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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ear piercing WWYD

191 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 05/11/2016 16:41

Hi all. Not really an AIBU but a WWYD.
DD is 3, 4 in March. She has expressed multiple times over the last month or so that she would like her ears pierced as one of her Xmas presents. Now I will admit that I have done something in wrong by nodding along and saying ok without speaking to DH, this is because we ALWAYS said that we wouldn't get it done just because we think it's looks pretty but that when she starts saying she wants it (if she ever did) then she can. Admittedly I should have checked first.
Today we were having a conversation about Xmas presents for her and I said, "well one present is her ears pierced so we can buy her some earrings to unwrap" he then starts to explain that he didn't actually think we were doing it and that it turns out when she had said it to him about doing it at Xmas he had been saying we'll see.
So his reasoning is that 1.He doesn't actually think she understands what she is asking for and that she doesn't realise it will actually really hurt (she is quite a sensitive emotional child) and worries that as she is quite fickle she won't understand that it doesn't just go away when she gets bored of it. No.2 He in general doesn't like it on children so young but admits that if No.1 wasn't an issue for him then he wouldn't mind No.2 IYSWIM.

My issue is that I have now told her she can (I know I know) and she is going to be really upset. We've left it as we'll discuss it again early December but I know were going to be back here. WWYD?!

OP posts:
SpareASquare · 06/11/2016 09:05

OP, it seems obvious to me that it is YOU who wants them and I'm sure your dd thinks its a grand idea as well. Asking for them for Christmas?
I'm sure you are going to get them anyway, and really, its noone elses business but at least own your part in this 'request'

DonaldStott · 06/11/2016 09:06

I reminded her of a recent falling over and pinched her ear lobe to show her

Lovely stuff

WinterIsHereJon · 06/11/2016 09:07

When I was three (and older!) my mum used to buy me packs of stick on earrings in different colours and shapes. I loved them - I could play at being a grown up without permanent results. I don't understand the rush.

DonaldStott · 06/11/2016 09:14

I've been telling my DH about this thread and he has the following opinions;

Tell him thanks a lot Confused

PrincessHairyMclary · 06/11/2016 09:19

My parents always said that I could have it done in the Summer break between Junior and Secondary, it was something to look forward to and a sign of growing up and getting older, as it happens I didn't want them done then and when I expressed fleeting interest the rule was I could have them done in the Summer break so they were healed ready for school in the end I didn't get them done and the only piercing I have is my belly button I got done at 18.

My2centsworth · 06/11/2016 09:31

*Ear piercing is cultural. In a lot of cultures it's expected small children will have their ears pierced but this isn't usual for most of the U.K.

I think that's why a lot of people are saying don't do it. But OP, if your daughter wants it and you don't have a problem with it, i think she'll be fine. It will hurt briefly and then she'll forget it.

All these horror stories of pus and problems are from people who regretted it. Lots of people have their ears pierced with no issues. Just tell your kid not to fiddle with them with grubby hands*
^ this is so true, I never even knew there was such an issue before MN (like many other things) it is so culturally common here and the school issues are not the same.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 06/11/2016 10:36

Otherwise what are a load of strangers doing telling you that you're a bad parent or how to raise your child. You asked what would other people do, you didn't ask them for parenting tips.

Umm... Hmm The OP asked for opinions. Opinions are being given. That is what MN is for. No one has said she is a bad parent, just that they don't approve of ear piercing in such young children.

roarfeckingroar · 06/11/2016 10:38

WAY too young. 13 yes. 3 hell no.

hummingbird100 · 06/11/2016 11:27

I was 12, I nagged from the age of about 6 as a few girls at school had pretty coloured studs. My mum always said no, then surprised me on my 12th birthday by asking if I wanted them done. I had them in the back room of a H Samuels free by a trainee, with a gun, and fainted. They were fine overall though. As an older teen/adult I also had the top of my ear done, my tragus, belly, and nose - all still in now apart from my belly stud which I took out aged 29 when I was pregnant.

