Ear piercing WWYD

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Hi all. Not really an AIBU but a WWYD.
DD is 3, 4 in March. She has expressed multiple times over the last month or so that she would like her ears pierced as one of her Xmas presents. Now I will admit that I have done something in wrong by nodding along and saying ok without speaking to DH, this is because we ALWAYS said that we wouldn't get it done just because we think it's looks pretty but that when she starts saying she wants it (if she ever did) then she can. Admittedly I should have checked first.
Today we were having a conversation about Xmas presents for her and I said, "well one present is her ears pierced so we can buy her some earrings to unwrap" he then starts to explain that he didn't actually think we were doing it and that it turns out when she had said it to him about doing it at Xmas he had been saying we'll see.
So his reasoning is that 1.He doesn't actually think she understands what she is asking for and that she doesn't realise it will actually really hurt (she is quite a sensitive emotional child) and worries that as she is quite fickle she won't understand that it doesn't just go away when she gets bored of it. No.2 He in general doesn't like it on children so young but admits that if No.1 wasn't an issue for him then he wouldn't mind No.2 IYSWIM.

My issue is that I have now told her she can (I know I know) and she is going to be really upset. We've left it as we'll discuss it again early December but I know were going to be back here. WWYD?!

Next time she asks I'd say 'we'll see' and over my dead body would she get the done age 3.

I think 10 is an appropriate age.

Ds2 wanted his doing when he was about 6. I was about to get my upper ear done for the second time, so I took him (and ds1) with me to a shop with a piercing and tattoo place above. They sat outside the room with the door almost shut, so they could talk to me, but not see. It only took about 5 minutes.

Obviously my ear bled for about 1/2 hr after, and funnily enough he didn't want his doing after that

Please don't do it. I was that three year old, my Dad took me out for the day and brought me home with my ears pierced. I remember trying to pull them out because they hurt so much. My Mum was constantly cleaning them and yet they became horrendously infected. I can still remember screaming because of the pain. I remember the g.p shouting at my Mum for piercing my ears, he made her take the earrings out and I was put on antibiotics. My poor Mum got the blame but it was my Dad who took me, he wanted to get one of his pierced and used me as an excuse!

As an adult I can only wear platinum or good quality gold earrings (allergy to cheap metal) but choose to only wear earrings on special occasions. I can't remember the last time I wore earrings! My seven year old daughter asked to have her ears pierced last year, I explained how painful it could be and I showed her videos of children having their ears pierced. She decided there and then that she wasn't ready.We use magnetic/ stick on or clip on earrings and we have decided that once dd is at least ten she can decide herself when to have them pierced.

My girl is 11 and I still think she is to young. However I persuaded otherwise 6 months ago.

It just doesn't sit right with me.

Just to clarify and to weigh in on the working class vs middle class we live in a very middle class area and my DD attends a similar nursery so I don't think it's a difference between classes.

To the poster who said why ask if you've already made your mind up, if you read through my posts inactually said on more than one occasion this thread has made me think about it differently and now I'm not so sure. I would never do it without DH approval and I don't see him budging anyway.

• I was persuaded

mummyto2monkeys Wow that's horrible I'm sorry you went through that and your poor mum got the blame, that's awful!!

Get her some clip-on earrings for dressing up. Job done.

Haven't read the full thread but think I'm in the minority here.
I always wanted my dd to have pierced ears as I really like how they look. I couldn't face taking her as a tiny baby though.
Soon as she asked for earrings I allowed her. At 16 months old 🙈 I explained to her that it would really hurt and she'd have to stay really still which, bless her, she did. It was done with a needle and she didn't cry, just said ow after the first one so I gave her her dummy and she was fine for the next one.
She was looking in the mirror after so happy with herself! Now she's 3 and loves picking new earrings. I cleaned them regularly and we've never had a problem with them.
When she starts school I'll take them out each morning and put them back in afterwards.
Please don't flame me as we all have different opinions. Most girls in her nursery have them done.
I think my views on the matter stem mainly from having to wait till the grand old age of 7 to get mine done 😂 I had begged my mum for years at the time and I was the only girl in my class who didn't have pierced ears.

