To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

Our joint income is less than £40k, we have 2 under the age of 3 in childcare. It would never occur to me to spend as much as £140 on presents, nor to think we are hard up. You'll be fine.

Burying your head in the sand won't help. You're making excuses. £140 can buy some decent presents if you're savvy. It's a fair amount of money! The fact that you can't see that says it all. You haven't fallen on your arse, you've made bad choices. Own it, learn from them and move on from this.

Graphista Thu 10-Nov-16 22:54:07
Wow! £40k £800 mortgage and pleading poverty?!!!!!

I'm out

if you have never grown up poor then how would you know how the other side lives until you get chucked in the deep end

i have been poor my whole life my parents would get toys out of skips ,i was raised how to be poor if you are raised in a middle class family thats what you would know .

but i will say this being on low income

i am currently wearing dozens of layers with a duvet ,no heating
i eat meat every few days its a luxury
i buy second hand clothes including school uniform
i buy clothes to last,mend myself and have worn the same few pairs of shoes for the last 3-4 years

this is normal to me but to a person whos not had to live like this then well its new for them and it will take them time to adjust .

Live and learn i say

Am I the only one who thinks £140 for Christmas is a lot of money?

When my dd was younger and making her Christmas list she understood not to ask Santa for too much as he needed room on his sleigh for presents for children all over the world.Our stockings at traditional,ie satsuma,choc coins, sugar mouse,t at from Hawkins bazaar,fluffy pencil,nutella and a DVD(charity shops are great for these).PJs and clothes that she needed we included in her presents.Have to say she never asked for any expensive stuff and knew that iPads etc.were never going to come as this sort of thing comes from parents and are not made by elves.
This year I will be doing the whole of Christmas for less than £140 and we will have a fab time.

Hi Op do you have a nectar card? It's double up bonus points starting 22 November. There are some good tech things like blue tooth speakers etc also as others have said B&M have some good tech like presents that may be suitable for your older children

You should be ashamed OP You are obviously wealthy, so why did you post this? Most families wouldn't be close to this budget. But most, even the more wealthy, wouldn't think about spending so much on Christmas

Are your Christmas presents from last year paid off? Don't add to your debt. It's no way to live.

Why not tell the dc that Santa has to make an urgent delivery to all the people affected by the recent earthquakes, the ones still living in refugee camps, the homeless all round the world, all those who lack basic food, clean water and medicines?

You may have less than you want right now, but you do have all that you need. You need to decide what is a priority, personally, i'd split the £40 between the dc and spend the £100 on xmas food and foody treats for all.

dontmindme1 , she has already got the money put aside for the food, that is not a problem .

You might be able to find a charity that bring presents to the children to people that are struggling. I know there is one that does just that by me. As my friend contacted them last year.

raymondo, she has £140 for presents. She is a long, long way from needing charity. Come on.

Hang on a sec - you pay £1400 a month for childcare? And you earn £600 per month? I think I see your problem.
I'm all for women continuing to work and dealing with high childcare costs in order to maintain your career, but this isn't your career. You are working in a shop temporarily until your kids are at school, and paying £800 a month for the privilege of working in a shop and bankrupting the family. That way madness lies.
Have I misread that?

I'm guessing that the OP is spending all disposable money on debt repayments. As has been said a million times on this thread you need to sort this. TODAY. Its no good stressing about money for Christmas when the debts are a problem.
OP if you are still reading I'm commanding you to either ring payplan or stepchange and then come back and tell us how much better you feel and that you have even managed to free up a little more for Christmas. If you carry on like this Christmas is the least of your worries.

pontification , the way I read it if she worked FT it would cost £1400 per month , by doing what she does now it costs £35 per week,.

I may be wrong but I think the OP has £600 after she has paid for childcare.
She made the comparison of how much she would have left after childcare if she went back to her professional job.

Does that mean she is earning 2k a month?

So she is on 24k a year?

34 + 24 = 58k.

Apologies if I am wrong op. The whole thread is very confusing.

Oh sorry. Thanks Flora.

Apologies OP.

Some harsh responses on here, you say 140 is a lot and in some cases it is but when there was a thread about how much people spend it varied from several amount some considerably higher.

