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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ear piercing WWYD

191 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 05/11/2016 16:41

Hi all. Not really an AIBU but a WWYD.
DD is 3, 4 in March. She has expressed multiple times over the last month or so that she would like her ears pierced as one of her Xmas presents. Now I will admit that I have done something in wrong by nodding along and saying ok without speaking to DH, this is because we ALWAYS said that we wouldn't get it done just because we think it's looks pretty but that when she starts saying she wants it (if she ever did) then she can. Admittedly I should have checked first.
Today we were having a conversation about Xmas presents for her and I said, "well one present is her ears pierced so we can buy her some earrings to unwrap" he then starts to explain that he didn't actually think we were doing it and that it turns out when she had said it to him about doing it at Xmas he had been saying we'll see.
So his reasoning is that 1.He doesn't actually think she understands what she is asking for and that she doesn't realise it will actually really hurt (she is quite a sensitive emotional child) and worries that as she is quite fickle she won't understand that it doesn't just go away when she gets bored of it. No.2 He in general doesn't like it on children so young but admits that if No.1 wasn't an issue for him then he wouldn't mind No.2 IYSWIM.

My issue is that I have now told her she can (I know I know) and she is going to be really upset. We've left it as we'll discuss it again early December but I know were going to be back here. WWYD?!

OP posts:
Kione · 05/11/2016 17:17

Very similar situation in my house. It is common in my country to pierce children and even babies ears, it is getting less on babies tho. They are usually tiny studs. So when we had DD we agreed that I'd take her when she asked for it. She begged and begged at 4, I told her it hurts, DP wasn't happy because he thought she'd ask for them later, but that was the agreement. She had them done and she was a bit shocked, she would not let me take of put t-shirts on for a few days but she let me put the lotion and turn them. We've had no problems and there is no problems at school or any of the sports she does outside. She LOVED them tho and still does.

Kione · 05/11/2016 17:18

I mean she put and take of the clothes herself, we did change her!

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 05/11/2016 17:22

Kione I would have only used tiny studs aswell and she desperately wants it. It's challenging because until this thread I didn't actually see any issue with it because it's normal round here so felt abit conflicted just going along with DH when she's told me she would like it. Now after reading people's points I feel like my DH wasn't just being dramatic

OP posts:
Twolittlejobbys · 05/11/2016 17:24

Tryingtostayyoung

Absolutely I'd do it again! No regrets here at all! Hence why I let her have a second one age 10. Most places will do both ears at the same time and it only stings for a few minutes. Dd was distracted by a bag of jelly tots and soon forgot 😁

GreatFuckability · 05/11/2016 17:25

I wouldn't let a child of 3 have it done. mostly for safety reasons, at that age they are still very physical and i would worry about them being ripped out etc. and also, a big part of me just doesn't like how they look on small kids.

my eldest was11 getting them done, my youngest is 9 and won't be getting them til the summer before high school at the earliest.

YouHadMeAtCake · 05/11/2016 17:25

YANBU and it's ridiculous. Far too young at 3 and I'll risk the flaming, I think it looks awful and common on babies and toddlers.

HeCantBeSerious · 05/11/2016 17:27

I second getting her some clip on earrings and adjusting your enforcement of the valuing of girls by their apparent prettiness .

ConvincingLiar · 05/11/2016 17:28

What if she reeeeally wanted a tattoo? Or to drive? Or to go to town on her own? There's all kinds of things she's too young for and in my opinion this is one of them. I'd say under 14 either parent can veto.

KatharinaRosalie · 05/11/2016 17:28

get her some stickers, they'll sparkle. 3 is too young for all the reasons stated above. www.claires.co.uk/50-clear-body-gems/shop/fcp-product/39030

Eevee77 · 05/11/2016 17:29

Most schools don't even allow earrings and yet your DD's nursery allows them!? Shock

She's 3. Don't open her up to pain and potential infections for vanity.

babyapril · 05/11/2016 17:32

Mine had hers done this year , she is seven. Lots of the girls ( here) get them round 6/7. This is a very, very, middle class area.
I wanted them done while l could still be in charge of their upkeep - cleaning etc.. they healed quickly. We even went to the dreaded Claire's. They were very thorough. Initially she was shocked, and thought they had just made the holes! She was relieved to find the earrings were in at the same time.
However... l think 3 is too young.

ChocolateWombat · 05/11/2016 17:32

It's a shame you said yes to her, but this doesn't mean you have to go through with it. You are the adult so you get to decide and if you decide it's not a good idea you can explain why in terms she'll understand....and that's the end of it. You are in charge and just because you said yes doesn't mean it has to happen. Apologise. Promise there will be lovely presents and move on.

Whether you do this very young or not is a cultural thing. In some areas, many kids have it done as babies or small children. In other areas no one of primary age would have it done. Perhaps OP is in the former area and it's the norm. At the end of the day, OP it's your choice and if you decide to do it it's not the end of the world, although the the middle classes might think it is.

