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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Confused about attitudes to prams on buses

324 replies

5FeetOfWater · 05/11/2016 09:44

I know this can be a sensitive topic but I'd like some honest opinions.

I get the bus twice a day with 15-month-old. I usually park buggy in the space where the fold-down seats are (not the wheelchair space opposite, I know wheelchair users have priority and if I used this space I'd always give it up if someone needed it).

There are often 2 or 3 prams on the bus, sometimes 4. And almost every day I hear people complaining 'in my day we used to walk from - to - with the prams' (approx 45-min walk) 'look at all those prams, we never took our prams on the bus' 'why don't they fold their prams' etc.
I could understand this attitude if bus was crowded but it's generally half empty so the prams aren't in the way.
Yet people still sit on the fold-down seats when they can see prams are getting on. Yesterday I politely said
'Excuse me please, I need to put my buggy here' (at least 8 other seats free)
Lady moved to a seat 1m away with much muttering and glaring.

I always give up my seat if needed and avoid the priority seats as I'm aware people with walking aids and shopping trolleys need the extra space. But on some buses the fold-up seats have a sign above saying 'please give up this space to parents with prams and pushchairs'. There are 4 priority seats behind this area with space for walking aids.

I know I could fold, but it's safer to have DD strapped in. She's only just walking and I'd struggle to hold her and carry folded pushchair and nursery bags/shopping/my work bags. I often see mums with a toddler and a baby in pram really struggling to fit pram it because no-one wants to move.

AIBU??

OP posts:
joanne90 · 07/11/2016 21:57

This reply has been deleted

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RochelleGoyle · 07/11/2016 22:28

Dumbass?

FleurThomas · 07/11/2016 23:06

On my regular commute a mum carries a tank of a pushchair across at least two tube journeys and folds it down every time. If she can do it why can't anyone else?

ghostspirit · 07/11/2016 23:50

If I used a pushchair on buses my reason for not doing it would be because I have 2 baby's.

If I only had one baby my reason would be. Because I'm shit at it.

OhSoggyBiscuit · 08/11/2016 03:13

Don't have kids so no issue with buggies, but I've seen one of those umbrella type pushchairs fall over sideways, complete with toddler in before! Driver made a sharp brake and over it went! Luckily the poor kid wasn't seriously hurt :(

ghostspirit · 08/11/2016 04:16

soggy that happend to me. I had a smaller baby in the sling at the time as well. Older baby did not cry but he looked as if to say wtf .

HeteronormativeHaybales · 08/11/2016 06:22

Fascinating thread.

I agree with some of the posts further up about misogyny and the expectation of martyrdom playing a big role here. I do think a lot of people (particularly women, who have limited other socially sanctioned opportunities to vent) had it hard themselves resent the next generation having it easier and some feel almost cheated if they don't suffer in their turn. I also think there is a deep-seated aversion to seeing women (literally and symbolically) taking up space behind a lot of the attitudes to 'tank' prams. Women are supposed to inconvenience themselves to put absolutely everyone's needs before their own. I wonder how people would feel if taking big prams on buses were a 'dad' thing?

But also - and as an expat I can see this perhaps more clearly - this seems to me to be representative of what I think is a very British attitude I see often on here (e.g. in relation to the NHS) about how awful you are if you take up resources. People feeling guilty for going to the GP or, God forbid, A&E. People being heaped with opprobrium for taking up space on buses. Behind this is an accurate or perceived sense of how very lacking said resources are - a sense of panic that people might not get their small share. Plus a deep-seateed cultural resistance to what on here is called entitlement - claiming things (space, resources) as one's own.

kipkipkip · 08/11/2016 06:36

On my regular commute a mum carries a tank of a pushchair across at least two tube journeys and folds it down every time. If she can do it why can't anyone else?

Sorry this made me LOL a bit, it sounds like you actively enjoy watching her do this. Grin

ZoeTurtle · 08/11/2016 09:25

I'm not whinging about teethers I'm just saying not all of us like to be as unprepared as you.

