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AIBU?

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Original poster

Absolutely fuming

235 replies

AldrinJustice · 06/11/2016 16:28

Only posting on here for traffic.

Parked up in a car park and the owners of the car in question had seen me return to the car on my own with a baby on my hip so they obviously could see who was driving it. Was in the car with DD (14month old) Scraped someone's car as I was leaving the car park, owner of car was standing having a chat next to the car with his sister and bro in law. I didn't notice as I left, only noticed the whole family's reaction so I stopped not far from them and got out.

Immediately I realised what had happened and went over to the damage (had to leave DD in car seat) but - and this is what has me angry - the whole family, so that includes owner of car, his sister and her husband start yelling and shouting at me before I've even had a chance to say anything. It was a small scratch to the back bumper of his car.

I apologised yet his sister carries on her Tyrade of verbal abuse, saying horrible things like don't you use your mirrors, are you stupid, and some crap about how I drive a car worth £2k I told the owner to tell her to stop because I'm trying to talk to him and she's getting involved, and the owner says "no, I'm not saying it, you tell her" - all this is happening while my DD is in the other side of the car crying because of the shouting, they can all see her But don't stop. Owner of car wants my details but I said I'll take photos first.

Got back into the car, calmed DD down, called up dad and DH to come help, obviously am shaken at this point. Got back out to take photos but DD started crying again so I take her out on my hip while trying to take photos, family standing there just watching me, owner of car sneers at me and says "did you call the police or something" then laughs.

I finish taking my photos and sit in the drivers seat with DD on my lap and the door open, DH calls me and I answer but then spent the whole phonecall arguing with owners sister who feels like she has to start on me again shouting crap at me about my observation skills! I had to shout back at her this time to tell her to piss off as it's not her car, not her concern, I'm talking to the owner not her.

I've apologised, I stopped, I was going to give my details, I even offered to pay for the damage if they got a quote from the garage, yet again all that was happening was this arsehole of a woman can see I'm on my own with a baby but decides to make this whole ordeal harder for me. Accidents happen. Shit happens. I just do not understand it.

I'm now trying to feed DD a fruit pot as she's roaring hungry, has a dirty nappy but I couldn't change her. DH and dad arrive and DH gets out the car and asks who was shouting, at this point, sister and her husband get into their own car and drive off. Absolute cowards! Dad starts taking photos while DH starts arguing with the owner of the car about why they were all shouting at me but owner now wants to talk about the car and the damage!

Anyway we have exchanged details but is it a bit silly to report this altercation as verbal assault to the police? If I had my DH or someone else with me or at least not had DD with me then at least I wouldn't have been so shaken up but I was on my own and they were a family of 4 adults. I followed the relevant procedure for a RTA and it's not like I drove off. I just don't know what to do I'm so angry and so upset that this has happened. The damage to the cars isn't even a concern anymore like I said I would pay or go through insurance but I'm more upset about how they've gone and spoken to me about the whole thing. The car park was packed so plenty of witnesses but didn't get anyone's contact numbers for statements.

I'm sorry I don't know where I'm going with this post I'm just so upset. Now I have to find out what route's the best to take to deal with the damage but I don't even know where to start with that

OP posts:
GinAndTunic · 07/11/2016 20:06

the OP herself reported it, too, after it was pointed out to her

It makes me wonder what the OP said to the other people in the incident as she seems to be happy to point fingers at other people but doesn't seem to be very aware of her own language.

Enidblyton1 · 07/11/2016 20:10

What awful obnoxious people, OP. A small scratch to a car does not warrant that response.
No point reporting, because nothing will happen. But I totally sympathise.
Avoid that car if you ever see it again!

Jemers · 07/11/2016 20:11

If someone drove into a stationary car in a car park I'd assume they were a pretty shit driver, tbh. And if they drove into MY stationary car I'd be less than impressed. Not sure I'd go for a 'Tyrade' of abuse, but you'd get fuck all sympathy simply because you had a kid with you.

