To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

There are a lot of great craft supplies in Poundland, and get looking around charity shops for books. eBay and second ah s from amazing can work out at a great price too. Some are like new!
Then some 'main' presents that they've asked for.

I'm sorry things are a bit tight for you this year OP, but remember that for many their best memories of Christmas are the ones where they spent time with their families and not the presents Get out the board games, make some decorations, go walking in the woods, bake Christmas treats together, put some Christmas music on and make their Christmas special without the unnecessary price tag! I wish you all the best!

Get thee to Poundland. Bubble bath, a couple of toys, some craft stuff, sweeties (buy multiple packs and split them up for wrapping separately). Then on to the local library book sale for books from 10p. Primark for a new piece of clothing each.

Wrap up and hide them round the house...Santa dropped his sack, can you find your presents?

Reuse last year's decorations.

You can do this, without having to explain away the magic.

Sorry things are tough, but that doesn't sound like a really small amount for 3 children, not to me anyway. I understand it may be a shock though as your circumstances have changed. I would spend more on the older two as the smallest won't care/notice. The Works do some amazing deals (2 games/gift sets for a tenner, etc).

dno that's about £45 for each child, that's more than enough! I'd spend less on the 3yr old as they don't understand the cost of things. Get games/books/dvds/electronics second hand.

if they really do still believe in FC and ask why their friends got more just 'let them into the secret' that their friends' parents topped up their FC gifts using their own money and you couldn't do that this year.

My 3 year old will be fine I agree - he'd be happy with empty boxes as long as they're wrapped up ha ha! It's the 9 and 8 year old I am worried about as they will be discussing their gifts with their friends and will see they are getting I pods and consoles etc.

To the PP my daughter is a tall girl, in 10-11 clothes but thank you so much. X

It has always been the way that some children will get more than others at their schools. It won't make them think they're less deserving.

Thanks so much for the advice so far. Just off to make dinner - back in 30 minutes! X

dno you could probably get an older iPod cheap second hand if you shop around, Amazon is good for second hand bits, under the buying options they have a used section. Always been brilliant condition.

£140 is probably close to what I am spending on my 2 and that covers what they want.

If they are looking for ipads then you just have to say No.

For the 3 years old a playmobil piece worth about 25 and some bits from poundland will have them delighted and that leaves 55 each for the others.

Ok you cant get really expensive things but you can cover it off.

Some kids always get more than others and thats always been the way and always will be

Will your bank give you a mortgage break for a couple of months?

Paper round for DH before work whilst you stay in with the kids in the morning. Might only be £12 a week but you oculd get in 5 weeks before xmas so another £60.

does your nine yr old still beleive in father christmas? My nine yr old has just found out the presents come from us he had an idea anyway but we just confirmed it would your nine yr old be able to understand that times are tough and h/she can only have what you can afford.j

Oh god, no, you can't spend less on the eldest. If any of the three get less spent it should be the little one as they won't know.

For years my kids got clothes and books for pressies. The clothes were mainly from charity shops or bought the year before at the end of season sales. Books I'd buy like-new at charity shops.

The kids won't get electronics this year, but they'll be okay. The older two likely know things are a bit tight.

My kids (grown & almost grown) are very sensible about money -Christmas doesn't have to be a huge pile to be happy.

I think you need to change your family Santa strategy to help manage their expectations! Here he does stockings, if you're good, and sometimes things to share like as board game which is left in the fireplace. Other presents come from mum and dad, family and friends and it's great if they are home made. Great tips here already about saving money.

I think you need to worry less about what other children are getting and spend the time thinking about how you will spend your money. £47ish each is a decent amount.

But if you're hung up on an iPod you can buy a iPod shuffle for under £50 so you could get your eldest one (although the number of 9 year olds with their own iPods is not high).

eBay/cat boot sales etc - if FC is bringing, then you don't need the packaging. Especially not for the 3 yr old, I'd suggest size matters there and you could get some large things very cheaply. E.g. My DH sold a ride on digger and a tool workshop each for 99p on eBay.
So I'd not think about actual cost per child as such, more like what they think the cost is to them or no of presents each. Their calculations of fairness are different to ours.

I agree with others that you should spend less on the 3 year old. You don't want to put yourself under pressure, but could you do an iou for a special day out in the summer?

I agree with altiara, the number of presents is more of a measure to them than cost at that age.

Sorry, but something doesn't add up. Why on earth would you consider telling your children they hadn't been good enough for Santa to come. That's absolutely hideous and is making me question your whole post. How've you managed the last 2 Christmasses. Bad decisions along the way me thinks. Admittedly my post doesn't help you out this year at all but given the absolute mess you are in I would have thought Christmas would be the least of your worries. Keeping a roof over your chidlren's head is infinitely more important.

CEX have second hand ipods. I don't think I have ever paid full price for tech. It's all second hand or refurbed.

CEX would be my first port of call for an ipod. Do check the model is capable of playing the apps etc they want to play. Apple can be a bit naughty at times with not releasing updates for older versions. My poor nephew got a second-hand ipod and then realised he couldn't run Snap Chat on it which was all he wanted it for.

I told my children a few years ago that we have to send money to Father Christmas in order for them to get presents. They were wondering why some children don't get any presents (because they heard a radio toy appeal). I'm glad I did now as they are more mindful when asking for presents. You can do this. Home bargains is brilliant I got a word game in a pear shaped bag for £1.99 today, there are loads of cheap stocking fillers. Xx

My first Christmas with my daughter after I split from her dad I had exactly £24.50 to spend! Now granted it was 13 years ago but still... She didn't register a problem (I felt like shit for it but she was fine).

I knew things would always be tight for us so from early on our Santa brought the presents...but parents get the bill in January and not all parents can afford a big bill!

It also made Santa more believable.

We made Santa a key too as we didn't have a chimney. We left a carrot for Rudolph a choc coin for Santa (he's fat enough he doesn't need a big mince pie lol) and a glass of milk (I don't drink milk so this added to the belief and my daughter actually used this as 'proof' when a naughty older sibling of a friend tried to tell her the truth 'nope Santa always drinks the milk it can't be mum she hates milk' lol)

ebay, most of my kids christmas presents comes from there.
if you start looking now you can get some great second hand bargains.