I would tell you that I have a law degree, a 20 year career in the city and am now working in a fucking corner shop and behind a bar in the evenings. I have found myself in a position I NEVER expected to be in. Thanks Mumsnet for the judgement.

[Jinglebellsandv0dka]

Rather than going bsnkrupt which is extreme - have you thought about an IVA?

[JeanGenie23]

Children really don't need mounds of toys.

This year we are on a budget also, I have brought my dd 3 wooden cars from Tiger (£1 each) a wooden garage from Ikea (£10) and a couple of books from the book people website. She will also have a pack of golden coins, some Christmas socks (also from tiger) and maybe a colouring book (tiger- my favourite shop!) all for less than £23