Op might look like she ha a high income in paper but it depends on many factors where abouts in the uk she lives and her debt repayment plans. I don't think she post this to cause upsetment.

I hope the Salvation Army don't give gifts to families where the joint income is £40k or a lot of people will stop donating to them.

I am just drawing up the list of families in our school who will be referred to the Salvation Army Christmas toy scheme. Our branch will only take referrals from health visitors, social workers and people like me (home school link worker).

My starting point is families I've supported during the year and for whom I know Christmas is going to be hard financially (two families on my list have been bereaved of the main breadwinner). Some families are offered the support and decline it. With our branch, families cannot self-refer.

If the older ones don't have a console of any kind it's worth keep an eye at your local video game exchange place like xchange or cash converters or game. Last year I managed to buy my daughter a reconditioned wii for £20 and then I went round all the shops looking for games for it. I got some 2 for a pound and managed to fill a big glittery box from the works With the console and loads of games and shredded paper It looked like an amazing gift and she loved it.

£140 for presents for 3 children, one of which is a toddler, is plenty. £60 each for eldest two and £20 for the toddler. Don't focus on what you can't give them, but focus on what you can. Lots of family times, making memories. Christmas baking, magical walks gathering holly to decorate the house, board games. Sometimes less can be more. We fell on hard times ourselves recently and it was actually rather liberating to be de-commercialised as we simply couldn't afford all the 'things' that we'd become accustomed to.

Don't be ashamed to buy second hand if need be. Kids these days get so much, there's a lot out there that's been used very little and second hand doesn't mean tatty. I bought a nice iPod nano in immaculate condition for £30 on our local selling site.

Is it about your pile of presents "looking" big?

£25 kindle fire. Out of the box, charged and set up.
In a box
In another box
In a bigger box
Think Russian dolls!!! They'll have SO MUCH FUN opening them!
Put out a message amongst your friends and family. "WE NEED BOXES" we're happy to take your Amazon delivery boxes!!! There'll be boxes in the shop and the pub too!!!

And then toddler gets boxes to play with and they can all decorate the boxes using cheap Christmas tat!

I have a massive box of Christmas themed pom-poms, art supplies and TBH I need rid because the mum of the children I was putting it together for sneered at the idea. Where are you OP?

I think the OP did say a while back that she would get advice on debt management first thing on Monday. I'd call both Payplan and Stepchange and start working with one of them.

I'd probably only spend minimum on presents to be respectable and make children happy, not up to a set amount. So, for one of mine a Kindle (thanks for the tips guys, these have been amazing on this thread) and a stocking of 'bits' (including some things you actually need like pants, pens, as well as books, hair clips) would be fine. But we do get presents from family as well.

I wouldn't buy each other anything, I would spend the time sitting down and working with the debt charities to renegotiate your debts. It is hard work and a lot of hassle to do it, but legally, if you are making some repayment (can be as little as £1 a week) then no bailiffs can visit you. The charities will work out a budget of essentials which get paid first (so mortgage, council tax, utilities) and only then do you repay debts, and they will try to freeze or lower interest rates and agree a set rate per month.

I wouldn't go to a charity to get toys with £140 to spend between three, that's not actually very poor, but I would use the charities who help with debt management, as I've already said, because the issue here is not income, it's debt management and a touch of pride (you have to just admit you have stuffed up financially and ask for help).

I'm an educated person who has fallen on bad times!

No, you have not "fallen" on bad times. You chose to give up your career to have another child, and you chose not to go back to that career after maternity leave. Now you are whining that you "only" have so much to spend on christmas presents because you have still been spending like you had your previous salaries.

The first step is to actually own up to the fact that you have fucked up, and then start to move forward.

Honestly, you can do Lovely presents for that amount, Primark pj's, selection packs, books from The Works, WH SMITH do boxed sets for £5 and they always have lovely fact books for that too. Puzzles and drawing bits from TIGER, wilko's have great stuff, Poundland. Seriously, you can do them a big pile for £40 and they won't know any different. We don't do big xmases, we do big birthdays and I try to stick to £50 per child and it's always fine!