Don't be ridiculous. Art isn't unprepared, she just doesn't need to take the ridiculous amount of things you deem necessary.

teenyrabbit · 08/11/2016 09:47

Sorry but not taking at least a spare outfit is unprepared.

Dragging your sick covered baby to the nearest shop to buy another chemical covered new outfit sounds like loads of fun Confused

Artandco · 08/11/2016 10:10

TEeny - if my baby was covered in shit and puke that much a wipe wouldn't really be enough anyway and would need to go home and bath them asap. For the 1 in 1000 time it would happen I would take my own jumper off or similar and wrap them in it until home or could get something.
Anyway, they are both school age now so obviously survived unscathed so far.

ghostspirit · 08/11/2016 10:24

The school run takes me 90 mins twice a day all I take is the baby's and a bottle of water. If I'm out for a few hours I take 3/nappys wipes and 2 baby grows. If I remember that is

RochelleGoyle · 08/11/2016 11:33

Really interesting points Hetero Smile

teenyrabbit · 08/11/2016 11:42

Ok art you're obviously perfect how silly of me for wanting to be prepared and care for my child!

5FeetOfWater · 08/11/2016 12:56

Great post from Hetero. I agree, I think people get possessive over public spaces even when there are enough to go round. There seems to be an expectation that we make ourselves as small and unobtrusive as possible. That a pram taking up 2 folding seats is somehow 'wrong' because the baby doesn't pay a fare, even though it's the safest way to transport baby on a bus.

I do drive but DH uses the car on weekdays. We might get a second car at some point but parking is an issue round here. There are lots of reasons people don't drive; medical conditions such as epilepsy, medications that reduce alertness, anxiety, lack of money, recent surgery such as c-section etc.

As for going out with just a few nappies, maybe yours were less prone to vomiting/diarrhoea/spilling food? What did you take once they were weaning?
I've tried various types of nappy but when DD has diarrhoea it leaks. She had reflux when younger so I had to take several spare outfits, bibs, muslins, a spare top for me, big pack of wipes etc. I'd rather be prepared than have to cut an outing short.

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 08/11/2016 13:18

Oh yes I agree people take different stuff we won't all be the same. My baby's have not been diarrhoea vomiting etc so probably different for me. When I had my first baby I did do all these baby bags and changing mats bottles and kitchen sink. But now I take least I possibly can. But probably different if I has a sickly baby :)

Artandco · 08/11/2016 13:33

When weaning? Took the same and gave them some food of my plate when lunch/ dinner time.

ghostspirit · 08/11/2016 13:36

Oh the weaning I'm kind of bad. My baby is 6 months so just started weaning. I just breast feed him instead. Them give him solids when home.

BusStopBetty · 08/11/2016 13:58

Oh god, reflux. It would have been easier to wheel a suitcase and sit the baby on top, the stupid amount of clothing we got through. Because you can hardly leave a baby in soaking wet clothing, and it was frequently sodden through to the vest.

teenyrabbit · 08/11/2016 14:04

Yep reflux baby here too. Hence why I take at least one full spare outfit

5FeetOfWater · 08/11/2016 14:07

Also, bottlefed babies would need more kit if out for the day.

I EBF until 8months but when her reflux was bad she had Infant Gaviscon every other feed. So I had at least 3 bottles of expresssed milk to mix with the Gaviscon, in a cool-bag.

OP posts:
kipkipkip · 08/11/2016 14:08

I think this lame contest about who can carry the least amount of stuff has killed the threadGrin

bookworm14 · 08/11/2016 14:09

Brilliant post, HeteronormativeHaybales.

Iusedtobecarmen · 08/11/2016 14:57

I used to have a double pushchaie with two similar age young children. No option to fold it down. Id have obviously got off for a wheelchair.
All this carry a rucksack and have a fold down pushchair is hilarious. Obviously coming from car drivers who never have to experience this.
What happens if i need to do CHristmas shopping,have no one to have the children and several big bags??
Thankfully bus companies have moved on from the olden days and now accomodate parents with pushchairs.
Ive never had anyone be rude but id tell em to piss off anyway.

Artandco · 08/11/2016 15:07

I use - no, I don't use a car and have two children a year apart.