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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ear piercing WWYD

191 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 05/11/2016 16:41

Hi all. Not really an AIBU but a WWYD.
DD is 3, 4 in March. She has expressed multiple times over the last month or so that she would like her ears pierced as one of her Xmas presents. Now I will admit that I have done something in wrong by nodding along and saying ok without speaking to DH, this is because we ALWAYS said that we wouldn't get it done just because we think it's looks pretty but that when she starts saying she wants it (if she ever did) then she can. Admittedly I should have checked first.
Today we were having a conversation about Xmas presents for her and I said, "well one present is her ears pierced so we can buy her some earrings to unwrap" he then starts to explain that he didn't actually think we were doing it and that it turns out when she had said it to him about doing it at Xmas he had been saying we'll see.
So his reasoning is that 1.He doesn't actually think she understands what she is asking for and that she doesn't realise it will actually really hurt (she is quite a sensitive emotional child) and worries that as she is quite fickle she won't understand that it doesn't just go away when she gets bored of it. No.2 He in general doesn't like it on children so young but admits that if No.1 wasn't an issue for him then he wouldn't mind No.2 IYSWIM.

My issue is that I have now told her she can (I know I know) and she is going to be really upset. We've left it as we'll discuss it again early December but I know were going to be back here. WWYD?!

OP posts:

exLtEveDallas · 05/11/2016 21:57

Oh please don't get your kids ears pierced until they are old enough (and clean enough) to cope with putting them in and taking them out themselves.

It's a complete and utter balls ache in Primary school being bothered, daily, by kids asking for an adult to take them out or cover them with micropore. Plus the parents who then complain that "The School" lost an earring, or "Little Betty cried when we took the tape off" is fucking unbelievable.

And if they can take them out, well going by how long the soap dispensers last in the kids toilets - washing hands after a poo is an optional extra (and the amount of kids that come and ask me a question with their fingers up their noses....sheesh)

Nope. Earrings in Primary? Baaaaad idea.

DearMrDilkington · 05/11/2016 22:05

I had no idea you weren't meant to turn piercings! I've had over 14 piercings and always been told to regularly turn them! Although it's been 5years since I got a piercing so is it a new thing not to turn?

INeedANameChange · 05/11/2016 22:40

I was told to turn my piercings for every one I've had. DD had her ears pierced six weeks ago and was told to turn them.

I originally let DD get her ears pierced age 7 after three years of badgering. She was mature enough to turn and clean them twice a day.

However a year later she put some cheap earrings in and developed an infection that pretty much put a crater in her ear. She's now 12 and just had them re pierced (against my better judgment, her dad took her).

There's no way I'd let a 3yo do it given my experience.

Kione · 05/11/2016 22:54

It was totally normal in my country when I was little (mine were put by the nurse in hospital and I didn't cry), and I have never seen those "problems" you talk about. They can get infected, yes, but also cured easily.
I kept loosing them and nit even notice it never got "ripped off" my ear.
Kids studs have a special back which is rounded and clised and the stud goes in, it can't get stuck on the other side
Still, I understand its not so usual here for cultural reasons, but is not as savage as you make it look!

Kione · 05/11/2016 22:55

Sorry the typos

Kione · 05/11/2016 22:58

Yes, the thumb rule is always use gold - never cheap ones - for kids.

user1478353766 · 06/11/2016 00:18

I've been telling my DH about this thread and he has the following opinions; what does it matter to all these people posting, you won't ever meet them and a lot of them can be rude, in your situation just go with your gut, just make sure your daughter understands what it actually is. Otherwise what are a load of strangers doing telling you that you're a bad parent or how to raise your child. You asked what would other people do, you didn't ask them for parenting tips.

Elphame · 06/11/2016 00:30

"Turning" earrings is very out dated advice - it damages the fistula as it forms and prolongs healing.

Guns are terrible for piercing - more painful than a needle (and I've had both) and can't be sterilised as well as they could be.

I have multiple ear piercings but wouldn't dream of piercing my own children's ears at 3. My DD had to wait until she was 11 and then she had to work hard to persuade me.

Jenny70 · 06/11/2016 02:51

My DD has just had hers done at age 11.

They seemed to be quite painless at first and she was extremely good about cleaning them carefully and had an anti-germ spray for them to apply twice a day. She said it did hurt the first 2 nights sleeping on them, but she's pretty tough and not at all a drama llama.

At the 5 week mark (when we thought they were healed!), she got an infection in one ear. Seemed to clear by 7w, so we took them out for sport - and couldn't get the "bad ear" back in, was some pus etc, obviously infection still lurking, but not apparent.

