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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry that I might get pregnant and be really upset about it!

104 replies

eggsnmarmite · 04/11/2016 20:54

I'm 36 and have a beautiful 3 month old baby boy and two children aged 9 and 11. I absolutely don't want any more children for so many reasons, not least so I can give my all to this very precious baby. I breastfed my other two until they were over two years old and want to do the same for this baby.

DP is in the army and has been away for over 6 weeks. When he got back I told him we would have to be careful as I had a period two weeks ago - despite feeding baby day and night. To cut a long story short he didn't use anything - thought he was going to pullout as we had spoken about it, but he didn't!

I suffer from anxiety and I am terrified I will get pregnant as I had a period two days ago. I went straight in the shower. I told him how upset I am but it's too late. I can't get the morning after pill as I'm breastfeeding.

Please tell me that despite having a period two weeks ago, my age, my breastfeeding a 3 month old day and night will make it very unlikely.

I'm going to insist that DP uses condoms now. But in the mean time I'm so upset and worried.

I couldn't cope having two babies so close and my milk drying up before my darling boy is even 9 months old would break my heart.

I'm so upset :'(

OP posts:

Londonmamabychance · 04/11/2016 22:53

Hmm I see that's tricky but you could just pump and discard the milk for a week and give your baby formula? One week won't harm if he'll take the bottle. If you had your period two weeks ago this could be just in your fertility window so you're running a big risk

Londonmamabychance · 04/11/2016 22:56

The emergency contraceptive pill (Levonelle), also know as the morning-after pill, can work up to 72 hours (three days) from when you had unprotected sex. However, the pill is much more likely to work if you take it within 24 hours. It's fine to take it if you're breastfeeding.

EllaOne is another type of emergency contraceptive pill. It can be taken up to 120 hours (five days) after having unprotected sex, but is only available on prescription from a doctor if you are 18 or over. If you take it, you can't breastfeed for 36 hours afterwards. You should express and throw away your milk in the meantime.

Londonmamabychance · 04/11/2016 22:57

This is from this page: www.babycentre.co.uk/a551928/contraception-after-having-a-baby

So looks like you can take Levonelle morning after pill no problem

Londonmamabychance · 04/11/2016 22:58

If you do take it please do it as early as possible in the morning. I took one 30 hours after unprotected sex and got pregnant

FannyWincham · 04/11/2016 23:27

Apparently it could reduce or even wipe out my milk supply

Says who? What's your source for this? It isn't a known side effect. At three months your supply is well-established.

it isn't tested on bfeeding mums

Almost nothing is.

Levonelle is explicitly licensed as safe when bfing.

I don't really understand your dilemma, OP. You don't want a baby. You have had unprotected sex which might lead to a pregnancy. You have access to a safe pill which can give you an excellent level of protection. You have a limited window of time to take it.

TaraCarter · 05/11/2016 00:39

What would I do?

Honestly, I'd take Levonelle, which is 95% effective in the first 12 hours. However, I'd also book a coil as a back-up, because Levonelle primarily works by delaying ovulation (not its only mechanism, but it's the most effective one, which is why effectiveness drops so much between 12-72 hours) and I would be concerned I might have already ovulated.

lookingbackandthinking · 05/11/2016 04:41

I got pregnant with my last dc under the same circumstances.
Dh told he would pull out he didn't.

So yes you could obviously be pregnant.
I hope things work out for you OP.

lookingbackandthinking · 05/11/2016 04:43

I should add that when I accused dh of not pulling out he denied it and told me there was no need to worry- until my positive test 3 weeks later.

So if you KNOW then morning after pill would be a good option.

FlyingElbows · 05/11/2016 04:48

You know that bf and the withdrawal method are not reliable forms of contraception and you're not exactly knocking yourself out to organise contraception which does work. Are you sure you don't want another baby? If you genuinely don't then I really don't understand your passivity and reluctance to accept responsibility for your own fertility and contraceptive needs.

JosephineMaynard · 05/11/2016 05:20

I thought a one-off using withdrawal, when I'm old and BF on demand would be OK.

36 isn't that old. Plenty of women 36 and older get pregnant. I'm older than that and got pregnant from one-off unprotected sex at the fertile point in my cycle.
From what I read on the subject when I was breastfeeding DS2, breastfeeding on demand only counts as any kind of contraception before periods return.
The withdrawal method also wouldn't be reliable contraception even if your DH had pulled out.

If you seriously don't want to get pregnant again now, then you need to follow the advice given above. Go and get the morning after pill ASAP, plus a coil in case you've already ovulated.

neonrainbow · 05/11/2016 08:58

Withdrawal is fine if used properly. Your dh didn't withdraw so its irrelevant.

ThePeoplesChamp · 05/11/2016 09:09

Why would your open yourself up to anxiety with this lax approach to contraception?

I'm 36, pregnant, conceived first and only attempt in my life. 36 is not infertile.

SheldonCRules · 05/11/2016 09:15

If you have so much anxiety about getting pregnant, then why on earth would you have unprotected sex? At 36, you are very much old enough to know the consequences.

