Man in the ladies loos AIBU?

[HairsprayBabe]

First apologies for typos or spelling errors I am on my phone.

I am currently at an even where 95% of the attendees are men. I just went to the ladies and saw a man coming out of the cubicle. I told him politely he should not have been in there. His response was "Fuck of love".

I am annoyed he was in the ladies in the first place but raging he felt he could speak to me like that! AIBU to think that men shouldn't go into the ladies loos?!

Sukey as I understand it you just have to say that you do and ta-da you are a woman.

The bathrooms (looks and showers) in my uni halls of residence were unisex, so after spending a year showering next to (initially) strange men with only a piece of plywood to separate us, shared loos don't seem that big a deal.

I wouldn't have said anything and his reply was rude. But - I would expect a rude reply these days (sigh) which is why I wouldn't have said anything.

Yes, you were completely within your rights to query it with him. I can't believe people are suggesting otherwise
I was told when I've accidentally wandered into the male loo last week (and sober too)
I went 'oops' not 'fuck off'
Agree or not, these are designated single sex areas.
** Just because you're absolutely fine with it being breached, doesn't mean everyone else is.

Sorry was in a keynote talk.
He dosn't appear to identify as a woman as far as I am aware.
Have tracked him down on the seating plan and he has a man's name so I haven't made a mistake that he was really a woman
I work in a ladish male dominated industry, networking events are important but really awkward for me as a woman due to all the "lad bantz". I feel if I approch him in front of colleauges I will get laughed out of the room.
A trip to the loos gives me five seconds of headspace in a day where I have been asked to get coffee for people 4 times and have been constantly inturrupeted.
Thank you for all your imput those who were helpful I know his company now so iI will email his boss and put them on my black list.
I do not want to change industry as I have worked hard to get here and I passionate about what I do.

He used the ladies because he was a man and can do what he likes.
He swore at you (and patronised you simultaneously) because he was a man and can do what he likes.

I completely get how you feel OP

"He dosn't appear to identify as a woman as far as I am aware."

Might have just been for the ten mins or so while he used the loo . For those ten minutes he was as much a woman as you or I. Apparently.

I'm sorry? You're going to entail his boss rather than talk to him directly?? That is so nasty.

HairsprayBabe report the incident to the hotel (or conference centre, or wherever it is you are), too.

I totally understand you not wanting to approach him. He's mob-handed there and I would not like to do that either. He was out of order, both in going into the women's loos, and in swearing at you when you objected.

Quick, tell the MN events team. They might want to invite him to speak.

She identifies as a woman and you were the rude one in assuming wrongly that she was a man?

Venus and

Basically you want what is says on the tin. Or the door.

I've never used a men's loo . I'd be embarrassed.

If I was really desperate I might.

I can't believe the lack of imagination of some posters.
Ok he was in a cubicle. But he had to come out of the cubicle. Many women would be shocked to see a man in the ladies- simply cos they ought not to be there. The majority of men using women's loos are harmless I'm sure. But there is a risk (which doesn't apply to women in men's) that they could be a peeping Toms (stand on the loo anyone, for a better view?) or ready to commit an assault while your back is turned when you are washing your hands.

That's why in service stations etc and men are cleaning women's loos, there is a notice TELLING YOU THEY ARE IN THERE. So you won't get a surprise or think they are a pervert.

There are unisex loos at Somerset House in London. It still feels a bit odd to use a loo where there are men coming in and out. And the loos don't open onto a corridor, they open into an enclosed room. They do have full floor to ceiling doors. The only thing I've noticed is that the men seem to clean up after themselves when they know a woman is using it- no wee on the seat or floor.

She identifies as a woman and you were the rude one in assuming wrongly that she was a man?

Don't forget OP, YOU were the rude one! Shame on you! Despite being told to "Fuck off love".

Infinite, assuming you're not joking (which I admit you might be), do you think the OP may have mentioned that the man in question looked as though he was trying to look like a woman if he identified as a woman?

I am sorry, you right a whole post on why men shouldnt go in the womans and then say

I haven't used a man's but If I was really desperate I might.

She identifies as a woman and you were the rude one in assuming wrongly that she was a man?

Are you being quite serious? You read the OP and that was the conclusion you came to, or am I misreading your post?

I'm still reeling about the misogyny of a man coming along a few posts after a woman has described how she was attacked in a toilet by a man who'd been hiding in a cubicle and saying "but of course that never happens in real life."

OP YANBU. Any reasonable excuse he might have had for being in the women's toilets was entirely vitiated by his aggressive response to you.

I can't believe you're going to email his boss.

If you have a problem with his behaviour, be an adult and speak to him about it.

If you think he has broken a rule, speak to the venue.

If you think he has committed a crime speak to the police.

What are trying to achieve by emailing his boss?

I caught a man looking over my changing cubicle door he was being a perv. This would easily happen if men started using ladies toilets.
Women don't want men in the ladies toilets just because we don't complain about male cleaners doesn't mean we are happy about it. Would we have mixed toilets at senior school?
I saw a man go into the ladies with his daughter and he stood outside the cubicle door I was really unhappy about this but didn't say anything

YANBU.

This is not okay (FYI posters - just because you are comfortable with a man in a woman's space, doesn't mean we all are) and I would email his boss as well. I don't know why all the faux outrage that you should speak to him first - you did, and he told you to fuck off.

We took over the men's loos at a women''s event, but we called through the door and waited for the man in there to leave first.

If I came across a man in the women's loos, and he just washed his hands and said, "really sorry, I was desperate, and the men's were all in use," it wouldn't bother me too much, because there's an implicit acknowledgement he's in my space and shouldn't be and is apologising, but swearing at me - that would piss me off. And if there weren't an event that was over 90% men, that would also seem unacceptable.

Was he the only one in the loo? Could he have been leaving someone in the cubicle?

For the record yes I was joking smacks own wrist for omitting obligatory