Absolutely fuming

[AldrinJustice]

Only posting on here for traffic.

Parked up in a car park and the owners of the car in question had seen me return to the car on my own with a baby on my hip so they obviously could see who was driving it. Was in the car with DD (14month old) Scraped someone's car as I was leaving the car park, owner of car was standing having a chat next to the car with his sister and bro in law. I didn't notice as I left, only noticed the whole family's reaction so I stopped not far from them and got out.

Immediately I realised what had happened and went over to the damage (had to leave DD in car seat) but - and this is what has me angry - the whole family, so that includes owner of car, his sister and her husband start yelling and shouting at me before I've even had a chance to say anything. It was a small scratch to the back bumper of his car.

I apologised yet his sister carries on her Tyrade of verbal abuse, saying horrible things like don't you use your mirrors, are you stupid, and some crap about how I drive a car worth £2k I told the owner to tell her to stop because I'm trying to talk to him and she's getting involved, and the owner says "no, I'm not saying it, you tell her" - all this is happening while my DD is in the other side of the car crying because of the shouting, they can all see her But don't stop. Owner of car wants my details but I said I'll take photos first.

Got back into the car, calmed DD down, called up dad and DH to come help, obviously am shaken at this point. Got back out to take photos but DD started crying again so I take her out on my hip while trying to take photos, family standing there just watching me, owner of car sneers at me and says "did you call the police or something" then laughs.

I finish taking my photos and sit in the drivers seat with DD on my lap and the door open, DH calls me and I answer but then spent the whole phonecall arguing with owners sister who feels like she has to start on me again shouting crap at me about my observation skills! I had to shout back at her this time to tell her to piss off as it's not her car, not her concern, I'm talking to the owner not her.

I've apologised, I stopped, I was going to give my details, I even offered to pay for the damage if they got a quote from the garage, yet again all that was happening was this arsehole of a woman can see I'm on my own with a baby but decides to make this whole ordeal harder for me. Accidents happen. Shit happens. I just do not understand it.

I'm now trying to feed DD a fruit pot as she's roaring hungry, has a dirty nappy but I couldn't change her. DH and dad arrive and DH gets out the car and asks who was shouting, at this point, sister and her husband get into their own car and drive off. Absolute cowards! Dad starts taking photos while DH starts arguing with the owner of the car about why they were all shouting at me but owner now wants to talk about the car and the damage!

Anyway we have exchanged details but is it a bit silly to report this altercation as verbal assault to the police? If I had my DH or someone else with me or at least not had DD with me then at least I wouldn't have been so shaken up but I was on my own and they were a family of 4 adults. I followed the relevant procedure for a RTA and it's not like I drove off. I just don't know what to do I'm so angry and so upset that this has happened. The damage to the cars isn't even a concern anymore like I said I would pay or go through insurance but I'm more upset about how they've gone and spoken to me about the whole thing. The car park was packed so plenty of witnesses but didn't get anyone's contact numbers for statements.

I'm sorry I don't know where I'm going with this post I'm just so upset. Now I have to find out what route's the best to take to deal with the damage but I don't even know where to start with that

[SlottedSpoon]

The woman was a twat. Small prangs happen all the time, it's annoying and upsetting but unless you were driving without due care and attention and causing a danger to others it was hardly worth her going off at the deep end for.

She was completely unreasonable.

But you were also unreasonable for needing to phone your DH and your Dad for help. You are a grown woman for goodness sake. It was a small scratch, no injuries. You should have just ignored the ranty woman, apologised to the car owner, calmly given the owner your insurance details and left. Done and dusted in under 5 minutes.

[Bargainqueen]

What a shame op. I get why you called for support, you felt vulnerable and quite rightly so. You did the right thing taking pics etc and I hope you have calmed down now. I don't think the police would do anything as it's he said she said, but I will say that I've been seriously considering buying a dash cam. You can get them quite cheap now. If you had had one of them and had the verbal abuse recorded at least you could have taken it to the station to see if they would have done anything. I have no idea if they would've but you would have had something solid to show them.
I hope it all goes smoothly for you from here on in, but seriously consider the dash cam. You never think you need one until things like this happen and sadly abusive behaviour is happening much more xx

[Totallybonkersmum]

If, god forbid, it happens again, because the likelihood is statistically likely (unless you never drive!) hence we all have to pay car insurance every year, next time just hand them your registration number and a phone number and take photos. Then go. That way you wouldn't have had to listen to the tirade from people like this ever again, as you would have complied with all the legalities concerning this incident.
I once had to rescue a very young friend from a similar situation. I took photos with my camera phone. Exchanged details, then I made her leave. Ironically it was the other person who was at fault, legally. He was trying to get himself of the hook and bought out of his car some very flashy photographic equipment with different lenses! Very intimidating!
We did inform the police as I felt it was unfair that he was really intimidating her, shouting at her and accusing her. They gave him an official warning.
Btw, you can be charged for verbal assault. My DS was after an altercation with me. I couldn't get a word in edgeways or prove that his accusations were truly unfounded. He yelled, made accusations and I felt physically threatened, having been a punchbag before.
I left. Someone, and I don't know whom, informed the police. They wanted to arrest DS immediately. So yes, in short, you can be charged for verbally assaulting someone.

