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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry that I might get pregnant and be really upset about it!

104 replies

eggsnmarmite · 04/11/2016 20:54

I'm 36 and have a beautiful 3 month old baby boy and two children aged 9 and 11. I absolutely don't want any more children for so many reasons, not least so I can give my all to this very precious baby. I breastfed my other two until they were over two years old and want to do the same for this baby.

DP is in the army and has been away for over 6 weeks. When he got back I told him we would have to be careful as I had a period two weeks ago - despite feeding baby day and night. To cut a long story short he didn't use anything - thought he was going to pullout as we had spoken about it, but he didn't!

I suffer from anxiety and I am terrified I will get pregnant as I had a period two days ago. I went straight in the shower. I told him how upset I am but it's too late. I can't get the morning after pill as I'm breastfeeding.

Please tell me that despite having a period two weeks ago, my age, my breastfeeding a 3 month old day and night will make it very unlikely.

I'm going to insist that DP uses condoms now. But in the mean time I'm so upset and worried.

I couldn't cope having two babies so close and my milk drying up before my darling boy is even 9 months old would break my heart.

I'm so upset :'(

OP posts:
Original poster
eggsnmarmite · 04/11/2016 20:55
  • period two weeks ago
OP posts:
Soubriquet · 04/11/2016 20:57

Ok calm down. Stop panicking

Unfortunately it's entirely possible..though realistically, the chances are low.

And you can tandem feed if need be. You don't need to stop just because you have another baby.

KayTee87 · 04/11/2016 20:59

Pulling out isn't affective contraception however if you agreed to only have sex if your husband would pull out and he deliberately didn't (rather than just got carried away) then he has sexually assaulted you and you should be furious with him.
All you can do is wait for your period to arrive sorry Flowers

neonrainbow · 04/11/2016 20:59

Was it two weeks or two days that you had a period? If it was days then you should be ok.

I wouldnt let him near me again for a while after breaking my trust like that.

WilliamHerschel · 04/11/2016 21:00

Why did he not pull out? Confused
It is very unlikely but it is not impossible. Can you definitely not take the MAP when breastfeeding? Apparently levonelle is safe to take.

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/detailed-information/drugs-in-breastmilk/drugs-faqs/

Quiero · 04/11/2016 21:00

Firstly, your DH's behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Secondly, I think you can take the MAP when bf, you need to get some advice.

Thirdly, even if you are pregnant (which you probably aren't) you have lots of options.

It'll be fine Flowers try to contain your anxiety as it isn't going to change anything

SleepFreeZone · 04/11/2016 21:00

Honestly I doubt it very much. Try and calm down.

Heirhelp · 04/11/2016 21:00

You need to poas, do a pregnancy test as soon as possible. There is no point worrying over nothing.

If you are not pregnant you need to get contraception sorted, maybe consider something semi permanent e.g. Coil or implement.

If you are pregnant then you can tell with that when you know for definite.

I hope you get the answer you want.

nephrofox · 04/11/2016 21:01

Breastfeeding your boy is the least of your worries. Your husband sexually assaulted you.

followTheyellowbrickRoad · 04/11/2016 21:01

Big hugs, if it happens it will be alright. Unfortunately no one here can guarantee that you won't be pregnant. But if you are you can still breastfeed, it doesn't mean your milk will stop.
I fully breastfed and ended up with babies 11 and a half months apart. And actually it was my easiest gap as they were babies together and used to nap at the same time.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 04/11/2016 21:02

When did you have sex? In the last 72 hours?

You can take Levonelle morning after pill when breast feeding from the NHS website " Levonelle can be taken while breastfeeding. Although small amounts of the hormones contained in the pill may pass into your breast milk, it is not thought to be harmful to your baby"

You could get the morning after pill from a late night chemist now or go to the chemist tomorrow?

no point in worrying over a what if. if you end up pregnant you will deal with it however you choose but for now no point worrying becuas it's only a what if

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 04/11/2016 21:02

YANBU to be worried and upset, but (and i realise this will sound harsh) if it is so important to you why on earth were you relying on a form of contraception (if you can even call it that) which is so completely useless?

NavyandWhite · 04/11/2016 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkheart5915 · 04/11/2016 21:05

I was breast feeding and got pregnant, my 2 DC are 11 months apart so it's not impossible!

I think you can take the morning after pill while breast feeding if you want too?

If you don't want any more babies you both need to look at a reliable contraception for future sex.

theothersideoftheworld · 04/11/2016 21:08

You can get the MAP whilst BFing. Or better still you can get the copper coil as emergency contraception and it can stay in long term if you want too.

formerbabe · 04/11/2016 21:09

I'm not 100% sure so you'd have to check op...but I thought you could have a coil inserted after sex as a form of emergency contraception? I'm not sure how many days after you can get it but it is worth checking.

formerbabe · 04/11/2016 21:10

Cross post with theothersideoftheworld

CalleighDoodle · 04/11/2016 21:12

Get a coil and think carefully about whether you want a life with this man.

Trills · 04/11/2016 21:14

I suspect that the OP did not explicitly say "we can only have sex if you pull out", it sounds much more as if she said "I don't want to get pregnant again" and later agreed to sex and assumed he would pull out (him having forgotten it or not thought it was relevant because he believed that breastfeeding prevented pregnancy).

If this is the case you need to
a - sort out contraception
b - be much more explicit in your communication in future

Crystal15 · 04/11/2016 21:17

You could use the copper coil. It can be put in as morning after contraception too

LouBlue1507 · 04/11/2016 21:18

The people claiming what has happened is sexual assault need to fuck off! How fucking insulting! Angry

OP - You both need to discuss and arrange conreception ASAP! No sex until it's sorted! Flowers

MsJamieFraser · 04/11/2016 21:19

It totally astounds me that adults don't know that when a penis goes inside a vagina, the male does not have to ejaculate for the female to become pregnant, however that seems to be by passed, by some of the comments I'm reading.

OP have you not asked about the copper coil?

Yes if your not wanting to be pregnant condoms are the only option for you until you can use another form of contraception.

SleepFreeZone · 04/11/2016 21:20

Love how we have jumped to sexual assault and LTB Confused

NavyandWhite · 04/11/2016 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsJamieFraser · 04/11/2016 21:24

It's Friday night sleep same old shit, it's never consensual, or opatently he's a fuck wit that should be divorced at the first instant, not that being away from is wife for 6 weeks means they got carried away and in the moment the withdrawal simply didn't happen, not that would have voided pregnancy however.