Ear piercing WWYD

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Hi all. Not really an AIBU but a WWYD.
DD is 3, 4 in March. She has expressed multiple times over the last month or so that she would like her ears pierced as one of her Xmas presents. Now I will admit that I have done something in wrong by nodding along and saying ok without speaking to DH, this is because we ALWAYS said that we wouldn't get it done just because we think it's looks pretty but that when she starts saying she wants it (if she ever did) then she can. Admittedly I should have checked first.
Today we were having a conversation about Xmas presents for her and I said, "well one present is her ears pierced so we can buy her some earrings to unwrap" he then starts to explain that he didn't actually think we were doing it and that it turns out when she had said it to him about doing it at Xmas he had been saying we'll see.
So his reasoning is that 1.He doesn't actually think she understands what she is asking for and that she doesn't realise it will actually really hurt (she is quite a sensitive emotional child) and worries that as she is quite fickle she won't understand that it doesn't just go away when she gets bored of it. No.2 He in general doesn't like it on children so young but admits that if No.1 wasn't an issue for him then he wouldn't mind No.2 IYSWIM.

My issue is that I have now told her she can (I know I know) and she is going to be really upset. We've left it as we'll discuss it again early December but I know were going to be back here. WWYD?!

Just tell her you have decided she is too young and that you will discuss it again when she is older. personally I would wait until she is old enough to take care of her ears post piercing so around 11 plus.

Personally i think 3 is way too young, they don't fully understand that it will hurt, that they require aftercare, and that allergic reactions, infections etc can happen.
I got mine done at 7 (by a piercing gun, NEVER get it done anywhere but a proper piercing/tattoo shop with a NEEDLE, NEVER EVER at a Claire's for example) and had nothing but trouble.
It hurt, they throbbed for days, and despite having twice daily warm water salt baths, they stayed permanently infected leaking pus that would be crusted up stuck in my hair every morning. Turning them hurt, and trying to get them back in after the inside of the holes swelled up when they were removed to be soaked clean was AGONY.
One day they just would not go back in, so after lots of tears, blood and pain, we decided to let them heal up.
I tried getting them re done a few years later, thinking maybe i hadn't cared for them properly. Again, done with a gun, which can't be sterilised and can pierce the bacteria right into the piercing with the jewellery. No surprise, exactly the same outcome, infected from day one regardless of time and effort to keep them clean, and never healed. Now i know why this likely happened i wish i had never had it done, as my lobes are a mess. You can see the scarring from the old hole (and it should never have been re done over the previous piercing but it was, because the "staff" at places who use guns have no training about piercings) and they look a mess. I can't have them re done properly by needle because there's too much damage.

On top of these issues, lots of the cheaper fashion earrings for children aren't made from hypoallergenic materials like stainless steel and titanium. Gold and silver aren't pure and contain enough nickel to cause allergic reactions in a pretty high percentage of people, and the plastic ones are just nasty. Decent piercing jewellery is expensive, especially if you want fancy styles with gems.

IMO anyone that gets a babies or toddlers ears pierced should be investigated for child abuse, it's inflicting unnecessary pain and suffering on the child who has no say in what you're doing to them.

In my own personal opinion, the age limit to get it done should be no lower than 8 with parental consent (so the child is old enough to properly understand what it entails), and around 14 without.

I think it's fine, generally, but I think your DH also has a point, so you have to come to an agreement, one way or the other. You can't really pierce DD's ears if your DH is against it.

I agree that MN is very anti-piercing. I don't think that generally mums are as much against it as they are here.

There is a risk that things will not go well (ears infected, ear studs not coming out easily etc), so you should be prepared for that. If you're happy to accept the risk, then the benefits of having them done early is that young children are not anticipating the pain and quickly forget about it. If you're pretty sure that your DD will have them pierced at some point, then doing it early and the child not fully understanding the pain is a bonus, really.

My DD kept asking for earrings since she was about 4, and we've gone for it just after her 6th birthday at the beginning of the school holidays. We went to Claire's and it was done with a gun. Not perfect, I agree, but not that painful, we had no major problems and no regrets. My DD totally wanted to do it, was very brave, didn't cry. Falling asleep with earrings on was hard on the first night, DD was very aware of them and would prefer to take them off for the night if she could. Then it was 6 weeks of looking after the ears - gently rotating the earrings and disinfecting them twice a day. Not a pleasant process, from the child's point of view, and best done when the child is at home (not in school or nursery). She also missed swimming lessons for a while.

Getting out the starter studs after 6 weeks was utter pain and after trying many times with no luck and some tears, we bought eZ-Release remover which did the trick. Our second earrings snapped in half inside the earlobe at one point and we went back to the healing process for a few weeks. Really bad luck. Since then no other problems apart from losing earrings in school - DD lost three pairs so far because PE teachers ask her to take them off and she doesn't always remember to put it somewhere safe.

My DD likes her earrings, and I like earrings myself, so no regrets at all. Yes, it's not all easy, and the initial six weeks of healing take some patience and effort, but from our point of view - it's worth it. Right now DD is 9 and can take earrings in and out all by herself, and she loves it.

With regards to your possible exit strategy right now - can you tell your DD that you asked the lady at the piercing shop about it and she recommends doing it during summer holidays because they heal better in summer. Would that work as a delaying tactic?

