Ear piercing WWYD

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Hi all. Not really an AIBU but a WWYD.
DD is 3, 4 in March. She has expressed multiple times over the last month or so that she would like her ears pierced as one of her Xmas presents. Now I will admit that I have done something in wrong by nodding along and saying ok without speaking to DH, this is because we ALWAYS said that we wouldn't get it done just because we think it's looks pretty but that when she starts saying she wants it (if she ever did) then she can. Admittedly I should have checked first.
Today we were having a conversation about Xmas presents for her and I said, "well one present is her ears pierced so we can buy her some earrings to unwrap" he then starts to explain that he didn't actually think we were doing it and that it turns out when she had said it to him about doing it at Xmas he had been saying we'll see.
So his reasoning is that 1.He doesn't actually think she understands what she is asking for and that she doesn't realise it will actually really hurt (she is quite a sensitive emotional child) and worries that as she is quite fickle she won't understand that it doesn't just go away when she gets bored of it. No.2 He in general doesn't like it on children so young but admits that if No.1 wasn't an issue for him then he wouldn't mind No.2 IYSWIM.

My issue is that I have now told her she can (I know I know) and she is going to be really upset. We've left it as we'll discuss it again early December but I know were going to be back here. WWYD?!

Comparing ear piercings to tattoos is a bit extreme.. for a start a tattoo is illegal if
Your under 18, ear piercings are not. & it's not the parent doing it for vanity. It's the child wanting it done. If my dd came to me when she was 3 or 4 and asked to have them pierced then I would definitely consider it. It is in no way at all similar to a laser gun or a bloody tattoo. I have no idea why some people are disgusted by it. as long as they are old enough to understand it will hurt & be sore and it's the child that would like it done & not the parent, then I don't see the problem.

It's just an example that just because children ask for something and really want it doesn't mean it's appropriate/ a good choice.
Children ask for things - doesn't mean they get it. It's not their decision.

It's a pointless question to ask on here because people are always split into thinking it's fine and people like me who thinks it's horrible.

OP obvs things it's fine and is trying to justify it to herself and will prob do it regardless what anyone on here says anyway.

It was my helix, which I believe has a lot of blood vessels in. The first one didn't bleed at all. About 3 years later I had a second one done about a cm lower - this one bled.

Ds1 had his ear pierced when he was 15. I had to go with him as he wasn't quite old enough himself.

TBH I wouldn't let me children get it done till they were in secondary school. But that's just me.

It's a no from me. I got mine done at 11 and again at 16. Both guns, both caused me a tonne of issues. I never wear earrings now.

I used to wear magnetic earrings. They are amazing. I would recommend although you will have to make sure she doesn't fiddle with them.

I don't see the problem.

Get her some from Claire's. They have clip on and magnetic earrings which hurt after a while so get removed.
I told dd (12) that piercings hurt even more. She is yet to have her ears done and is able to be like the other girls on special occasions.

The school argument is a good one.

They are an absolute pain at school. They can't wear them for PE or swimming, so you have to take them out for those days. That can mean 3 or 4 out of 5.

I don't think they should be done till the child is old enough to take them out and put them in themselves.

Disclaimer: I hate to see small children with pierced ears.

I don't mind pierced ears in children. It if you're going to do it young they need to be babies so they won't keep touching their ears and will let you clean them properly. DD wants her ears find big she'll need to wait until at least 7/8 (maybe longer) when I know she can properly understand the pain and why she has to keep them clean.

MerylPeril whilst other people come here with an opinion that is entirely different to others, it seems that all you have don't is come here and try and insult. I can assure you I definitely live in a very middle class area and yes a lot of people do get their children's ears pierced , different parts of the UK, different ideas, we don't all follow the same blueprint, as others have pointed out I also don't think it has anything to do with class.

Stating that I'm just going to do it anyway, if you had bothered to read through my posts I have stated that this thread has now made me think differently and I am now unsure.

Thank you to the people who have written informative posts as this is what has made me think again.

Prepared to get flamed but not only do I think pierced ears look horrid on young children I also thinks it's horrid of parents to put their children through that pain. I live in a middle class area and very few children I know have them done so really shocked at the high numbers quoted here.
Fwiw my four year old would not even know what pierced ears are to ask for. Seriously OP don't put your DD through this

I know you say where you are it is fairly common (as in lots of people have pierced heir child's ears young) but that isn't always the case.

