Man in the ladies loos AIBU?

[HairsprayBabe]

First apologies for typos or spelling errors I am on my phone.

I am currently at an even where 95% of the attendees are men. I just went to the ladies and saw a man coming out of the cubicle. I told him politely he should not have been in there. His response was "Fuck of love".

I am annoyed he was in the ladies in the first place but raging he felt he could speak to me like that! AIBU to think that men shouldn't go into the ladies loos?!

Of course Hermione is correct fgs.

Toilets are divided by sex, because they're provided for biological functions which differ between the sexes. Men and women have different genitalia which makes the mechanics of urination different between the sexes. Women menstruate, and use the facilities in public toilets to change or wash out their sanitary protection. Used sanitary protection needs sanitary disposal facilities. So yes, sex is relevant, while gender isn't.

And properly designed unisex loos are fine. However, it's completely disingenuous to pretend that women and girls are not at risk from being watched or assaulted by men / boys if there is nothing to stop them freely entering women's toilets.

I'm not saying that individual women aren't capable of violence. But the overwhelming number of violent crimes, particularly sexual violence, are committed by men. So women aren't "as capable" or we'd be doing it in equal numbers. And we aren't.

I'd have thought the number of women's prisons vs men's alone would be a clue, but as you say you're the expert. I'm just a woman who can count. And has eyes. What do i know?

I was at a concert a few weeks ago and a man wandered into the ladies, I said something like "oh this is the ladies!" In a breezy way and he blanked me, so I yelled at my mate (in a cubicle) that "there's a bloke in here! I don't know why!" She was quite miffed.
I then started singing the lyrics to the song glory hole. (Twas a steel panther gig) I'm pretty sure we made him uncomfortable enough that next time he'll use the loo assigned to him.
I don't want men in the loos when I'm changing my tampon ta.
On a side note, at work we have a number Lock on our loo. I work in a very male dominated workplace and they used to use it and leave piss all over the place. It got old so now we Lock the door.

To whomever asked about sexual offences specifically:

"In 2011, males accounted for the vast majority of offenders found guilty for sexual
offences (99.0 per cent)."
www.gov.uk/government/statistics/an-overview-of-sexual-offending-in-england-and-wales

Kingsized Nice. and people wonder why a man in the ladies might tell someone to fuck off rather than explain themselves.

Thing is as far as I can see from the number of people using the loos for toddlers of the opposite gender, debates over transgender toileting and insufficient disabled loos there is massive call for unisex loos.

And the scenario that the man has reason to be in the the loo is far more likely than he is there for nefarious purposes.

Or for sex of offenders more generally:

sorry should read using disabled loos for toddlers

Thing is as far as I can see from the number of people using the loos for toddlers of the opposite gender

Toddlers tend not to sexually assault and rape people, or make women feel uncomfortable by their presence.

debates over transgender toileting and insufficient disabled loos there is massive call for unisex loos

Agree with this. As well as seperate male and female toilets there should also be safe unisex toilets, which should not be the only disabled toilet with a new sign...

Toddlers tend not to sexually assault and rape people, or make women feel uncomfortable by their presence.

Quite Does that mean a man with a female 4 year old should take her into the ladies where he's mere presences could make women uncomfortable or the gents where men are actually getting there penises out.... (perfectly legitimately)

Sadly they all too often end up in the one disabled which is why I end up in the gents or DS in the ladies.

Given his response I'd say his most likely reason for being in there is that he's a boorish knob who thinks whatever he wants is the most important thing. It was probably the first loo he saw. It's irrelevant. He shouldn't have been there. I don't quite understand why some posters seem so invested in convincing us that actually he's somehow the hard done by one in this scenario.

I think there are a few of us that think challenging someone's choice of loo is as rude as his response.

I think it's called minding your own business.

But that may be coloured by the number of people I find who don't and my own disdain for gendered toilets.

I asked nicely first.
I don't want men in there. That's all there is to it. I'm not going to change my opinion.
Unisex loos are different. They are generally not as exposed.

This seems to be quite a thing. I've noticed it happening twice in the last month. I find it very arrogant, tbh. I mean, no woman is going to go in the men's loos, is she?

Toffee I appreciate you've encountered some tossers when dealing with your child and loos. But I don't think that's relevant to this. To say women can't challenge men in women's loos is not ok. Especially when people on this thread have shared stories of being sexually assaulted in toilets!

I think that the man the OP described wasn't accompanied by a toddler?

I think that most women would understand if a man was in the women's toilet accompanying a 4 year old girl. It's fairly obvious why he's there even if it isn't ideal. A man in that situation could also check if the women present are ok with it. I don't imagine he would tell them to "fuck off love".

This seems to be quite a thing. I've noticed it happening twice in the last month. I find it very arrogant, tbh. I mean, no woman is going to go in the men's loos, is she?

Is this sarcasm?

FWIW I am not challenging the fact he went in the toilet as wrong or right.
And I totally accept the argument for it being a private place for woman doing sanitary stuff. I also get the reasons for why some women may not want men in there.

What I do object to is the 'yeah it is wrong cause men are rapists, innit'.

Also, looking at context, this isn't a random man in a public loo hidden away.
The OP makes out as if it is a busy place such as a hotel which is full of men, so there may just have been no space in the mens and nothing more

YABU about a man in the ladies toilets
YANBU about being sworn at - but equally if you hadn't been being the toilet police you wouldn't have been sworn at

OutragedKoala can you say why you find it unreasonable to object to men in the women's toilets?

And supposing the "man" in the OP is a trans woman to male. Actually according to the toilets are sexed not gendered she should be there. or a butch female.

And I can we imagine if you are caught out with some medications you wouldn't care what gendered loo you were in if it was the nearest and had a cubicle.

Either might get sick of the asking in the same way I do.

So is it relevant maybe or maybe not. But personally I'd assume they had good reason to be there and leave them to do there business in peace.

IMO it's just a toilet. I could care less who comes in and out of them. I've used mens loos and disabled toilets when there's been a big queue for the ladies. People get too hung up on these things.

The sooner all places have proper safe unisex loos the better (single cubicle, floor to ceiling door, opening into a public/open space). Then all these issues and discussions would be resolved.

To be in the position where women cannot challenge an apparent man in the women's toilets seems wrong to me. I doubt many trans men or women who present in a very masculine way would respond with a "fuck off love", but I could be wrong of course.

Does anyone actually really believe it was a trans?

Koala does that include women who've been assaulted or spied on by men in women's toilets?

If I went into a toilet and was worried about a man being there I would leave. I don't get what the issue is. Unisex toilets for the win