I have a dreadful nickel allergy - my white gold wedding ring had to be cut off me the day after the wedding. I had no issues until
I had my ears pierced, with a gun and 9ct gold studs, aged 11.

Tacky. Even tackier when it's a bald baby with gold earrings. Same people who put those massive flower headbands on babies like they're some kind of doll.

Personally think they need to be able to make an informed choice and do the aftercare themselves. We have just allowed dd (very sensible) 10 year old. She is first in her class and know some friends are but feel fine with it. As Dh said 10 is age of criminal responsibility so she is old enough to decide this one we felt.

Fwiw the very professional owner of local beauty salon who did dds ears refuses to do under 8s as she personally feels it's wrong.

Tell her she can have it done in 10 Christmases.

Learn to say NO. She's only 3 now and if you can't say no to a 3yo you've got big problems in the future.

Hahaha RoundandAround that was me. I was bald until I was 4; I liked my earrings, they made me feel "girly" when I had no hair unlike my friends.

I really find this whole anger on this thread baffling. But I'm from a different culture

I find this ear piercing debate with such a young child so baffling. Is it weird that my DD is three and has no clue what an earring is really? She's occasionally touched mine if I've been carrying her but she wouldn't have the first clue about ear piercing or what it entailed?

Like it or not OP, you will get a lot of people who will see the earrings on such a young child and will (even if they don't verbalise it) automatically class you as tacky and rough for getting them done. I can't imagine anyone looking at her ears as they are now- as they are indeed meant to be- and thinking anything about them whatsoever. If you are happy to accept that and don't care what people think then get them done.

I'm not adverse to earrings my DD was 7 but 3 is still young and unless you're certain she won't kick up a fuss with cleaning and stuff I would wait another year

away why is it baffling? Different cultures isn't it? In the UK we're really moving towards the concept of not doing things to our children's bodies without it being medically indicated. That includes piercing ears as small and insignificant as it may seem.
Personally I find the idea that wearing earrings seems to be seen as an intrinsic part of being female somewhat baffling but I put it down to cultural differences.

Just read a bit more of this thread and all the horror stories. DD was 7, in year 3, when she had them done in Claire's, with a gun. For context, we are very middle class, she's at prep school and was a long way from the first girl in the class to have her ears pierced. I don't think that there were many in reception and year 1 but now that she's in year 6 the girls without pierced ears are in the vast minority. I'm going to have a look at the younger girls tomorrow but I'm pretty sure that there are loads from year 2 with pierced ears.

PS: despite a Claire's piercing she has never had an infection, any pus, any soreness and it's even! Funny that

Well noeffingidea I had no hair until I was 4, but only properly from 6/7. Long hair and hair care is culturally intrinsically linked to being "female".

Having my ears pierced marked me out as a girl not a boy. I hated being confused for a boy and my parents didn't put me in dresses a lot so it was an easy mistake one which upset me a lot as a child. So maybe it is worth understanding "why" a 3 year old wants to have their ears pierced.

This thread is gold. How does a 16 month old ASK to have their ears pierced? Let alone understand and remember the concept of pain.
Let's just ignore my complete and utterly jealousy of a baby's diamond earrings.

My nearly 3 yo has no idea if anyone has ever confused her for a boy. She has very little hair and has been called "he" before now, even when she has been wearing all pink. When she is called a boy, I just subtly correct them. I shan't be piercing her ears to avoid confusion about her sex.

away long hair isn't an 'intrinsic' part of being female at all. Males and females are equally capable of growing their hair long. It's just a part of our culture - that more females than males have long hair. It can vary between different social groups/societies.
That's why I mentioned it. It would never have occurred to me to look at my baby daughter and think 'she's a girl therefore she's bound to want to wear earrings when she's older so I'll get them done now'.
I can understand why you wanted your ears pierced, and it's good that you are happy with them, but in your parents position I would probably have just dressed you in feminine clothes. (I understand it's a pain when people keep asking you if you're a girl. It's a pain for the parents as well .

Another one saying don't do this.

I had mine done when I was 7ish, since all my friends were. Mum and I followed all the aftercare but they still got infected. Imagine having to sleep on infected flesh for weeks on end.

Then I had them done again when I was 13, again because all my friends had them (I hadn't learnt, clearly). Guess what happened?

I now have ugly holes on my ears that I can't wear earrings in because of the scarring. It was my choice and we live and learn. But if I had these because my mum had made the choice for me at 3 (since 3 year olds can't make informed decisions about this) I would think she was irresponsible to say the least.

My parents got my ears pierced when I was 6 weeks old. As soon as I was old enough. She did the same with my sister.
I didn't touch them and was fine.
If you have them done young enough you don't know any different and you simply grow up with them.
I'll be unpopular for saying this, but if I ever have a daughter I will be getting her ears pierced as soon as she is old enough.

And it didn't hurt me, my mum told me I didn't even cry

Had mine done when I was 6 which was my own choice and in the summer holidays but remember a few places mainly jeweller's refused to do them think their age was 9 or something.

Guess depends on your child,you know what she's like and if likely to play around with them a lot etc.

And it didn't hurt me, my mum told me I didn't even cry

Where there's no sense there's no feeling. ;)

DD was 5 DD2 was 3

It's earring

Not a big deal

Most have them eventually

DD13 has 5 holes now - it's just earrings