There are practical issues to consider about the actual painful process, keeping them clean etc....but if having considered those, you still think it's a good idea, then go ahead. I wouldn't be letting my DD do it.....but that doesn't mean you shouldn't.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/11/2016 17:33

Seeing babies and young children with pierced ears makes me beyond angry! There is no way I would do that to my DD. She can have it done, if she wants it, when she is 12+.

Yes, a lot of people have it done but it is still an unecessary hole in your child's body. Why would you run the risk of infection and then ripping out when they are such a young age and really not able to understand the responsibility?

I would tell her she can have it done when she is older and then buy her some stick ons.

gunting · 05/11/2016 17:33

OP: AIBU?
Replies: yes
OP: buuuut....

Seriously what's the point in asking if you sound like you've made your mind up already?

Ayeok · 05/11/2016 17:33

Our DD who is 3 has been asking for about 3 months, but I'm concerned she doesn't realise what she's actually asking for, she just wants earrings like Mummy. DP and I spoke about it and have decided that the summer before she starts school if she's still asking, I'll go and get mine done again in front of her so she actually sees it, then she can decide for herself.
Until then we've got her a load of clip on earrings from Claire's, they've got a great range, so she can have earrings just like Mummy. I just feel at 3 she is far too young.

TheTantrumCometh · 05/11/2016 17:37

My sil got my DN's done age one. One of the backs got stuck in her ear a few months later. It was very painful for her and was removed and so too were the earrings and the holes healed over. Skip forward to when she's three and she gets them done again Hmm

I just cannot fathom why someone would choose to let their children be hurt for the sake of vanity. It sends the wrong message to them imo. And I'm not against piercing in general.

Creampastry · 05/11/2016 17:42

She's 3 Ffs!

ChocolateWombat · 05/11/2016 17:42

'Beyond angry' seems an extreme reaction.

It might not be a personal choice, but the negatives of it are actually pretty small. A few people might get a very short term infection.....but beyond that it is purely a matter of taste really.

I have a DC in Yr 6 and none of the girls in the class have their ears pierced yet and I wouldn't be keen myself......but that doesn't make it wrong. I often think this is a topic used to make the middle classes feel smug and to bash the working class with.

We all have different tastes - whether it is for earrings or Joules clothing, or sending our children to numerous extra curricula activities they don't always enjoy, or eating hummus, or having tattoos and wearing very white trainers, or hunter wellies. Apart from the bit of short lived pain and possible risk of infection (which most parents can prevent) isn't this really just a matter of personal taste?

kathleenjd · 05/11/2016 17:42

Why don't you tell her that you have been to see the lady in the shop and sadly she said she has to be xxx.years old?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/11/2016 17:49

I don't think it's extreme at all. It is exposing your child intentionally to pain and the possibility of infection for the sake of "looking pretty". My DD (nearly 3) is beautiful as she is!

It has nothing to do with class for me. Princess Charlotte could have her ears pierced and I would still find it horrendous! There is no need!

Seryph · 05/11/2016 18:03

So, just to quickly weigh in.
Piercing guns = bad
Hollow piercing needles = better
DO NOT twist/turn new piercings, you are just dragging all the crusty stuff through the open wound.
DO NOT use lotion or any other crap (like vasoline) on new piercings, hot salt water is fine.

I wouldn't take a 3 year old to a piercing parlour and expect them to stay still while someone put a 4 inch needle through their ear, then fitted a plain surgical steel (or whatever) earring and then did the whole thing again on the other side. I mean it probably takes less than five minutes but still. And then it's a good few months before DC can have "pretty" earrings.

Just wait until she's bigger, buy some falsies from Claire's for now.

catgirl1976 · 05/11/2016 18:04

I'd change pre-schools if it was full of small girls with pierced ears. I honestly would. My judgey pants wouldn't be able to take it otherwise and I would need a new pair every week. I can't help it, it's just one of those things I judge very strongly.

I have tattoos so I'm sure plenty of people judge me and it's not really any of my business but there you go.

Aside from my judgey feelings though, there the pain of it, the potential of infection, potential of them getting ripped out playing and all of that side so I still can't fathom why you would even consider it tbh.

MiracletoCome · 05/11/2016 18:04

It sounds like the sort of discussion you would have with a 13 year old not a 3 year old. When I was 3 I was told no if my parents didn't want me to have it and I probably stamped my feet a bit and had a paddy and that was it. Why would there be discussions with her that is the sort of thing you do with a 13 year old

RockinHippy · 05/11/2016 18:08

No, she is 3!

My own DD wanted a "real laser gun" at 3 - she was 3, I was a sensible parent, so she didn't get oneGrin

She wanted her ears pierced from 7 onwards, but as she was still rolling around in the mud, play fighting & swinging from trees, I said NO! As she would be more likely to rip them out & injure herself.

She had them done at 11 as by then she wasn't so boisterous. We've been nagged to death for every other type of peircing ever sinceHmm so with hindsight I wish I had said no longer.

Claires do magnetic ones, they look just like pierced earrings when worn, get her some of those instead

TheLegendOfBeans · 05/11/2016 18:09

Why don't you try her on these instead?

m.claires.co.uk/pws/ProductDetails.ice?ProductID=42713

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