Man in the ladies loos AIBU?

[HairsprayBabe]

First apologies for typos or spelling errors I am on my phone.

I am currently at an even where 95% of the attendees are men. I just went to the ladies and saw a man coming out of the cubicle. I told him politely he should not have been in there. His response was "Fuck of love".

I am annoyed he was in the ladies in the first place but raging he felt he could speak to me like that! AIBU to think that men shouldn't go into the ladies loos?!

But you are disregarding the feelings of the carer who is also female.

And you are disregarding the feelings of the disabled male who may well be more comfortable in toilets of his own sex, and you are disregarding the feelings of all of the women who may be in the womens toilet.

I'd have said, "right back atcha," but that's not really helpful, is it?

There is no answer that will please everybody, so it comes down to the least-sucky option. One woman accompanied by an adult male in a male space or several lone women in a female-only space... the latter 'win'. Using the men's is the reasonable and right option.

I don't agree. I think people should make their own decision. Life as a parent of a profoundly disabled child is difficult enough.

I like to consider other people in my decisions, not just myself.

I'm not sure why this has been turned into a row about where disabled people and carers should go to the loo, it isn't relevant to my OP.
Healthy non disabled men who have no l reasonable need to should not be using the ladies loos why is that so hard to agree too?

I agree with that Hairspray.

Totally with you, Hairspray. Did you email the boss?

Problem is actually you have no idea whether there was a good reason or not. If fact unless you saw a willy you are only assuming he was biologically a man.

And if he did have a reason, chances are its personal so I'm unsurprised fuck off was the response....

Of course you may be entirely right and hes sole reason for being there was to make women feel uncomfortable.

But personally I think that's the least likely reason for him being there

No am still at the conference not back at my desk till tomorrow, trying to work out how to craft it without sounding like a precious tattle tell.

Toffeelatteplease More likely he didn't consider that women would be uncomfortable, and didn't care when he realised.

HairsprayBabe I would frame it as being concerned that a representative of that company was acting so unprofessionally and aggressively at a work function, and say if I was their manager I would want to know. Which is true.

He said he was having "a fuck of love". In the cubicle?!

Toffeelatteplease - Your straw clutching is embarrassing. I'm cringing on your behalf.

If he has a "good reason" which is doubtful as there was no child etc, the onus is on him to provide it. Not be abusive. He shouldn't be in the ladies' toilets.

Waaaa nasty women being horrible to hypothetical men with disabilities and health problems and small children. Most venues overcater for men and undercater for women when it comes to toilets. It's not women's fault that there aren't enough facilities that cater for mixed sexed pairs who need to use toilets together. Maybe some men's facilities could be adapted.

Op definitely complain to his boss, his behaviour and manner were threatening and personally I think it makes it worse it was at a male dominated event as any woman he encountered was likely to be on her own, which can be very intimidating in itself.

They are not hypothetical.

Your straw clutching is embarrassing. I'm cringing on your behalf.

I'm sorry but that's a style of debate I really can't engage with. Happy to discuss issues but that level of personal I find just unpleasant.

Toffeelatteplease if we (the readers) cannot even be sure this man had a willy (according to you) how can we know that his 'sole reason for being there' was not to make women feel uncomfortable.

We can't.

I'm loving the idea that this was a transman, who passes so perfectly that they are working in a male-dominated industry, saying, "fuck off love" and acting like an entitled douche-bag bloke, but using the female loos.

Or, they have some reason to be there that is not assisted by the close, non-queuing, male toilets available in the venue.

I hear hooves, I think horses, not zebras.

And I wouldn't actually mind an adult male with a female carer in the female loos. I do mind a man with enough wherewithal to attend a conference telling women to fuck off in the one available space that is free of men.

Not so much one straw man as a battalion of them.

I am 47 years old with virtually no pelvic floor

I have never been in a ladies toilet with any of the below

1. a transman

2. a woman that looks like a man

3. a man

4. a man that Presents as a woman

I really feel like i maybe missing out

It doesn't really matter if he was trans or anything else - whether or not he had a valid reason, that does not excuse him swearing. It is quite possible to respond in a polite manner when challenged, whether you're there legitimately or not. Women have been scialised to do that forever.

And if it had been a woman who responded aggressively to some question, then it would be as reasonable to complain to her manager, because they're in a professional context - if it was late Friday night at a bar in town, being told to fuck off might be par for the course then.

Obviously he shouldn't have been rude. But what is the problem with s man being in the ladies? Presumably when anything other than fully clothed all involved were in separate locked cubicles?