I am more of a lurker than a poster normally but cannot believe the abuse directed at OP. Accidents happen and nobody deserves this level of abuse (from the people at the scene of some of the people on this thread!) It was a small car scrape not a fatal accident! People need a real reality check. A stressful enough situation but made far worse by having to calm down a young child,

HeCantBeSerious · 07/11/2016 20:14

Accidents happen

By somebody not paying attention. Accidents are caused. They don't just happen.

GoodEnough1 · 07/11/2016 20:31

Maybe this is a little bit off the wall but are you sure you did actually hit their car? Just thinking of something that happened to someone I know...

CauliflowerSqueeze · 07/11/2016 20:36

My advice is not to spend a second more of your time on that pathetic bitch.

HeyOverHere · 07/11/2016 20:45

a group of people gobbling off at an individual with a child are pricks.

The child is irrelevant. You treat people reasonably and kindly or you don't.

These people were twats, but it sounds like there's two sides to this, and we're getting one very narrow side. I look at it this way: I'm standing by my car. The car next to me backs out, scratching my car, and proceeds to begin to drive off! OP even admitted she only stopped because of their reaction, which is understandable. I'd be yelling, too, if someone did that right in front of me and tried to take off! I don't know that they didn't realize they'd done that. I don't know how you can connect with another car and have no clue about it.

OP is at fault, the other guys were jerks, no one's a winner here.

Pritchyx · 07/11/2016 20:48

they were completely unreasonable to you - I work in the motor trade and we get calls all the time about minor bumps or people scuffing their cars in supermarket car parks... I've reversed into the trolley lift on the back of a lorry as I didn't see it despite looking in my mirrors and over my shoulder... He had a go. No damage to him but to me. He had blocked me in even though there is a spot directly next to the shop for lorries.

It happens. If it's a scuff or a scratch then it won't cost more than £100 at most. It'll be buffed out. If it's deep then it'll need filler and a paint pen.

You did the right thing by remaining calm, taking photos for proof and stopping at the scene. You could've just drove off and left them with the damage and to pay for the repairs themselves! Inconsiderate arseholes!

Hope you're okay OP. Xx

hungrypanda2008 · 07/11/2016 20:54

Got to say my first reaction was - did you actually hit the car? Sorry, call me cynical but I wouldn't always believe particularly by their OTT reaction. Also I must say the most abuse I ever have had in my life has been when I have had a baby with me - usually whilst walking down the street doing nothing. It's like you're vulnerable so people can say what they want. So I can just imagine how vile they were to you. I do not agree that because you supposedly scratched their car they can be intimidating and vile to you - would we accept such excuses from our children or young people? "Oh I was angry, so it was ok for me to be intimidating and aggressive" I think not. Try not to think about it too much - I'm great believer in karma.

Reebs123 · 07/11/2016 20:59

Poor OP. U didn't deserve the abuse but remember they only picked on you because you were alone as they ran off with your dad & DH arrived, the cowards. Try & forget about it.

GabsAlot · 07/11/2016 21:03

yes u are liable even in a car park someone did it to me drove off and the police went to their house-they admitted it and was passed to insurers

Reebs123 · 07/11/2016 21:03

Also what hungrypanda said. & Snap! I've had 2 women telling me to walk In front of traffic & die when I was pushing my baby in the pram. They act like the pavement belonged to them. I think I was in shock & so upset at the time.

Pumpkin2010 · 07/11/2016 21:13

Haven't rtft but these people sound like bullies who saw the opportunity to pick on someone who was alone, while they had 'back up' so to speak. I always feel a little more vulnerable when with my kids in these types of situations as your first worry is them, especially if the situation is becoming heated.

Don't waste your time worrying about that stupid woman. Yes you clipped the car, it's really not a huge deal. They sound like shitbags anyway driving off when your DH and dad came.

No idea why people are focusing on 'how you managed to do it'...surely that's missing the point of the OP?

cheekyfunkymonkey · 07/11/2016 21:16

Brew I hope you are ok OP, sounds like a horrible day. I just wanted to second advice to go 100% through insurers and avoid further contact with the people involved.

