Confused about attitudes to prams on buses

[5FeetOfWater]

I know this can be a sensitive topic but I'd like some honest opinions.

I get the bus twice a day with 15-month-old. I usually park buggy in the space where the fold-down seats are (not the wheelchair space opposite, I know wheelchair users have priority and if I used this space I'd always give it up if someone needed it).

There are often 2 or 3 prams on the bus, sometimes 4. And almost every day I hear people complaining 'in my day we used to walk from - to - with the prams' (approx 45-min walk) 'look at all those prams, we never took our prams on the bus' 'why don't they fold their prams' etc.
I could understand this attitude if bus was crowded but it's generally half empty so the prams aren't in the way.
Yet people still sit on the fold-down seats when they can see prams are getting on. Yesterday I politely said
'Excuse me please, I need to put my buggy here' (at least 8 other seats free)
Lady moved to a seat 1m away with much muttering and glaring.

I always give up my seat if needed and avoid the priority seats as I'm aware people with walking aids and shopping trolleys need the extra space. But on some buses the fold-up seats have a sign above saying 'please give up this space to parents with prams and pushchairs'. There are 4 priority seats behind this area with space for walking aids.

I know I could fold, but it's safer to have DD strapped in. She's only just walking and I'd struggle to hold her and carry folded pushchair and nursery bags/shopping/my work bags. I often see mums with a toddler and a baby in pram really struggling to fit pram it because no-one wants to move.

AIBU??

Agree it seems extremely sad that mums are being put off using buses for fear of being thought 'entitled'. Provided you make way for people who need the space more, no one should feel they have less right to use a bus than anyone else.

"(who goes out with just a couple of nappies? I had a full packed lunch for both us, changes of clothes, toys etc.if I was out for the day!)"

well exactly.

The people who say "a couple of nappies":

were you going out for a couple of hours, or for the whole day?
in either case, how did you manage without wipes? and a bottle of water for you, if you were bf-ing, or a bottle for the baby, if not?
If you were going out for the whole day, did you have a little ebf baby that was prone to vomitting and poking all up the back and down the front, and if so, how did you manage without bringing spare clothes for it?
If the baby was bigger than that, how did you manage for a whole day without food and drink for the baby?
In fact with a bigger baby, out for the whole day, how did you manage without toys and books? Or did the baby scream the bus down, while you were so dignified with your sling and your couple of nappies?

I did go out alone a lot because I don't like only travelling in packs. When I went out with friends I did provide a lot of supplies. I got asked a lot for: baby bum cream, wipes, spare baby vest, hat, suncream, water, changing mat, spare sheet for pram (!), lip balm (for grown ups), the odd apple, Ato Z (this was a long time ago), and so on. I always have what I need and I don't mind helping others, but the "couple of nappies" people - are you just relying on someone else carrying all the other crap?

Also, some people (I know not everyone) are always physically very tired while breastfeeding. I know there is a breast is breast conspiracy to minimise inconvenience and I know that strictly speaking I will never know how much was sleep deprivation, but I just didn't have the physical strength or stamina that I had before or since. I would happily carry a buggy with a baby in it up steps now but it was just too much for me to knowingly enter into a day like that then.

If I go out I take min as possible. I take one bottle for 18 month the old. 2 nappys for each baby. small packet of wipes. 2 basic baby grows just incase. They fit in a small bag. Or in the pouch that are built into my baby carrier. If I get caught when I'm out I just buy it from. The shop

Gets expensive though, having to buy more stuff.

Is that because that's what you prefer, Ghost, or only so you don't inconvenience people on the bus? Because I think the point here is that there's general courtesy and then there is planning your whole day around whether someone might tutt at you for daring to enter a bus with a buggy and a bag of stuff. And maybe some shopping you've picked up while you're out. As if that's a crime.

Baby Jogger City Mini, Connecta in the changing bag. Covers a lot when I'm out with my 7 month old. If I'm just using a sling then I have a decent sized handbag that takes the essentials.

I got off a 43 bus before for a man in a wheelchair and he looked genuinely shocked that someone with a pram made space for him. Makes me wonder how many times he was left at the bus stop because he couldn't get on a bus...

Where I am, 2 buggies are allowed on the bus and thats it. Doesnt seem to cause issue. I can't imagine ever reaching a place in my life where Im fuming at a parent having the temerity to take a buggy onto the bus its stupid the way some people ache to find something to scapegoat another for

What's irritating is that you know damn well that if people had had the option years ago they'd have been merrily wheeling on their buggies.

long do you mean when I wear both baby's. It's kind of both. I have to use a bus on school runs. I was scared of not being able to get on the bus being late taking or picking up. Plus I was fed up of the buggy rage on buses. So I thought fuck it. And I normally go up stairs on bus as I take a double seat with 2 baby's well I can fit one of my other children next to me but it will be difficult with an adult.

As for not taking much with me I just can't be arsed I'm to lazy.