Finally got earring back in (much pain, many tears, her asking should we take them out and let them heal), left it for 2 more weeks, but again next time was hard to get earring back in.

2 weeks on, and I'm leaving them in for the foreseable future.

She often gets them caught on hairs etc, and the infection was quite painful (as was the getting the earrring back in). I think she thought it would be painless after initial piercing - but can't imagine dealing with 3/4 yr old with any complications.

SylvieB74 · 06/11/2016 04:10

You could always just say you're really sorry but that the rules have changed now, and she has to be a really big girl before she can get them done?

RhiWrites · 06/11/2016 06:40

Ear piercing is cultural. In a lot of cultures it's expected small children will have their ears pierced but this isn't usual for most of the U.K.

I think that's why a lot of people are saying don't do it. But OP, if your daughter wants it and you don't have a problem with it, i think she'll be fine. It will hurt briefly and then she'll forget it.

All these horror stories of pus and problems are from people who regretted it. Lots of people have their ears pierced with no issues. Just tell your kid not to fiddle with them with grubby hands.

Zoflorabore · 06/11/2016 06:50

I have always said the same about my dd, would rather get them done if/when she expressed an interest.
Plenty of girls in her class have their ears pierced ( year 1 )

It was a non issue until a few weeks back. She said she really wanted them done, she's an intelligent child who knows her mind. We sat her down and watched YouTube tutorials, explained it would most likely hurt, the aftercare etc and that she would have to wear plasters over them to school as there is a ban though they allow healing time.

So... Dp took her to Claire's, I was unwell. She did not flinch, they are healing lovely and very small and discreet.

I was 5 myself when I got mine done so felt a bit hypocritical saying no, I was the same at her age, knew my own mind etc etc.

I always said 5 at the least and she's almost 6, some of her friends had them done as babies.

Ultimately op, she's your dd, you have to decide and take ownership of the decision. I don't know how I would have played it when dd was 3/4 but quite honestly it probably would have been a no from me.

Zoflorabore · 06/11/2016 06:56

They are gold, bad picture and hardly see them anyway as dd has so much hair

Basicbrown · 06/11/2016 08:19

MN is very anti earrings on small children op. Personally my rule is summer before secondary, but meh it's something I can't get wound up about.

Interestingly though dd1 went through a phase of this around 3/4. I told her it would be like the preschool injections but more painful in both ears. That put her off. At 7 she is now totally disinterested and I've just asked her and she says she still doesn't want them done .

NapQueen · 06/11/2016 08:23

She is 3.

"I rang the shop and they said only if you are eight. We will have to wait till you are 8"

Or just say no.

SheldonCRules · 06/11/2016 08:25

Far too young, at 3 they ask for lots of unsuitable things.

Buy her some sticker earrings and dressing up clothes.

Primary school children with earrings look tacky and cause untold issues re PE etc.

TheCatsMother99 · 06/11/2016 08:28

Please don't do it - and that's coming from a trained piercer.

user1471545174 · 06/11/2016 08:42

Why are people even listening to what their 3 year olds ask for and explaining things to 16 month olds??

FFS!

No before secondary school age. It's as simple as that.

Basicbrown · 06/11/2016 08:46

Why are people even listening to what their 3 year olds ask for and explaining things to 16 month olds??

And on another thread you will undoubtedly be berating someone for not talking to their child enough

Juanbablo · 06/11/2016 08:50

For me 3/4 is too young. My daughter had hers done for her 6th birthday and had been asking for a year. I deliberated it for aaaaaages. My friend's 3 year old had been asking for a while and had it done though, didn't even flinch.

ComfortingKormaBalls · 06/11/2016 08:52

At 3 mine wanted a unicorn.

Pierced ears in 3 year old's is awful.

Come on OP, it's you that wants it really and is encouraging it.

user1471545174 · 06/11/2016 08:56

No, Basicbrown, I won't and I haven't

The earrings demand comes under the general "I want" heading that can include earrings, tattoos, skating boots, a pony, the moon on a stick.

Informed communication with kids is fine!

Answers to the above being - when you're older, hmmm, when you're older, we don't have the money/room, and never

It's the serious consideration of tiny children's whims and fancies that really astonishes me.

Basicbrown · 06/11/2016 08:59

It's the serious consideration of tiny children's whims and fancies that really astonishes me.

Couldn't agree more. But sometimes it helps to stop them asking if they know why .

SuburbanRhonda · 06/11/2016 09:02

And on another thread you will undoubtedly be berating someone for not talking to their child enough

Talking with your child is not in any way similar to giving in to a 3-year-old who wants their ears pierced.

Basicbrown · 06/11/2016 09:03

I agree Rhonda, that was my point. I think the post just read a bit oddly .....

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