I work in a very mixed, larger than average-size infant school.
Background info of school to show that this is not just a very specific type of school:

• 270 children, approx half are girls
• minority ethnic groups is over twice the national average.
• EAL is well above average - 12+ languages spoken by pupils in the school
• Below average for Pupil Premium
• SEND and School Action+ more than double of what is usually found
• about 2 miles outside of city centre, urban, university town, Yorkshire area

In my current Y2 (6/7 year olds) class - 2 girls have their ears pierced. 13 do not. In the EYFS classes I teach (60 children in total) one girl has pierced ears. In the other 4 classes I teach (so 120 children) it is 1-2 child per class. All girls.

So less than 10% of the girls in the school have pierced ears - aged 4-7. So it isn't very common at all in my experience.

My dd got hers pierced when she was 3. She had been asking for months, she understood that it would hurt and that they needed looking after. She was very grown up for her age. My other dd is nearly 3 now and it's not something I would even consider, she is still like a baby in many ways and wouldn't understand what she was really asking for or what would result in having it done. I've always had the view that babies are an absolute no and that children should be at an age where they want it doing and fully understand what is going to happen.

This is definitely a MN/white middle class thing.
Asian and black children often have them done as babies.
I can't actually bear to do it my 1 year old until she's older but have had numerous comments from my family about why I haven't had them done/when I'm doing them. We all (sisters/cousins/friends) had them done under 1.
I don't like the idea of the pain/infection thing as well the faff of them anyway but the way people are treated/referred to on here for having them done is always so bloody OTT.

crystalgall Sat 05-Nov-16 19:38:15
This is definitely a MN/white middle class thing.
Asian and black children often have them done as babies.

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From my school example above, almost all of the children with pierced ears are non-white British girls and most had them pierced outside of the UK.

My DD has asked since she was 6 to have pierced ears. DH and I have agreed she can have them done in the summer between finishing primary and starting secondary. We figure it's then a marker to her of growing up and big change (that's if she still wants them pierced then!).

Given the H&S issues as well as the pain and it's permanency we wanted her to be that bit older if she has them done.

I definitely would not have been agreeable to any of my children having it done under the age of 8 or 9 but even then I still think that's young hence waiting til she's 11.

Please please don't do it.

She can have her ears pierced when she is 12, 16 whatever.

I was too timid to ask if it was a cultural thing, bet it is. No mums I know in my working class area get our girls done before 12.

That's when I let my DDs get their ears pierced Note3

Only 2 girls in DDs class with pierced ears 9/10. Definitely frowned upon until they are older. Most mums insist on waiting until high school. I had to wait until I was 16. Seems to be a class based issue. DD has never asked but I wouldn't be keen until she's 12/13.

she's fucking THREE. are you the parent? grow some fucking balls and say no if you don't want her to have them pierced. jesus

I had my first ear piercing at 15. I really wanted it, but it still blood hurt and needed after care.
Can three years olds make that decision (or any decisions).. no they
can't.

Why would a three year old ask to have her ears pierced?
I'm not dancing around this topic now now as it doesn't happen.

I wouldn't go ahead with it. Not just because I don't personally like to see young children with pierced ears, but because DH is against it. You should both be in agreement first.

I had my ears pierced for my third birthday. I remember it being done, with a needle not a gun, and I remember my mum cleaning them everyday until they healed. I also remember how pleased about it I was, showing them off in nursery.

I asked for it over a long enough period of time that my parents decided it was what I really wanted.

Interestingly about 20 years later, (and after I'd had my eyebrow pierced) I found out that my parents had completely changed their minds about the whole thing, my dad in particular had decided all piercings were barbaric.

Personally I probably wouldn't allow it. But who knows, if I had a daughter and if she seemed, like I did, to know what she wanted... I don't know.

Definitely no guns though, and not at Claire's.

Personally I think this is a wind up, I know, I know, but I know a lot of under fives and none have ears pierced and none (at 3/4) beg to get them done. They just want Frozen dresses.