To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

[sj257]

Oh and I got some bargains today, superdrug had lots of stocking filler type things reduced, got my daughter a notepad for £1, and a pack of 3 lipbalm sticks for £1. My daughter has also asked for a nail kit, got one for £8 at Asda, has 13 nail varnishes, spacers, gems, cuticle tools etc (she's just managed to grow her nails after biting them for years!). Yesterday in tesco I got a crochet kit for 88p and a star wars book for 50p. I bloody love a bargain ☺

[randomer]

does anybody ever look at and value all this shit in the wow pile?

[grannytomine]

Aldi have some nice things for the youngest, wooden train set or road set or fire station for £17.99. They would make a nice main present for him.

[DNo]

Granny I have bought my son the wooden kitchen from aldi as his main present. It was a great price!

Thanks again for everyone's advice.

[Jinglebellsandv0dka]

Hi Dno I've inboxed you.

[TheLittleRedHen]

I'm planning on spending doing Christmas re-making DS's Lego sets from previous years and playing Disney Trivial Pursuits, Dobble and UNO, having friends round to play said games with us and spending as much time as possible with our friends over the Christmas holidays. Presents include some cheap(ish) Lego sets, some books and some boxer shorts.

Last year, I got a tonne of playmobil off eBay, wimpy kid books from our local discount bookstore and a few joke books.

I tell DS that I have to buy the gifts and send them to Santa to bring as he can only make wooden toys in his workshop.

[OrlandaFuriosa]

Children, smallish ones anyway, tend to like opening lots of stuff, then focus on one present. So that's quite easy. I actually don't find pound shops all that cheap because, d'oh, it's a pound, unless it's for multiple toys.

And what's important to remember is that stuff doesn't have to be new, it's new to them. It's later when they like the glittery new cellophane from Superdrug. Don't forget a tennis ball is a very satisfactory stocking present: takes up space, encourages activity, if got as part of a package nit in a sports shop, cheap.

And also, we do " it's for Christmas and birthday" or " you can put your Christmas/ birthday money from auntie x towards it". Ds now expects to part fund techno gizmos. Saving/ thrift is good, even with low interest / inflation rates.

And if we buy eg sky tv, it's clear it's a family present to be shared. This shouldn't sound smug because I am simply hopeless at other areas.

But also don't forget that the thing children like most of all is their parents' time and presence. So not only can you explain that money is tighter this year because you're not at work, but this also means you have more time to play. Give the older two a couple of IOUs" : daddy agrees to take DC 1 to X , mummy agrees to make play dough and model with DC1. Or whatever.

On the general finance stuff, you've had lots of advice on here, don't forget to look on the food threads as well. You can cut your food bills massively and eat more healthily.

I've got to do a similar exercise as you as am no longer working, so up you want to have a companion PM me.

[DNo]

I've just reread all of the posts I genuinely appreciate them all even though some have been a bit harsh in my opinion but maybe I need a bit of a kick up the bum!

I just wanted to say that one of my posts read very wrong. I would never ever tell my children that they haven't been good enough to deserve presents. I meant that's how they would view it - i.e. they translate presents into how will behaved they've been throughout the year.

[PickAChew]

You taught them that, though.

[MissVictoria]

This is one of the things i hate about Christmas, people prioritise the presents, it's greedy materialistic and not what Christmas is supposed to be about at all.
Sit them down to watch the christmas carol, the muppet version, and explain that money is tight and they won't be getting anything expensive or lots of presents this year. If they still believe in Santa than maybe it's time to explain, at 8 and 9 they're old enough to know, and it will make it easier for them to understand why "Santa" got their friends games consoles etc and they got cheaper things. I don't have DC's, is £140 really that little to split between them? I second Ebay, but get looking now, there's typically a few sob stories on there about an item they buy on there being broken/not as described and they ordered too close to christmas (remember it takes at least 8 days after last estimated delivery date to get a refund, longer if you have to return the item) to get the money back in time to get something else. Also, if you do buy pre loved items from wherever, check them over fully before cleaning and wrapping so there's no christmas day let downs of something not working.

[DNo]

Thanks pickachew. I believe I've admitted that - we have had a very privileged life so far and I have already said that I have spoiled them, hence my post asking for advice on how to stretch our budget this year.

[DNo]

MissVictoria my older two expect one big present and 7-8 small ones due to previous years. I've bought them a bike, or an ipod. It's not really extravagant but looking back now I think I've overegged the pudding. I'm just worried that as they will only be getting 7 or 8 small presents (plus stocking fillers) they'll be worried they haven't been good enough and that will upset me.