Peace4ever · 07/11/2016 21:36

Come on, look at the bright side...You have a husband and dad that came over and rescued you... I know other people who are maybe single with kids and don't havee a family around them, and are constantly exposed to abuse as a consequencce. Next time just wait inside the car until they come.... Don't allow other people to dominate you! Be happy

mummytosixx · 07/11/2016 21:40

So you clipped a car and didn't realise - whoopie do aren't you just the driver from hell 🙈 Forgive yourself we all do silly stuff especially when brain is partially focussed on a toddler in the back - there is not one mum here who hasn't done something a bit daft while caring for an under five - I once went to ATM, put in my pin, selected "withdraw £200" - baby started choking/coughing on a snack - walked away and left £200 in cash machine dispenser uncollected 😆 I've got 6 children and I've had a lot of daft moments over the past 16 years - like I said - not one mother here hasn't - don't believe the hype 💋💋

gillybeanz · 07/11/2016 21:45

They were horrible, but the fact you had a baby was irrelevant. Why should it make any difference Confused
I had to shout back at her this time to tell her to piss off as it's not her car, not her concern, I'm talking to the owner not her No, you didn't.

I'm confused OP, you needed your dh and your Dad because you were so badly shaken, yet you shout at the woman and tell her to piss off.

which verbal abuse do you think the Police would be interested in? Yours or hers.
You're having a laugh and your story is full of conflicting comments.

gemma19846 · 07/11/2016 21:54

What an awful day and an awful situation. They sound like big mouth bullies. I would of been really upset too if id of been on my own with my young daughter and probably would of rung my other half or dad to come and help too! I wouldnt report it to the police though, let the insurance handle it so you do not have to deal with them. Have a nice hot bath, try to relax and remember that tomorrow is a new day

HeCantBeSerious · 07/11/2016 21:56

It happens. If it's a scuff or a scratch then it won't cost more than £100 at most. It'll be buffed out. If it's deep then it'll need filler and a paint pen.

Multiply that by 10 on my car. How dare you think it's okay to damage someone else's property.

HeCantBeSerious · 07/11/2016 21:58

So you clipped a car and didn't realise - whoopie do aren't you just the driver from hell 🙈 Forgive yourself we all do silly stuff especially when brain is partially focussed on a toddler in the back - there is not one mum here who hasn't done something a bit daft while caring for an under five - I once went to ATM, put in my pin, selected "withdraw £200" - baby started choking/coughing on a snack - walked away and left £200 in cash machine dispenser uncollected 😆

Insurers used to believe that having children made parents drive more carefully. Now they load for policies if you have children.

Your example didnt affect anyone but you. If the OP gets so distracted by her child that she can't control her car, perhaps she should stay home.

Emberfirefly · 07/11/2016 22:06

Hecantbeserious are you Alexa? You sound very hysterical to be honest, I don't think anyone suggested it was okay to damage someone else's car.

Lozzamas · 07/11/2016 22:16

Hecan'tbeserious, insurance does not change the rating on your policy if you have children. A) they don't generally know- it's not a question on the proposal.
B) it's not an ABI rating factor so can't be used for car insurance premiums.
If however you allow you children to distract you whilst driving, that is a moving traffic offence and the police can report you for it.

Cookies2015 · 07/11/2016 22:16

How awful OK that you were treated like that and with your baby with you. I can understand why you felt threatened and called for help I would have reacted the same.
Hope your feeling better now

ManOfKent · 07/11/2016 22:17

I'm staggered at the lack of sympathy for you and the ridiculous advice to 'toughen up'. I can only think that those people would react like your abusers did rather than feel announce if sympathy for you.

  1. I'm a man, so I KNOW cars - but it's only a bloody CAR!
  2. Accidents happen and an apology and offer to pay should be enough for Amy reasonable person.

A year ago a raging idiot ran towards me in Tesco car park because I'd parked with my car bonnet 'just' a foot from his boot - Way too close for his precious Nissan ponce mobile. I swear to God if I'd not unfolded my 6'5" frame from my car he'd have ripped my head off..... and 6'5" or not it's SCARY!

  1. They are psychopaths or sociopaths and don't feel guilt or empathy. We have to live with them, but we'd all be happier and safer without them.

YANBU!

DeleteOrDecay · 07/11/2016 22:18

Insurers used to believe that having children made parents drive more carefully. Now they load for policies if you have children.

What a load of rubbish, I have never been asked whether I have children or not by a car insurer.

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