To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

So husband earns £34k. Wife has a law degree but not a lawyer and worked for 18 years in a City job until baby 3 came, the surprise baby. Childcare costs if full time work are the big issue. I remember when 100% of one our wages went on childcare for our new baby, 1 year old and 4 year old. The cheapest option was a daily unqualified nanny but it was worth it as a career investment as we both kept working full time.

If the wife's earning potential here is a lot more than the husband's on £34k shoudl husband be at home and wife at full time work or has the wife's career been shot to pieces by the time off and local paid work and lack of career progression since then?

I agree Marmite.

Surely one of the important lessons we can teach our children is not to expect 'stuff' and to appreciate gifts irrespective of amount or monetary value.

Yes, these children may know others who will be getting lots more but there are millions of children in the world who would love to have£40 spent on them.

The range and the works have a good selection of toys at reasonable prices

OP, you are getting a hard time, but I hope you are still here. Ignore the spite, it's not helpful. You do need help prioritising bills and debts, but you are not on the verge of bankruptcy if you do this right.
Please do go to MSE to get the help you need. If you need further advice here, but you need to choose a different board than AIBU, and think about how you ask for it - IMO you need budgeting advice more than Xmas advice.

The very best Christmas present that you and your DH can give yourselves and your DC is to sort out your finances properly. Speak to stepchange and other debt charities (look on money saving websites). Start writing down a list of all your outgoings and see what can be cut out or cut back. You can turn this situation around once you face up to it properly.

Thank you everyone. Just finished work and haven't read the last couple of pages but just wanted to say I appreciate the time and effort people have gone to for me. The advice has been well received.

I am off work on Monday and will have a mooch round the pound shops - they will appreciate the small bits and the packing things into lots of boxes like Russian dolls is a great idea! Kindle fire for my eldest is on the list - she'll love that!

If anyone has any specific questions regarding the validity of my posts please ask again as there have been a lot and I can't keep up ha ha! X

Regarding finances I know that £40k salary sounds a lot but we used to earn over £70k and got our mortgage based on this and we have £700 of debt repayments a month now. £1500 to pay before energy, food, phones etc. It's far too easy to fall behind. As I said, next year should be easier when the toddler starts school and childcare is cheaper.

You've had some great advice, which I won't repeat. I would be inclined not to tell them you're spending less as I wonder whether they would actually realise?
I don't usually spend a huge amount per child, whether 5 DC's it's not possible!
I would never worry about spending more on one than others, they'be never noticed. I've already bought DS2's main present 2nd hand which cost me £8. I tend to fill stockings with 2nd hand little toys and stuff from Poundland. I also put things in that they actually need like socks, pants etc to bulk it out.

Oh! Have you thought about a joint main present for all of them?

op if you do an IVF you will reduce those payments dramatically

Sorry IVA!

Hang in there OP, childcare costs sre crippling I understand! Personally I think 140 is pretty ok for christmas presents. I would spend £20.00 on the little one and £60 on the other two. It is definately doable!

Do they get other stuff from family? One year my son and dil were in a similar position and we just put our stuff in with the Father Christmas stuff and they never even noticed the difference.

Do you have any loyalty points for anywhere? Boots, Sainsbury's, Tesco etc as that could make a difference.

Studio are doing some great offers, I've ordered some stuff for my GC and it was really good value, The Book People also have some good stuff that is very reasonable.

It is a terrible time of year if you have money worries but please don't penalise the 9 year old, they will notice more than the 3 year old.

Just thought Sainsburys are doing a double up on Nectar next week and toys are in it so if you have a few pounds in nectar points you could double them up and get something.

I've given my advice on debt management, reading your last post, that's essential for you now, as that's too high a payment, plus it is probably all interest and not actually reducing the debts, that's why you need the charities' help to freeze/lower the interest so you start making an actual dent in it.

I've been where you are, and we climbed out, good luck with it all and I admire you for staying with this thread when you've had a lot of stick. I'm also going to get a Kindle Fire, if they haven't all sold out due to MN enthusiasm on Black Friday or whenever they are cheap!

Jinglebellsandv0dka IVA's seem to have similar long term implications to bankruptcy and affect employment opportunities too.

So you have around 1000 a month after tax etc? (but that is a rough calculation based on one person earning 40k and you won't be paying tax so it could be more)
Food is usually the easiest to cut back on.
Get your debt payments down until you can afford to pay as much as possible.
Set yourself a goal to not spend anything other than essentials for the first two months of 2017. If you can get to the end of two months you will be able to carry on for the rest of the year.

There are good threads on MN for cutting back on grocery bills. Some people manage to feed their families on next to nothing
It obviously takes some work but I think you are at the desperate stage if you are falling behind on the mortgage.

pissedoff they are hugely different. How on earth do they effect employment?

I'm sorry you're getting a hard time OP. Paying high childcare even on £40k is hard with no other help, which a lot of people have when they judge. Bargain hunting is the way forward, you get some good deals and stuff on eBay.
We get good salaries and I hate spending tons of money on new stuff.

Hope all works out now and in the future

ickle what do you mean 'no help'

Name - family/friends that help with childcare.

All our siblings/parents work full time. X

Op - I have ahuge amount of sympathy for finding yourself in financial difficulties, and worries about mortgage etc, but I am amazed that you think £140 is not enough for Christmas for your kids.

We usually buy a main pressie for £30-£40 and then smaller bits, sweets in stockings etc. Dd2's birthday was yesterday and we bouht her a Sylvanian's caravan for £30, she was thrilled and really pleased. You can get perfectly good presents, just not as big or as many as you may have had before. Focus on making a family day, play fun games, do new things - do Christmas Eve walk/drive to see local decorated houses. Put 'reindeer food' out on the lawn. Make Father Christmas 'snowy' bootprints with icing sugar in the hall.

Regarding finances I know that £40k salary sounds a lot but we used to earn over £70k.

Then you should have stopped spending based on the higher rate when you decided to have another child and stopped working.

Have you got a Tiger where you live? Nice presents for not very much xx