[brummiesue]

Absolutely shocked that someone would seriously suggest a toybank for someone who has £140 to spend on christmas pressies

[frozenfairy123]

Personally I think the whole fc giving all the presents has got out of hand. 1 present from him is plenty. Tell your kids they are getting less as there are lots of children in the world that need more.
Maybe u have spoilt your kids in the past I know most of us do but £140 is still lots more than many kids get. Xx

[Cucumber5]

pool your relatives cash to buy technology.

150 is fine for three. We spend about 40 per child usually and the children are always over the moon.

the little one will have little expectation about xmas as he was only 2 the last xmas. he doesn't really have any idea about what his friends get.

xmas is about more then materialism.

[Cucumber5]

join freecycle and your towns facebook selling page. bikes scooters can be got cheaply. doesn't have to be new. even school uniform can be secondhand if you ask the school

[tighterthanscrooge]

OP your household income is much higher than mine. DP works full time as a chef and I'm a student nurse. We've spent £50 on DD1 (2 in January) and £30 on DD2 (4 months) we've also already bought DD1s birthday presents in the Argos 3 for 2 and I booked her party in June and paid it off weekly so that's all paid now. MIL and FIL bought us panto tickets as xmas presents and my mum bought us Disney on ice tickets as Christmas presents.
Buying things throughout the year and asking for experience presents such as tickets etc makes affording it all much easier. We are going to London aquarium tomorrow after sending off the tokens in the sun newspaper in August so that's only cost us £7 plus oyster fare and I imagine a macdonalds for lunch. You need to re think how you budget and plan for big expenses OP

[MidniteScribbler]

I'm just worried that as they will only be getting 7 or 8 small presents (plus stocking fillers) they'll be worried they haven't been good enough and that will upset me.

You still aren't getting it. You're worried about not buying enough, and not being a 'good enough' mummy, when you should be focused on teaching your children that they shouldn't expect lots of presents.

[Helloitsme87]

You and your DH earn exactly what me and my DH earn. Our 2 DC aren't in school yet and childcare is £250 per month.
Mortgage is £600. Were actually in a great position for the first time in our life so I am wondering how you are on the verge of bankruptcy.
Anyway as PP have suggest- Lidl, home bargains, the range, amazon. All great places to find bargains. Your kids will still have a magical xmas and it's a life lesson, can't always have what they want in life. It doesn't work that way

[wannabestressfree]

DNO what would you like to get them ideally?
I understand where your coming from.

[KC225]

I replied earlier with present suggestions only. Kindles/nerf gun/bow, minions space hopper for the little one etc.

I have read your updates and I think you have been treated a bit harshly. I do know how easy it is to rack up credit card debt on non luxuries. The catalytic convertor was cut out of our car one night (apparently it is very common according to the Police) and this wasn't covered by the insurance as theft means theft of the whole vehicle. It cost hundreds to fix my DH was a teacher at the other end I'd the county and couldn't get there by public transport. Our boiler broke unexpectedly. We had it fixed three times but eventually had to be replaced that costs thousands. It's these unexpected bills that cripple everyove financially. However, you have been given some good advice. Contact the debt agencies and try and get the credit card payments reduced even if temporarily. They would rather have reduced payments than have nothing. You are just going through a tough time at the moment, like millions of others but as you have said it will be easier once your little one is in school.

Another thing, it's ok to manage your children's expectations. You are not under obligation to provide them with everything. Say to the older ones we don't have a lot of money this year so you will be getting some presents but maybe not as much as last year. They will understand, children are more empathetic than we give them credit for. The little one will be delighted with his wooden train set. The older one with his kindle. You will have a great Christmas OP so will your family.

[Waltermittythesequel]

I think if the older ones expect tech, then that's what you should get.

As loads of PP have said, you can get a Kindle Fire for around £35 and you could get lucky on Black Friday.

The younger one is easy to buy "big" for on a small budget.

The 7-8 small presents can be done really easily!

This thread has been a real eye-opener for me. I won't post what I spend because it will probably derail. And I do think people in the UK tend to spend less/pretend about Santa less than people here...

But suffice to say your budget wouldn't be anywhere near what I spend on even one child so I completely understand how it would be a shock to the system.

It might be loads (and it's enough to give them a lovely Christmas) but it's so far removed from what you're used to, so you panicked. That's understandable.

[LIZS]

The hard truth is that you can afford Christmas , just not the one you romanticise about. And you haven't really been able to afford such for several years , hence the accruing debt. Downscale expectations and become more imaginative. Lidl have wooden toys this week which would be good for your youngest.

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

£140 is a decent amount, I too would spend less on the youngest as they are less aware at that age.
What I would say though is that your last post sounds pretty shit really, I get that you're not in a good place but there is nothing wrong with working in a fucking corner shop & in a bar, plenty of people do it law degree or not-you make it sound like it's beneath you when clearly it isn't

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

Ooops not your last post, skipped some pages & didn't get to the end for some reason