Notso - just out of interest, what was it you had pierced? I ask because I've recently had my tragus and conch but neither bled at all!

Am I abnormal or are you?!

My daughter will have to wait till she's 14.

I've noticed the earrings they tend to have are much smaller than in the 70's 80's . Like tiny dots. I dont see little girls in creoles or anything similar! I still think that taking care of them at 7+ is better than 11 - when they think they know it all.

Tell her that you asked in the jewellers/ shop and they only do it for children above a certain age (this might be actually true)

Soon as she asked for earrings I allowed her. At 16 months old 🙈 I explained to her that it would really hurt and she'd have to stay really still which, bless her, she did

How at 16mo was she able to understand that it would hurt? My DD at that age knew pain but only in the instant it was happening. She understood a lot but couldn't possibly understand this.

The UK seems (to me) to be the only country that attributes class to this issue. In the US it can be done at the Doctors office. All types of families do it - same with nail
varnish.

I have loads of piercings, so when I was expecting DD many asked if I would get her ears pierced. My answer is a firm no until she is old enough to look after them herself.
It's not a class thing. My ears were pierced by my grandmother when I was 6m. They are now wonky which I covered by stretching at 18. My mum waiting until my DSis was 4. They were infected constantly until they gave up 6m later. She repierced them at 19.

I also say needle over gun piercing as gun uses the earring itself to make the hole causing blunt trauma. What about magnetic earrings?

I'd say no.

My DD has been DESPERATE for a tattoo since the age of 3 - strangely she's not getting one

She doesn't get to make the choices - you do

Don't do it because it's totally unnecessary and pointless to be putting holes into perfect little childrens ears!

Without being mean I really really really doubt that loads of middle class people are doing it - I have never met a middle class person (unless it was cultural) get small childrens ears pierced - it just doesn't happen, and why? Because it is considered common.

My friend had the done very young - as her ears grew the holes are wonky and she hates them- never wears earrings as an adult.

Babies being given jelly tots and dummies to cope with the pain of their parents taking them to have holes punched through their ears. Bloody depressing.

I was in Claire's the other week and the sound of the toddler I saw utterly screaming and howling in pain getting her ears pierced was really quite upsetting. It stayed with me for days and days after.

I had my ears pierced when I was 6 in Claire's with a gun and had both lobes pierced by two members of staff at the same time, which I think makes it a lot easier. I think your daughter would cry at the initial shock and pain but would be extremely happy afterwards, showing them off to all her friends at nursery. 3 is a young age but you are her mother and she is your child, just because other people think it's too young doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Clip on earrings are a good idea, but if she's stubborn she might not accept that. If it was my daughter, I would show her videos of other children having it done, and if she can understand tell her how they do it and that it hurts, and how much aftercare is needed.

To get you a semi positive story I had mine done at 2 at my own request I loved them. Still do. Never had any issues. Also managed to keep em clean and uninflected.
I have removed the second set I got at 13, I hate them. They did get infected regularly, infant one still hasn't closed up and still gets an unction now and then.
I'll never regret the ones at two and always regret the ones at 13.

TheLegendOfBeans

That could have been my DD you heard, when she gets her vaccinations. I feel like the worst Mummy in the world at that moment but it's for her health, not her "prettiness".

Very common for children to get ears pierced about 6-7 here. In DDs class (aged 7) there are probably 3 girls without them done she is one of them because she has only recently asked to get them done. They wear them to school and for PE too, not U.K. though. I would wait and ensure she actually understands it hurts.

BeingaTwat maybe she didn't fully understand as she was so young but I reminded her of a recent falling over and pinched her ear lobe to show her and she still wanted it done.
Like a pp said it's very common in other countries and cultures.
My dd is half Nigerian and her dads family were all very shocked that I didn't take her as a tiny baby. Different members of his family would question why I hadn't done it already so I guess I felt justified in getting them when I did.

As I've said before though, we all parent differently and have different views 😊