I really think 3 is too little, I'd be so scared of them pulling on her clothes and hurting her, or getting infected. I love both piercings and tattoos (I have 6) but if any of my DC wanted them doing it wouldn't be so young.

TaliDiNozzo · 06/11/2016 11:27

A three-year-old simply can't make an informed decision on this. They just can't. The cultural argument doesn't hold up either....'it's cultural' is not a valid excuse for doing anything you otherwise wouldn't be doing.

Just wait until your DD is old enough to make her own decisions and take care of her own piercings (summer before secondary school is quoted a fair bit). You don't need to put bits of metal in a small child's ears to make them look pretty.

littleflamingo · 06/11/2016 11:29

I had mine pierced when I was a baby (gold round baby's earring) and I did the same with my DD. She has gold and diamond baby earrings. Never infected and she didn't even cry.

But I know I'll be judged by mothers when they see my lovely DD with diamonds and I could care less about other people's jealousy.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/11/2016 11:57

They're not jealous of you, flamingo Hmm.

And it's "couldn't care less".

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 06/11/2016 12:07

SuburbanRhonda

Freudian slip maybe? Grin

roarfeckingroar · 06/11/2016 12:25

It really isn't jealousy flamingo

AwayinthePlanet · 06/11/2016 12:30

My DM pierced my ears herself while we were both in hospital after I was born. If I have a girl hopefully DM will agree to do it again for her DGD.

I find it bizarre the extreme languages used on here to talk about pierced ears on small children.

Every girl in my class at school started school with pierced ears. I grew up abroad; I really don't get the moral panic about it.

gettingbythistime · 06/11/2016 12:35

Jealousy Grin is this a wind up?

HamletsSister · 06/11/2016 12:49

My pierced ear "wore" through over time and I ended up having plastic surgery to correct a split ear lobe.

I was in my 20s.

Why not find the latest, must have, toy and give it to her instead? You can tell her that you have decided she is too young and she needs to be 11, or whatever.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 06/11/2016 14:37

My DM pierced my ears herself while we were both in hospital after I was born.

You know, when my DD was born, sticking holes into her perfect little ears was the last thing I wanted to do. Hmm

kierenthecommunity · 06/11/2016 15:06

Just tell your kid not to fiddle with them with grubby hands

Well that should be a doddle Grin

DonaldStott · 06/11/2016 15:12

Jealous of baby diamond earrings Grin

noeffingidea · 06/11/2016 15:32

I agree it's often a class based thing in the UK. My Mum didn't allow me to have them done, so I paid for them myself, wore earrings for about 15 years then took them out and dont miss them at all. My inlaws (white Eastenders) were very surprised I didn't have my baby daughter's ears pierced, to them it was totally normal. I do think overall it's seen as 'chavvy' in the UK, though of course there are cultural variations.
Seeing as the OP has asked 'wwyd' I personally would just say no, and stick to it. It's the parents decision, certainly at this age.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 06/11/2016 15:42

I won't pierce children, because quite aside from the hygiene/infection issues that come with small kids fiddling with newly pierced ears, I like my customers to be able to give fully informed consent. A child is unable to give that. For me, the parent providing THEIR consent isn't enough.

AwayinthePlanet · 06/11/2016 15:45

Haha BeingaTwat it's kinda hilarious to me. I was a very cherished baby to my DM; only child and all that plus she was actually a neonatal paediatrician at the time of my birth. She rather considers piercing my ears a sign of her love to me.

KC225 · 06/11/2016 17:02

I had my ears pierced (with a needle at a chemist) for my 13th birthday when I was old enough to take care of them. My 9 year old daughter has asked once and I said when you are 13. She accepted it and hasn't mentioned it again.

As others have said, 3 is way too young. At 3 my son wanted a penguin (live). It's easy to change the attentions at 3. Get her some stick on earrings. Pound shop had frozen ones during the summer.

Laughed hard at the 'jealousy' over baby diamond earrings.

spankhurst · 06/11/2016 17:15

My main reaction when I see very young kids with their ears pierced is a mental 'Eeeeeew!' For several reasons.
Please wait until she's old enough to actually understand what piercing really entails and can do the aftercare herself.

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