[HeCantBeSerious]

Axa ask. Swiftcover ask.

[HeCantBeSerious]

All of the admiral companies ask (not based on occupation).

[Lozzamas]

As a rating manager - I have to check these regularly I have just done a quote on the 5 top companies - none asked about children. Maybe your occupation triggers it? It didn't on mine - saying you're a homemaker for instance?

[HeCantBeSerious]

Newsflash Lozz - maybe yours doesn't but some other companies do.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Having children has been asked on every single insurance quote search I have done online for the last 10ish years.

[Lozzamas]

He can't your wrong I'm a Motor Rating Manager at one of the Insurance companies you mention as I've already stated having Children is NOT a rating factor and is not asked.

[AldrinJustice]

Thank you all for your replies and personal experiences, just wanted to update everyone, the guy called back (managed to record the phonecall incase he started saying anything again) to inform me not to worry and that he wiped my car's paint off and just had to buy some paint pen from Halfords and go over the white scratch.

Said thank you and that was the end of that phonecall.

[Meluzyna]

There are some vile human beings out there. In the OP's case she was "in the wrong" but that still doesn't excuse the over the top reaction.

My Ma-in-law was minding her own business in her home in the middle of the countryside the other day when a group of ramblers with dogs and children came past. One of the dogs jumped the fence into Ma-in-laws garden, into the penned off chicken run and mauled a chicken to death.
When Ma-in-law went out to find out what was going on the man with the group told her to fuck off back into the house and watch the telly as she was a stupid old woman to make a fuss about a dead chicken.

Some people are just full of bile and hate.

[DeleteOrDecay]

Oh do get a grip No one died because their car got a minor scratch.

[DeleteOrDecay]

So? It's true that accidents do happen, humans make mistakes sometimes. That's not condoning anything that's just stating a fact of life. I scratched a car at 17 just after I'd passed my test, I was mortified but I did pay for the damage to be repaired, just like any decent person would. You live and you learn.

It's how its dealt with on both sides that matters.

[DeleteOrDecay]

The general acceptance that it's really easy and forgivable to accidentally
drive cars into things is terrifying me

Nobody has said that Just that there's an appropriate way of dealing with it and trying to intimidate, bully and threaten is not the way to go.

[Velvian]

I think you should report OP. They should not be allowed to get away with that behaviour and it would be equally unacceptable if this happened to a lonely man and child. Yanbu

[Mlb123]

Wow! Who do some of the posters think they are on this thread. Criticising the op patenting and calling her an attention seeking wimp. It was an accident and the people continually shouting at a lone woman with a baby were out of order

[AmritR212]

Don't listen to the negative on here. You know which comments are unhelpful to your situation/question.
Accidents happen and you got out and tried to resolve the issue by whatever means. The way they/ she reacted just shows how people have obviously been brought up and their backgrounds (ohhh judgy judgy).
The same happened to me. Except I was sat in the stationary car with my dd. When the whole family incl MIL got out to check the damage he had caused on 'my' car!!!
However, when he started to talk I understood that he was apologetic and reasonable so it was resolved i.e. We exchanged phone numbers ( he asked if he could pay for the repairs).
Simple - god forbid they ever found themselves in this type of scenario.

[HeCantBeSerious]

On a more dodgy note, since there are no witnesses you can always say you didn't do it
Until they get hold of CCTV footage......

[HeCantBeSerious]

hubby accidentally reversed at exceedingly slow speed into a car behind him (in a car park and the car in question had just joined a queue that extended behind our car)

How come he didn't see the other car?

[Lindsxxx]

We had this once, it was a few years ago now so I may be wrong on a couple details but hubby accidentally reversed at exceedingly slow speed into a car behind him (in a car park and the car in question had just joined a queue that extended behind our car) anyway, as in your case - tiny scratch but the man jumped out of the car and instantly started being verbal, we had our two kids of about 8 and 10 in the car. Hubby kept his cool and gave the driver his details, we rang our insurance when we got home and for some reason that I don't recall now they advised us that he would have to claim on his own insurance and would have to pay the excess (which since we never heard from him again we assume must have been more than the damage lol) so for all his gobbiness (and he was vile) he got nowhere lol we had offered to pay to have it fixed and he was too busy swearing so haha to him.
On a more dodgy note, since there are no witnesses you can always say you didn't do it. I used to work with people who had had accidents and the amount of people that got away with it after swapping details and then saying they'd not done it was phenomenal!!

[DeleteOrDecay]

Shouting the way they did at you was uncalled for but at the end of the day all you had to do was ignore it, take pictures and swap details, would have taken 10 mins tops!

And all they had to do was not act like a bunch of bullying buffoons and let op exchange details in a calm and civilised matter. Put yourself in the position of being yelled at and feeling threatened with a small child in tow, would you seriously have been 100% composed and able to act as you say the op should have reacted? If so then good for you, shame we can't all be so perfect

I'm not surprised op felt this was a 'major accident' given the massive over reaction of the car owner and his bullying family members.