You could simply abstain until you have decent contraception in place.

XxLaura37xX · 05/11/2016 09:16

New to this and just put up my own post but I hope people don't get as angry with me xx
With what I'm reading on sites you can become pregnant at any time if you know when you ovulate and it isn't always when you think it should be going by online calculators xx
if you don't want to get pregnant call family planning and get coil fitted ASAP !! this would also cause anything starting to disappear I'm sure but don't quote me on that , my friend is against abortion but was in similar situation and made it feel OK in her head xx
As for your partner I feel if he loves you and is passionate towards you in the excitement of the whole making love process he has thrown caution to the wind and given you his all XX
Defo NOT assaulted you please don't feel abused and if you are feeling that way now after what's happened you need to talk with him to clear that from your head xx
Men are total opposite from women don't you think ??
We think very differently

NameChange30 · 05/11/2016 09:20

I agree with FlyingElbows.
Levonelle is safe to take when breastfeeding. Healthcare professionals are pretty damn cautious about prescribing medication during pregnancy and breastfeeding, so if they say it's safe, you can trust that it is.
Even if you couldn't breastfeed for a few days, what's going to have a bigger effect on your DC - that, you having an abortion, or a new sibling its parents don't want?!

If you don't take Levonelle today I can only conclude that you must want another baby after all. Not a great idea when your relationship is already in a bad place.

Your "D"P sounds like a complete arsehole btw.

jusdepamplemousse · 05/11/2016 09:25

I've taken levonelle while bf'ing, it didn't reduce my supply. I didn't even need to see GP, Pharmacist was happy to dispense. That's how uncontroversial it is. (I also checked with a GP friend to be on safe side, it is totally safe.)

You can also have the implant inserted or take cerazette (pill) while bf'ing. Since you really don't want to get pregnant would this not be better than relying on withdrawal which even when performed properly isn't very effective?

Softkitty2 · 05/11/2016 09:35

Sexual assault. Really?
I'll make sure to tell my husband to ask permission before he holds my hand..

Seriously?!

ToastyFingers · 05/11/2016 10:26

Breastfeeding is a contraceptive insofar as it sometimes causes amenorhoea (poor spelling? I mean lack of periods)

If you are having periods breastfeeding will make absolutely no difference to your fertility.

Take the MAP. Or don't. Levonelle works by delaying ovulation, so in the timeframe you described, it might not work anyway.

And as for using condoms, at this point your biggest problem is that your sleeping with an asshole who treats you poorly.

LaBrujita · 05/11/2016 10:32

There was a thread in relationships where a woman's husband - who tracked her cycles - claimed to be wearing a condom but he wasn't. Other evidence from things he said and did suggested he was trying to deliberately get her pregnant to sabotage her return to work and independence. The more she disclosed the clearer it became their relationship was very dysfunctional and she felt in danger of his moods and reactions.

At no point in the thread did anyone tell her that the incident was not assault or that she was overreacting or it was all her fault or made jokes that they'd have to prosecute their own husbands. Obviously this is because of the difference in circumstances - hers were a lot more negative - but to ejaculate inside a woman without her consent is still, well, a non-consensual act.

If the OP still feels her husband is a sweet, innocent guy who just made some sort of penile mistake, then that's fine I guess. If she feels he did this deliberately to try and force a pregnancy on her she does not want, then not so fine. It's down to how she feels about it and what she feels his intentions were.

JackShit · 05/11/2016 10:46

Withdrawal is fine if used properly.

Oh. My. God. This sort of ignorance exists among sexually active adults?

NameChange30 · 05/11/2016 10:57

I also think withdrawal is a stupid thing to try and achieve... presumably it takes a huge amount of self control and takes some of the pleasure out of PIV.

Why not just use proper contraception and orgasm how and where you and your partner want?!

ragz134 · 05/11/2016 13:35

My eldest child is proof that withdrawal does not work as a contraceptive! My second is proof that breastfeeding doesn't either... My third was also a result of lax contraceptive practices... (I love them all, just never planned a pregnancy.)
I had an abortion this year as I forgot to take my pill once...
I had a MAP once after a condom broke.

Adults fuck up a lot, stop having a go at the OP! Yes, we should all be better at this sort of thing, but often we aren't. I'm sure you are all less than perfect in other ways...

In your position OP I would take the morning after pill as you can't have the coil. Then get some form of contraception sorted. If you don't and you are pregnant, what would you do?

Smartleatherbag · 05/11/2016 13:40

I meet so many breastfeeding mums who mention baby is getting fussy at the breast.... lo and behold, they are pregnant.
Can't believe your h was so fucking selfish. I'd be absolutely disgusted with him.
Get THE MAP.

Smartleatherbag · 05/11/2016 13:42

Oh, and it's fine to take while bf. Occasionally slight drop in supply, but easily made up for with a few cuddly days. Also, less drop in supply than there'll be if you have another baby!

Smartleatherbag · 05/11/2016 13:43

Fuck me, he's blaming you?! Sorry, he's an utter arsehole. Definitely do not have his baby again.

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