To worry that I might get pregnant and be really upset about it!

[eggsnmarmite]

I'm 36 and have a beautiful 3 month old baby boy and two children aged 9 and 11. I absolutely don't want any more children for so many reasons, not least so I can give my all to this very precious baby. I breastfed my other two until they were over two years old and want to do the same for this baby.

DP is in the army and has been away for over 6 weeks. When he got back I told him we would have to be careful as I had a period two weeks ago - despite feeding baby day and night. To cut a long story short he didn't use anything - thought he was going to pullout as we had spoken about it, but he didn't!

I suffer from anxiety and I am terrified I will get pregnant as I had a period two days ago. I went straight in the shower. I told him how upset I am but it's too late. I can't get the morning after pill as I'm breastfeeding.

Please tell me that despite having a period two weeks ago, my age, my breastfeeding a 3 month old day and night will make it very unlikely.

I'm going to insist that DP uses condoms now. But in the mean time I'm so upset and worried.

I couldn't cope having two babies so close and my milk drying up before my darling boy is even 9 months old would break my heart.

I'm so upset :'(

You can have a copper coil inserted up to five days later as emergency contraception.

Ring your local sexual health clinic asap and get some advice on what you can do. I'm fairly sure you can have a coil fitted, but you really need to have some sort of contraception in place if you don't want another baby. You can;t go through this every month, and stay sane.

Hold on. If OPs DP agreed to pull out and deliver didn't that is sexual assault.

Is that what happened OP, or is trills scenario a better representation?

Either way if you don't want another baby you need reliable contraception before you have sex.

If DP isn't happy with condoms, you have a different problem.

You need emergency contraception. Levonelle is a MAP that you can take while breastfeeding within 72 hrs of unprotected sex. Copper coil can go in up to five days after.

What is your usual contraception? Even if your DH had pulled out you were still taking a risk; there are sperm in pre-cum. If you don't want any more children then you need to make some decisions together about your LT contraception, or even sterilisation.

It's not bloody sexual assault. Having sex up to the point of no return and then not pulling out is just a result of being on the edge of an orgasm and losing control. At that's split second it's likely very hard to make logical choices. I'm sure he didn't do it "on purpose" to assault her. Have you tried stopping yourself having an orgasm once you're right at the edge?

Really, really, the OP and her man should have realised it's a stupid, unreliable method and have used a condom.

If op only agreed to have sex if dh pulled out and he deliberately didn't then it is sexual assault - of course it is
We don't know the exact conversation they had so only op knows if that's what happened.

I'm worried about becoming pregnant again too.

So I'm not having sex until contraception is completely sorted.

Honestly, how does an adult old enough to have a couple of children not get this?

I have some sympathy for you but come on. Take some responsibility.

If it's makes you feel any better you will most likely have a lucky escape this time. If you really feel strongly about it then sort something out.

Op in your family first conversation did you ask him to use a condom? Did you ask him to pull out in case he doesn't? Or did you leave it "we need to be more careful" ?

www.halsburyslawexchange.co.uk/why-consensual-sex-may-still-be-rape/

OP, I empathise completely. I have very similarly aged children and DH and I can't agree on a contraceptive. It seems like all bad choices, and even though we are solid, respectable grown-ups who totally understand birth control we are pulling out now too. I've got half a mind to get myself on folic acid just in case we have an accident before he makes it to the top of vasectomy waiting list (even that we're not sure of). One can be a good grown up and in a very loving marriage and be in this situation.

I hope you are not pregnant. I figure if it happens to me the upside would be that the baby will have a sibling to grow up with.

Totally NOT sexual assault. MN is full of women who can barely stand the idea of penetration.

Perhaps the OP might like to be the judge of whether it was sexual assault of not, seeing that she is the potential victim in all of this 🙄

OP you need to insist on no sex without a condom if you are unable to take anything hormonal atm.

Can you see the doctor about a permanent contraception such as tubes tied?

"can't get the morning after pill as I'm breastfeeding."

Not true, as PPs have said.
It's pretty damn simple: if you don't want to get pregnant, use contraception. The "withdrawal method" is not contraception.
It's not too late to get emergency contraception. Go to a sexual health clinic tomorrow and ask for the morning after pill or the coil. If you can't get to a clinic just go to a pharmacy and buy the morning after pill. Then get yourself to a sexual health clinic or the doctors as soon as you can to discuss your options for contraception. Then use it!!

I had a mc 6weeks after having DS I thought breastfeeding would of stopped me falling. My body hadn't recovered from the birth to carry another pregnancy I made some I sort out contraception. Could you seak alternative protection as condoms aren't a 100%

Take the morning after pill! Don't know why you think you can't? There's no advice not to take in when breastfeeding, some say it can lower milk supply slightly for a few days because of the estrogen and that's it. An unwanted pregnancy is not something to dice with, please trust me on that as someone who've had an unwanted abortion, it's really not worth the risk.

Oh and everyone leave the poor OP alone with all these accusations she's been sexually assaulted! She Obvs doesn't hunk so herself, you weren't there and your opinions about it seem to be either projections or paranoia.

I'll never understand why some people on Mumsnet insist on blaming partners for things that OP's never themselves think are true and jumping to wild conclusions. It's not helpful or considerate to the OP, just projecting your own fears on a situation you don't know much about.

I took levonelle whilst breastfeeding and continued to do so for 2 years afterwards.

Thanks for your posts everyone.

I'm having a nightmare with DP. I SHOULD have been more firm with him. I thought a one-off using withdrawal, when I'm old and BF on demand would be OK. I was going to use this weekend as a time to discuss contraception. I feel so stupid and horribly irresponsible.

DP is blaming it all on me for not making my point enough. Moaning at me for being distant and anxious and apparently wants 'no part in' my decision on what to do next.

He's agreed to condoms for now.

I just need to decide if I should attempt over the weekend to get a coil fitted. I have a 'wonky' cervix and when I looked into getting one a few years ago the nurse refused to do it and referred me. I was too scared of the horror stories and went on the pill.

So I need to decide if I should just hope that as a one-off the chances are very slim or disappear tomorrow to dome sexual health clinic and attempt to get a coil fitted into my wonky and possibly problematic cervix.

DP are having a heap of problems and this again proves how crap our communication is :'(.

Why can't you just go to a pharmacy and buy the morning after pill over the counter?

What would you do? xx

I'd get the map and probably not have sex because my husband was an arsehole (based on your latest update). Later on I'd insist on condoms.

If I were you I would not hesitate to take the morning after pill, I haven't done it myself when breastfeeding but from what I know there's no problem taking it. Look here ec.princeton.edu/questions/ecfeeding.html

You can go get it in the morning over the counter at any pharmacy. Getting pregnant and having to have a baby you're not ready for, or having to consider termination is way to big a risk to run imo.

And in future get the coil

Apparently it could reduce or even wipe out my milk supply and it isn't tested on bfeeding mums so no one really knows what effect it would have on my baby :(