It's 2 here as well but it rear that bus drivers say anything there have often been 3 on buses. Sometimes more depending on the bus

My grandfather in law is 91 now, and was a conductor on the buses, from about the 60's-90's, in the UK but not England. He says that it was an automatic thing that if a lady with what he calls a tansad would get on, if there was no space, he (as part of his job, not just being nice) would usually fold it up and put it on the rack thing at the front, while the woman grabbed the child and found a seat. When she was getting off, he'd put it back up for her, obviously sometimes putting a few back up. Everyone would budge up to make room for each other (and not be annoyed), more people chit chatted to others, and more got the same bus regularly, so at least knew each others faces. But he also says people seemed to be generally more social then, would know their neighbours better than we seem to now, etc. He reckons the world goes much faster now than it used to.

But of course there are way less conductors now, I think his last few years in the job he was able to stay on part time, as they were sort of gradually phased out. It's usually just the driver on board now, who isn't really allowed to get out of the wee booth.

Doesn't explain why it always seems to be older women, off a generation (if he's to believed) who seemed to get a lot more help and understanding than we do now, who're the most likely to sigh audibly at delays, or make loud, passive agressive comments when they have to move to the empty row behind, five steps away. It's like they've forgetton how hard it can be. Or like they think young people now don't deserve the same sort of courtesy they had? Young housewives who were called Madam or Mrs. X and given respect back in the day.

Actually, that's a very good point. I remember conductors and they did often help lug a buggy or shopping onto the bus if needed. And there was actually a place to store your buggy and shopping.

I also remember getting the train and you had to wheel your silver cross pram onto the guards van. So some people were wheeling prams onto public transport back in the good old days.

When I go out for the day I take at least 5 nappies, wipes, 2-3 changes of clothes for DD (prone to nappy explosions), changing mat, Dettol wipes, food, bibs, suncream, hat and mittens, her shoes, reins, coat, water for both of us, spare jumper and snacks for me, rain covers, 2 bottles and mini cartons of toddler milk. No way I could comfortably carry it in a back-pack or shoulder bag.
I used to use the Ergo a lot for short trips (with back-pack) but only if we'd be out less than a couple of hours. From around 6months I found it tiring and cumbersome and prefer the freedom of pushing a pram. I used to feel like my knees would buckle under the weight! I also found DD reached an age when she preferred the pram and would cry in the Ergo. I guess she wanted to stretch out and see around, without being strapped to me.

For nursery drop offs/pick ups I have all her nursery stuff including food for the day and my work bags (including laptop, technical equipment etc).

I can't believe you You hear people complaining or muttering almost every day. I know there are a few grumps about but it's hard to imagine an area where half full buses have such a high concerntration of moaners on it. The fact you can hear what they are saying is even more impressive....and worrying.

That's tge great thing about having loads of kids, by the time you reach child 4 you literally take a nappy and a packet of wipes, if they get covered in shit, they get covered in shit, nobody dies until they get home

pissss that made me laugh.my first baby I took loads like others are saying above. Now I just about remember the kids

It's never happened to me so I don't know, but if you have to get off the bus so that a wheelchair user can board, do you then have to pay your fare again when the next bus comes along?

My not very scientific sample of two would suggest that is true betty,. I have both types of pram and mil and dm who do childcare for me prefer the bigger one and never fold on the bus!

The other thing is that if I take the baby out of the buggy we need to turf someone out of their seat as it is not safe to stand holding a baby. With the buggy I can stand next to it. I do love the sling though - then we can go and sit up at the top front and pretend to be driving the bus. Never gets old

ThatsNotMyFuckingLife - drivers will give you a ticket to continue your journey on the next bus here. That might just be my local bus company, though

Thanks 53rd - I always wondered since I've never seen anyone on here objecting on the grounds that their journey would them cost twice as much.

Why on earth can't you bring a fold up buggy like this on the bus? My mum managed perfectly well with one of these.

daddytypes.com/2012/03/07/a_brief_history_of_maclaren_the_folding_stroller_company.php

Most buggies fold. But I'm not going to needlessly faff around folding it when there's a dedicated buggy space free for an unfolded buggy. That would just be silly.

The buggy on the link is very light weight and good for the bus. But they are only ok for older babys/toddlers that do not need to lay back.

SuperFlyHigh. Those bloody buggies are a hazard, they aren't secured to anything when folded up I've seen them fly off the luggage rack and nearly take a pensioner out when the bus went around a corner. In ye olden days our parents basically didn't leave the house. A trip to the Town centre was twice a year, no wonder they were all on Prozac - it was literally handed out at the 6 week check up, all 6 of my aunties were on it in the 70's. Which explains a lot of AIBU threads involving mothers/MIL if you ask me. They should have got in the bus a bit more often !

pissedoff that's absolute rubbish. My Mum went out every single day, so did I. I used the bus (had to fold because there were no buggy friendly buses), trains and the London underground/Tyneside metro. As far as I'm aware everyone did. Mothers not getting dressed and staying indoors seems to be a new thing. In fact, I never heard of it until I came on mumsnet.
Never been on prozac or any other type of antidepressant/tranq.either, and neither was my Mum.